Little before Rosh Hashanah

It's month of Elul for us, less than 10 days left before Rosh Hashanah and the judgment day - doesn't it sound scary?
It is indeed.

I've been thinking and analysing things so much lately. Millions of bees have been buzzing in my brain (if it's a correct way to express my state of mind) and asking so many questions I couldn't answer.
The month before Rosh Hashana is supposed to be the time for meditation, changing one's character traits and shortcomings that one knows should be changed. It's time to think more and talk less.
I don't have much time for thinking because I'm mum, you know, of the 16 months old energetic boy who needs my attention all the time.
But I also know that it doesn't mean I can slip away from Elul having those reasons mentioned above. I don't want either - I want to change myself and move forward as a better person.

Sometimes I have a feeling that everything is illusion though.
Everything, especially religion.
Just look into their philosophies - starting from my very own Judaism and finishing with most modern religions - don't they all have same content?
Don't most of their authorities brainwash the mass conscious?
Don't most of them ignore women?
And in the end everyone is expecting Messiah, which gets so annoying, I wish I could ask G-d, what's all that for? Are we just puppets? Why are we so weak that can't make it without Messiah who should come and do the work for us?

I have one favourite rabbi (I have VERY few of them) Osher Baddiel - great old English man emigrated from Germany before the WWII. He gave shiurim to us couple of times in the midrasha and talked a lot about Mashiach/Messiah that is to come and redeem us all. Rav Baddiel was little sarcastic, but brilliantly explained that no-one's coming to redeem us like we expect: nobody will come and bring heaven on Earth. Messiah isn't/won't be son* of G-d, that's for sure (since we're all G-d's children in general) and he won't be walking on a water... he won't do the work for us either, he said. G-d has created this world in a way that we should sweat working and overcome obstacles before us.
In short, redeemer is mostly in us - it's our soul, our willpower and our desire to work on ourselves, help others and live according to Torah.

I absolutely loved Rav Baddiel's points of view, although he made sure that Mashiach definitely will come, as it's promised, but not in a way most people believe.

Yes.
Older I get less I believe in changing the world while I can't even change myself (do I really try?). Little Elul is left and I hope to get some strength and time to have meaningful Rosh Hashanah.
Or just let Mashiach come, and soon, please!


*with all respect to my Christian readers - this doesn't mean to reassure or upset you. We all should believe in what or who we believe in. Diversity is beautiful.