We had lovely Pesach, Ezra had his first birthday and I've had some inner fights with myself and the world. The fight is still going on and I very much doubt it will ever cease.
Now I'd like to tell you about the card I got from my very dear friend Michal for the rosh chodesh of Adar. Michal is a young girl who used to live in Leipzig but now studies at university in a different town. So she visits her family in Leipzig on holidays. I am so glad whenever she comes to Leipzig, always lets me know and offers me help for Shabbat.
We met in Berlin in 2009 first, in the midrasha, and she impressed me with her modesty and colourful tights right away :) she was one of very few people I got along with and was not bored.
She's intelligent, sweet and, very important, - she can listen and never interrupt you. I find this character trait admirable, because most people can't hold their tongues and if they do, they never listen to you, but can't wait you to finish your sentence so they start telling their story. I understand we all care about ourselves and consider things we say more serious than others', but we should try not to. I really do try to be more attentive, to hear what people say and don't push my problems on them. Isn't it enough I talk/write so much and make people read? :)
Last August when Ezra was just four months old and it was lovely weather even in Germany, we went for a walk in the Rosenthaler Park and met Michal there. We talked, walked and had a really nice time, plus Ezra fell asleep and we had loads of time to stroll around the park and have a lovely conversation. That's when I liked her even more.
After that I also decided to delete my Facebook account for good. I realised I saw pictures of others' children more than I spent time with my little baby, who laid on his rug and "talked" to the old brown puppy while his mummy scrolled the Facebook up and down. I realised Facebook was stealing my life and my true self... that's a different story, but the point is Michal sort of helped me to figure this out better.
That was also the day when I told Michal that after having a baby my world had totally changed and it seemed like some new unknown world had opened up for me.
And guess what? Just before Purim Michal gave me this card saying exactly the same I said to her on that very Summer day at the Rosenthaler Park in Leipzig.
It means so much to me if I could only explain. I try to talk as little as possible and I usually don't show my feelings to others, but then I felt that I could tell to Michal how different my world had become after having Ezra.
And she got it. She remembered it.
She found this card somehow and made my Adar definitely. Not only that month but more, as I will keep this card as longer as it's possible. It's also cute that this woman on the card looks kind of like me, wears colourful dress and loves cloth bags just as I do.
Now, tell me, doesn't everything in this world has its time and space? Didn't G-d give inspiration to some nice person to paint me, a post soviet traumatized girl in her late twenties?
I love imagining everything is connected in this world and all of us, no matter where we come from, what religion do we practice or how much we weigh, have same soul and emotions - we're never alone. While I suffered from Postpartum stuff and terrible babyblues, cried my heart out for almost six months after giving birth, adjusting with my new self and all, there was also someone somewhere feeling just like me wearing orange dress and her baby on her chest, carried the cloth bags and thought: "Mit einem Kind entdeckt man die Welt aufs Neue -- With the baby, one discovers the world anew".
Thank you, Michal!!!
