I Will Try To Like You

I want to like people.
I've always been saying that I love people, but sometimes I don't.
And I judge others a lot. Not aloud obviously, but just for myself.
I judge and label people by the way they talk, dress, walk... I judge their education, their manners... I even snob people, who seem to be shallow and stupid.
Who am I to judge though? Why?

Then I realise, probably others judge me too. People probably dislike the way I talk, laugh, dress, wrap my head, express my opinions...
And then it gets easier :-D
I mean, we're all human. All we can do is to strive to become better person.
Once you don't take yourself very seriously and laugh at some traits you have, you stop judging others and begin to accept them the way they are (or just ignore them?).

You don't have to change the world, but yourself and the world will change eventually. I am not the first to say this, but it feels good I came to this at some point.

So, friends and foes, haha, don't get too nervous about yourselves! I still like you (or not much) no matter what. I will try not to judge you, I will, bezrat Hashem, because I do not know what is going on in your hearts and what struggle you are having.

I will just focus to improve my myself.

May this be a little step forward for this month of Elul and elevating for Rosh Hashanah.

Love,

Sophie

Little before Rosh Hashanah

It's month of Elul for us, less than 10 days left before Rosh Hashanah and the judgment day - doesn't it sound scary?
It is indeed.

I've been thinking and analysing things so much lately. Millions of bees have been buzzing in my brain (if it's a correct way to express my state of mind) and asking so many questions I couldn't answer.
The month before Rosh Hashana is supposed to be the time for meditation, changing one's character traits and shortcomings that one knows should be changed. It's time to think more and talk less.
I don't have much time for thinking because I'm mum, you know, of the 16 months old energetic boy who needs my attention all the time.
But I also know that it doesn't mean I can slip away from Elul having those reasons mentioned above. I don't want either - I want to change myself and move forward as a better person.

Sometimes I have a feeling that everything is illusion though.
Everything, especially religion.
Just look into their philosophies - starting from my very own Judaism and finishing with most modern religions - don't they all have same content?
Don't most of their authorities brainwash the mass conscious?
Don't most of them ignore women?
And in the end everyone is expecting Messiah, which gets so annoying, I wish I could ask G-d, what's all that for? Are we just puppets? Why are we so weak that can't make it without Messiah who should come and do the work for us?

I have one favourite rabbi (I have VERY few of them) Osher Baddiel - great old English man emigrated from Germany before the WWII. He gave shiurim to us couple of times in the midrasha and talked a lot about Mashiach/Messiah that is to come and redeem us all. Rav Baddiel was little sarcastic, but brilliantly explained that no-one's coming to redeem us like we expect: nobody will come and bring heaven on Earth. Messiah isn't/won't be son* of G-d, that's for sure (since we're all G-d's children in general) and he won't be walking on a water... he won't do the work for us either, he said. G-d has created this world in a way that we should sweat working and overcome obstacles before us.
In short, redeemer is mostly in us - it's our soul, our willpower and our desire to work on ourselves, help others and live according to Torah.

I absolutely loved Rav Baddiel's points of view, although he made sure that Mashiach definitely will come, as it's promised, but not in a way most people believe.

Yes.
Older I get less I believe in changing the world while I can't even change myself (do I really try?). Little Elul is left and I hope to get some strength and time to have meaningful Rosh Hashanah.
Or just let Mashiach come, and soon, please!


*with all respect to my Christian readers - this doesn't mean to reassure or upset you. We all should believe in what or who we believe in. Diversity is beautiful.

Thoughts for Chol ha moed Sukkot

I've been thinking lately that this blog isn't working anymore and I probably should be thinking of making something new, write often and more openly. I am not sure though if I am able to do that. Let alone that I don't have that much time and as Ezra grows older he needs more attention from me, he needs to be entertained all the time; second thought was, English is not my mother tongue obviously and I might not be expressing myself well writing in English; and last but not the least - I am not honest. I mean, I am sometimes but mostly I think I am not. No, I am not pretending or anything, I just omit many many things that are going on in my life, things that bug me a lot and I just don't write about them.
Should I be though?
The only annoying (all right, sometimes there are more) thing about Judaism is that you can't and shouldn't criticize people but work on yourself and if somebody really gets on your nerves, you should go and tell. You should not get angry in any situation because getting angry equals worshiping idols which is THE major sin of all. Unfortunately we are all idol worshipers every now and then, especially when this very idol happens to be our own ego.

Anyway.
That day passed and I think I won't leave this blog. I'll try to write whenever and whatever I can. I really wish I could write interesting posts here. I've been reading loads of blogs, but there are so few that I really like. I think there is only one actually. This young Australian woman, Talia, who must be somewhat of my age blogging about her family and cute 8 months son.
There are some other blogs too, but they get boring. But this girl Talia keeps it so simple and natural, you don't need to try hard to like what she does. She was quite inspiring for me to continue blogging in English actually, to be what I am, what I REALLY am no matter how hard it might be.

What about Sukkot, you'd ask me. I think this year's holidays have been very very hard for our family as my father-in-law almost died from terrible heart attack just before Shabbat that proceeded Rosh Hashanah. He's been in hospital since then and most probably he won't be able to get back. This is unbearable for his wife and sons, especially my husband who is so fond of him. I might not be able to understand that feeling exactly but when I see my husband so sad and blue my heart is breaking. What do you say in times like this when you are sure it is not going to be all right? Nobody wants to hear you saying that it's G-d's will and everything is for the best. You don't tell that to people who lose their beloved and dear person, do you? Because no-one needs your stupid consolation. So all I do is being next to my husband and his family, and Ezra, baruch Hashem, is the sun that makes his grandma and everyone smile.
Sukkot is such a beautiful time of the year when all the Jews come out, build up the sukkah (hut) and live in it for 7 days to remind themselves how they left Egypt, wandered homeless, and only G-d was above saving them from hunger and thunder.
Exactly 3 years ago Sukkot holidays inspired me to start searching for my roots, for my nation and my G-d that is actually not only mine but the whole wide world's if only they knew it. Many things happened in my life since then, I went through many things as name and homeplace changing... and now here I am, far from that Sukkah I went 3 years ago in Tbilisi, Georgia, my hometown; now I am in cold Europe trying to keep the sun on my windows as long as it is possible, totally changed as mentally so physically (well, you have to change when you give birth and nurse, and don't limit the food at all) and growing older (hopefully wiser too) day by day.
Why am I telling you all this?
Because it's Sukkot, the festival of joy, time to receive guests in your hut and recognize the might of Hashem: nothing in this world is yours, even if you own all the world luxurious villas and mansions, when it comes, it comes and you are out to wander again, homeless...
Jewish holidays are just wonderful, always reminding us where we were so we don't forget where we could also end up.
The Chol ha moed started today, couple more days and Shabbat again, then on Sunday night we will welcome Simchat Torah which is one of my favourite festivals. I'll keep you updated, bli neder.

(You see I am a master of hopping from one subject to other like Holden Caulfield. What scares me is that Holden was just 16 and I am 27.)

Yiddishe mama

I'm cooking Zimes/Tzimes, SO yiddishe, you know it. My husband is very very yiddishe man indeed. He was brought up in a family where his grandmum, father and uncle used to talk in little yiddish. And now that memory is so deep in his conscience that anything Yiddish means sweet and dear for him.
That's how I came to cook to him Zimmes for Shabbat. He mentioned couple of times there was this "Meren zimmes" (meaning german Möhre (carrot)) that his grandmother used to cook and he would love to taste it again. I found a recipe which goes this simple:

1 kg carrot
1/2 c sugar and 2tbs honey
50 gr raisins
100 gr butter or light margarine

Chop (I actually had carrots grated) carrots and simply stir all the ingredients in the pot at once. Cook it for 40-50 minutes on a low temperature. Oh, and before adding raisins, they need to be soaked in a hot boiled water for 15 minutes, then mix with other products in the pot.

Some people add nuts or other dry fruits to this dish, like apricot. Some even make zimmes out of sweet potatoes. Choice is yours as long as you enjoy making it and having your family happily fed on Shabbat. This is the main goal of every yiddishe mama which I think I might be becoming. But I promise I'll try not to spoil Ezra as every Jewish mum does - cooking and baking so perfectly that daughter-in-law has to work hard (really hard, I can attest to that) to impress her husband. I am a cool mum and should be even cooler mum-in-law, BS''D!

Shabbat Shalom, should say A GIT SHABBES!!!

(Just a week and little more before Rosh Hashanah! Man, so much to learn, work on and last, but NOT least, to cook loads for yom tov.)

שנה טובה ומתוקה

Yes, it's been a year.
Quite a long and important year. Remember my Rosh Hashanah last year? It was one of the best days of my life and I'll never forget it.

This year is very different. I am different too. It's been total 6 months I study at the midrasha. It was September 24th when I arrived in Berlin for the first time and that's when all the changes began. It was difficult in the beginning, I needed quite a time to adjust and get used to Germany. And here I am now after a year, waiting for Rosh Hashanah and thinking about my past year, future plans and the life choice. My mother used to tell me that one should grab a chance and make the right choice before it fades away. I guess I was always a good daughter listening to my mother... even though she wanted me to become a career woman, I still grabbed a chance and made this choice of becoming religious Jew and keeping all the commandments with joy and happiness.

I very much hope to improve my character this year, to work on my negative features; be more patient, and less emotional than I am now. I also hope to be forgiven by all the people who I have accidentally hurt. You know I love you all, I love the whole wide world for it is the place that Almighty G-d created for us and now it is absolutely up to us how to take care of it and each others.

Do you also think that I grew old? Lots of people who I had not seen for a long time and meet me now keep telling me that I have changed a lot, and there's something womanish in me :) funny, isn't it? I think it was time for me finally to become womanish. Sunny girl should be left in the past and I should move on and on.

May you all have sweet and meaningful New Year!!! My special love and best of brachot to family Rosenblatt in Tbilisi - last Rosh Hashanah will remain in my heart forever. THANK YOU!

שנה טובה ומתוקה

HAPPY EVERYTHING!!!

I never liked holidays before I got closer to religion.
It has been my second year that I have been celebrating various Jewish holidays: Rosh Hashanah, Sukkot, Purim and now Pesach (Passover) is coming soon.

I always had this thought that celebrating something was boring, and I hated saying: "Oh, happy this and happy that!". I would have rather stayed home alone and read some book. But now I find them very amusing - because it is not only about saying merry things, or overeat the food (you can't do that on Pesach anyway), it is about finding oneself, the reason of one's being, thinking about one's self, improving character and analyzing what is better for one, how to live and which roadway to take for future. When I realize this, I understand why I fell in love with my Jewish holidays. Above it all, nobody can tell you to be happy unless you do not feel happy and grateful towards G-d and His creation. I am truly happy now.

HAPPY FINDING YOURSELVES, DEAR READERS OF MINE!

My Rosh Hashanah

I had a perfect Rosh Hashanah.
But I don't like writing about formal stuff, because there were wise men who had written that better than me. So let me write about people - people that I meet, who amaze me and make me improve myself.

Every time I go to the Rosenblatt family I know I would have swell time - rabbi's wife Julia is so smart, funny and talkative, she knows lots of interesting stories, jokes, and she makes you feel really comfortable at her house. Rabbi Avimelech has such deep and thoughtful eyes that he doesn't even have to say a word - he is wisest person I've ever met. At first I used to be little afraid of him really, but after all those Shabbats and Passover I got to know him better and now I know that he's a normal man, just wiser than others.

Everything was great.

And there was Yael. She's a 23 year old tourist from Israel, who wanted to stay at the family on Rosh Hashanah, so she came to the Rosenblatt's. I've met many people, have met Israeli tourists and love to talk to them, but in the end it's always plain to see - we are different in some ways, had been raised in different countries, different social atmosphere. Not Yael though. We got close from the beginning, because she knew how to listen, how to talk and above it all - she has these big bright brown eyes where you can see your reflection. Believe me, you can't see that in every eyes. I met Yael just three times, but she made my Rosh Hashanah totally. With her modesty and kindness she showed me that there is something more than good looks and luxurious things - what really really matters? - When person is kind and thinks about others, makes others days, improves them and shows this world in better shape. I hope Yael liked me too and she could learn from me as much as I did from her.

May we have sweetest and happiest year!!!

For Sweet New Year

You have no idea how excited I am.

This is my fourth blog I guess.

Most of my blog readers know about me - I'm Sophie, 24. I've graduated from Tbilisi State University this year. I've majored in Journalism and minored in Psychology. I've become quite religious recently and I am so happy about it.

In 6 or more hours Jewish New Year will be present. Rosh Hashanah - as it is. I'm invited at Georgian Rabbi's home to celebrate Rosh Hashanah. I love visiting them.

I think I have to tell you the story as it goes: at first, I thought of religious people - as strict and even fanatic ones. When I first got to stay at rabbi's house for Shabbat, I was quite tight. I wasn't sure when should I smile and when should I not. But when I saw the rabbi and his wonderful wife Julia joking, laughing and talking like everybody else - I was amazed, really. After that I started keeping Shabbat and Kashrut myself. Now I'm working on Tzniut actually. I take it slowly because it's not good to become strictly religious at once.

Above it all - I found the serenity I always needed. Even though I've been considering myself as cool and rational person, I can't deny that there is strong southern blood rushing through my veins. I may not show my emotions, but my heart is beating like mad from inside.
My dear friends, bloggers, readers, welcome to my new GOLDEN WORLD :)

שנה טובה