Learning to love

I think I am learning to love. It's weird to realize that it took me 27 years to learn how to love.
Ezra taught me. When I look into his eyes and see my reflection, I know that even if I failed in my career and never found the job I wanted, I have got him.

It's not always that easy though. Ezra and I went to supermarket yesterday and met my mother in law outside the train station. When we stepped on the escalator to go down where that supermarket is, we talked. Suddenly some afroamerican man started to shout at us. It appeared that he was standing behind us and because I took little more time to move Ezra's stroller over, I blocked his way. Man, was he rude. He definitely heard us talking in different language and realized we weren't Germans, that's how he got chutzpa to shout. I did not tell him anything back. I felt awful. You know why? First thing that came to my mind was the line from O'Henry's story where the Doc tells to the Yankee: "You freed our slaves and fought with them against us". I am the least intolerant or racist person but I absolutely shared the anger of the Doc about freeing the slaves. I know one single stupid man doesn't mean anything but you must be very cruel and evil to shout at the woman with the baby.
Note well, that Germans, especially old people in a public transport or shops have been extremely nice to me and Ezra so far.
So when people complain about Germans, I often tell them that they haven't done anything worse [to the Jews] than other nations (e.g. Spanish inquisition, Ukrainian kazaks with Khmelnitsky or Bandera...), they were just better organized as they always are.
I live in Germany since 2009 and have never faced any racial problems with Germans, but emigrants/immigrants have been ruder very often.

So yesterday I did not love people. I hated one of them.

I've always been an advocate for racial or religious tolerance. I've always been saying that the world belongs to each and every human being, therefore one can choose to live wherever one would like to. I have indeed lived in various countries of Europe and even though some say Europeans tend to be racists, I've never had any problems with this for local people were always very nice to me.
Now I'm hesitating about supporting emigration. I even doubt if the whole world is ours and we can live anywhere...
This time I felt so small realizing that I don't actually have country of my own. Neither I speak the national language nor am I citizen of it which makes me somewhat of an alien, doesn't it?
I wrote to a friend in Georgia the other day saying that we will probably never know what it's like living in a normal democratic country, happy and peaceful, we are such poor offspring of post-soviet utopia.

Eretz Israel.
Eretz Israel.
Eretz Israel.
When are we going to go back home, Dad? Are we at all?

So, I stopped loving the world right away. Our sages were so wise advising, first, learn to love your close ones, your nation and then go loving and saving the world.
I am not saving it anymore!
I am learning to love myself and my people properly.