My Important Life

I can't write as I used to. I think I get so tired and overwhelmed during the day that I have no emotions left to write them down afterwards.

Waking up in the morning, davening, breakfast and shiurim (lectures) right away. Then 4 hours break and shiurim again. Sometimes I find myself in a situation when I can't even think. I had a conversation with Pessy (former madricha from Israel) the other day and we came to this conclusion: the seminary environment is not natural. Our life is not what real life is. We're having intense trainings all day long and at night when we go to sleep, we sleep like logs. All these days we spend in here are full of emotions which develop inside and often we forget the outside. You know what I mean? I don't know if we forget and who is this "we", gosh. I should only speak about myself. Ok, I forget. Then I demand love and understanding from others without realizing that my point of view is not universal as well as my education. Others haven't got the opportunities I have had in my life or not all of them were brought up with Biblical stories about little brave David shooting Goliath off. And even if some people had had that opportunity - not everyone uses it as I do. That's how I try to cope with problems inside my mentality and seminary life as it is. I keep telling myself: Sophie, you're what you are but others don't (can't) have to be as you want them to be.

There are days when I feel so tired and emotionally exhausted that I think I'm going to break down. But then the shiurim again inspire and give strength to climb up the mountain called: Torah learning.

Oh, LORD!
"...may my life be important in the eyes of Hashem, and may He save me from all misfortune." (Samuel I)