Mit einem Kind... Mami's new world

It's been so long ago since I've blogged, almost a month.

We had lovely Pesach, Ezra had his first birthday and I've had some inner fights with myself and the world. The fight is still going on and I very much doubt it will ever cease.

Now I'd like to tell you about the card I got from my very dear friend Michal for the rosh chodesh of Adar. Michal is a young girl who used to live in Leipzig but now studies at university in a different town. So she visits her family in Leipzig on holidays. I am so glad whenever she comes to Leipzig, always lets me know and offers me help for Shabbat.
We met in Berlin in 2009 first, in the midrasha, and she impressed me with her modesty and colourful tights right away :) she was one of very few people I got along with and was not bored.

She's intelligent, sweet and, very important, - she can listen and never interrupt you. I find this character trait admirable, because most people can't hold their tongues and if they do, they never listen to you, but can't wait you to finish your sentence so they start telling their story. I understand we all care about ourselves and consider things we say more serious than others', but we should try not to. I really do try to be more attentive, to hear what people say and don't push my problems on them. Isn't it enough I talk/write so much and make people read? :)

Last August when Ezra was just four months old and it was lovely weather even in Germany, we went for a walk in the Rosenthaler Park and met Michal there. We talked, walked and had a really nice time, plus Ezra fell asleep and we had loads of time to stroll around the park and have a lovely conversation. That's when I liked her even more.
After that I also decided to delete my Facebook account for good. I realised I saw pictures of others' children more than I spent time with my little baby, who laid on his rug and "talked" to the old brown puppy while his mummy scrolled the Facebook up and down. I realised Facebook was stealing my life and my true self... that's a different story, but the point is Michal sort of helped me to figure this out better.
That was also the day when I told Michal that after having a baby my world had totally changed and it seemed like some new unknown world had opened up for me.
And guess what? Just before Purim Michal gave me this card saying exactly the same I said to her on that very Summer day at the Rosenthaler Park in Leipzig.

 

It means so much to me if I could only explain. I try to talk as little as possible and I usually don't show my feelings to others, but then I felt that I could tell to Michal how different my world had become after having Ezra. 

And she got it. She remembered it.

She found this card somehow and made my Adar definitely. Not only that month but more, as I will keep this card as longer as it's possible. It's also cute that this woman on the card looks kind of like me, wears colourful dress and loves cloth bags just as I do. 

Now, tell me, doesn't everything in this world has its time and space? Didn't G-d give inspiration to some nice person to paint me, a post soviet traumatized girl in her late twenties? 

I love imagining everything is connected in this world and all of us, no matter where we come from, what religion do we practice or how much we weigh, have same soul and emotions - we're never alone. While I suffered from Postpartum stuff and terrible babyblues, cried my heart out for almost six months after giving birth, adjusting with my new self and all, there was also someone somewhere feeling just like me wearing orange dress and her baby on her chest, carried the cloth bags and thought: "Mit einem Kind entdeckt man die Welt aufs Neue -- With the baby, one discovers the world anew".

Thank you, Michal!!!

Decisions, negotiations and other "lifely" things

At this point of my life I am happy, but pretty concerned about my professional future. What do I want to do next? Have another baby or finish my German course to approve my bachelor's diploma and get the master's degree? Having another baby and being pregnant is actually not an obstacle at all, while I have done all my courses when I was pregnant with Ezra, thing is, after I had a baby I couldn't study any more. I was too overwhelmed and tired. Plus, I wanted to bond with my baby and get used to my new role.
BUT mostly I care about my health - would it be ok to give another go and let hormones lead me so soon? Thing is I am 28 and I really want to have many children, at least 4, and I wouldn't like to have them after 35, so who knows, perhaps this is perfect age.
(Honestly, one more thing that puts me off is wanting to pee all the time when you're pregnant. I still have to get up several times at night to give Ezra pacifier or nurse him, and now to have this need of going to toilet every two hours, doesn't attract me at all.)

Now Ezra's 10 months old, quite a character and as my friend described, perfect first child - refusing to be put down or left alone to play by himself, cuddling and climbing on mum all the time.
As soon as he's able to walk and be more independent, I want him to go to the kindergarten. There is tiny little kindergarten run by the Leipzig community where all our friends' children go and have good time, I believe. Since I've never gone to kindergarten myself, I really would like Ezra to go, make friends and be social. He is very social indeed, loves people, watching them and "singing" to them, but being in kindergarten must be harder - it's first school for the child where he has to win his place and develop friendship with other kids, or fight and scare them off just like I used to do and my mum had to leave that idea of me and kindergarten and found a nanny for me.
I hope it'll be different with Ezra and he will love it.

Yes, life is all about decisions and negotiations which distract me sometimes. There are times when I just want to relax and think about nothing, then I realise once more I am grown up and I can't just relax that easily. Those old times are gone for good (and I regret not) and I am adjusted as much as possible of being a good wife and mother.
All right, I get frustrated too every now and then. But then I remember what my favourite teacher's wife has once told me: "judge people favourably and be sure that husband, or children never want to hurt you purposely, they love you dearly and if something unpleasant ever happens, it's not because they are mean, but because you need to talk more and give more to each other." -- this is something I often remind myself and always works.

Have a nice week!!!

Mother instinct

First what I did when I got pregnant was to subscribe to all those mother-to-be magazines and internet portals so I could receive all the updates about baby's development and all.

First thing what I did after Ezra was born - I unsubscribed from all those mentioned above.

Have you read all they write?

Some publications definitely say that every baby is unique and has individual milestone, but most of them demand so much from babies and their parents.

What's annoyed me most:

1) Sleeping.
Baby should sleep millions of hours, start to sleep through the day from two or three months old.
This is unrealistic. At least it was/is for us.
Baby needs to wake up several times a night to be nursed and soothed by mum especially at this tender age of two-three months. I remember Ezra slept cutely till 1am and then woke up wanting me to nurse him and cuddle. Then I would put him back to his bed until 4-5 am when he woke up for second time and then he'd stay with me till morning.

1.2) Sleeptraining.
All right, it might be that I have failed in that many times. I got a book from friend who actually sleep trained her baby for good. Her baby would go to bed at 6 and slept until 6 in the morning without problem, then napped three times a day for an hour each nap. It never worked with Ezra though. I would put him to sleep at 6 and he wouldn't sleep till 7-7:30; as for naps, it was terrible for all of us, he'd also nap three times a day, but not more than 15-20 minutes or he could've not napped at all.
Again, babies are different and you can't measure all of them similarly.

2) Eating.
Again, most babies eat every three hours, but Ezra would get hungry every two, sometimes 1,5 hours, nursed for couple of minutes and let go. We had his colicky to blame, but he still remains not very good eater.

3) Last but not least, mothers' extra weight.
Pushing and shoving before our face all the photos of the celebrities, or as I call lately, people of cheap and shallow, how fast have they lost their weight and look fabulous, while average mums look aged, tired and fat.
They probably forget that those mums have army of babysitters, nannies, cleaning people and thousands of assistants. Most of them don't breastfeed, don't wake up at night, don't change diapers and I am sure, they don't have to do household stuff besides the baby like most of us, normal and natural women, do.
So it is a big shame to depress new mums about their weight showing the photos of the slim actresses who had given birth just the other day and look fresh like cucumbers, like Georgian saying goes.

Now you know why you shouldn't listen to anyone but your own inner voice and mother instincts which are never wrong. As time goes by and my baby grows older, I realize that my instincts get really stronger and I almost never fail to feel what my baby, my family and I need.

6 months and more

Ezra used to be a good sleeper even though he was colicky for almost 4 months in the beginning. He would still sleep from 7:30 till 1 am, then I nursed him and put him back in his bed. Then he woke up between 3-5am to eat and I let him sleep with me till morning. 
Now it's been already a month he refuses to sleep in his bed at night. I try so hard. He may fall asleep there for half an hour, then wakes up crying and wouldn't stop before I rock him and put him in my bed where I also should lay down beside him and soothe him.

via

I don't know what can be the reason?
It might be that he's growing and changing so quickly becoming a big boy. So he might be afraid of staying alone and needs his mummy to warm and comfort him. I love to do so, but it is so hard sometimes when I have loads to do and have to leave it all and lay down with the baby. I hope he grows out of it and come on, how long is he going to be a baby? Time flies, as they say and I will miss him as a baby one day, I am sure.
Most probably he's teething and I just don't realize it. Can't wait to wake up one day and see his little cute tooth already.

What's important, he's happy baby. Smiling and singing all day. It's so funny hearing him say: ma ma, ba ba, amba, bamba... He rolls from his tummy on the back, although he is so lazy and I make him roll from back on the tummy. Sometimes he surprises me too - when I least expect him to roll or crawl, he actually does. He tried to crawl on Friday and I was so excited, I started to shout with joy to my husband who was in the bathroom and Ezra got really scared. I felt so bad then, what if I discouraged him about crawling. I hope I didn't.

I haven't told you I started to give him solids. We started last Wednesday with carrot puree and Ezra really liked it. I thought he couldn't eat since he's been only nursed for whole 6 months, but he managed it quite well, thank G-d. I started with 3 spoons. Our doctor said 4-6 spoons, but I was little afraid that it might have been difficult for his stomach, but it went well. Hopefully I'll give him some new vegetable this week, been thinking about zucchini; they give potatoes in Germany because this is most popular food here. It's going to be either zucchini or potatoes, we'll see. I really can't wait to give him meat. I am so fond of beef you know, I am very big lover of meat, in general and hope so will be Ezra (my husband is a total Yiddishe guy, he loves chicken and turkey that we have discovered lately and I make really delicious turkey something for Shabbat evening, should give you recipe later).

Sometimes, when I am really tired and just can't take anymore, I remind myself how cute Ezra usually is, smily and funny, and that he is my baby, gift from G-d. Plus, I am mother and HAVE TO take care of my baby, so what if I get tired? Every mum does. That's what makes mums special - being tired and sleep deprived all the time, still happy and proud of their offspring.

Babies and mamas again

Seriously, sometimes I get sick of those mamas talking only about their babies and what drives me mad is when I read their letters. G-d!
How come everybody's baby is an angel?
How come others' babies sleep like lambs through the night?
How come they go to sleep by themselves, no rocking, no singing, just a kiss goodnight and there they go?

 

Lovely Emma Bunton (baby spice) with her baby boy

I just don't believe them.
My baby doesn't sleep through the night and I believe that's natural.
He's not an angel, thank G-d. He has a personality and in Judaism that matters a lot. Angels are considered as G-d's slaves who have no freedom of choice unlike humans. So, my baby is a real human - he cries, fusses, wakes up early in the morning and scratches my nose with his tiny nails and makes me happier than anyone can be.
He doesn't go to sleep by himself. He needs to be soothed and rocked, and cuddled and kissed and held tight to mummy's chest because that is the most safe place in the world.

We are not perfect, thanks to Hashem, neither me nor Ezra. I can't tell you whether we strive for it or not. I just want to be the mum that will always be there for her son and make him feel secure. I hope I shall be the extraordinary mum giving my child freedom and independence while setting some limits so he learns right from wrong.Well, I am my mum's daughter, can't fight it (I will always be amazed by how great she's been, may she live long and healthy life!!!).
And Ezra wants to be happy for this moment. He just wants to play with us, have fun, be cared, loved and nurtured as every other human being. Sounds like the Smiths' song, doesn't it?

I guess I lost the point.
If you really want to know, I take it easy. I shouldn't and don't judge those mums. They just seem superficial to me. How can they be so calm and happy with everything? Do not their babies cry at all? Have they never thrown up on them? Haven't they been hurt in the beginning of nursing? COME ON!
There are few blogs where I've read honest mums and keep reading them. They are great not trying to be the ones they are not. 
And then comes the light when I tell myself, Sophie, why don't you relax and enjoy your life, I mean, get mad if you want to and be the kind of mum you like, forget others. But I am a human too, you know, and I tend to believe I might be better than others which is not nice at all, I know. Because no-one is better than other; we are all same. The difference is only in culture and geographic psychology as such. Just forget the religion and my soviet background in the upbringing. I am still the sunniest sun in the world that believes in green juicy apples and LOVE.

Good night, loves!
:)

State of mind

Happiness is just a state of your mind,
Keep searching who knows what you may find...

The Spice Girls "Something Kinda Funny"

Have you ever looked at yourself from the other side and asked a question: are you happy, darling? I have.
Have you ever looked in the mirror and haven't recognized the face there? I have.
Have you ever lived somewhere and felt that you were not actually there? I have.
Have you ever loved yourself so much that almost started to hate? I have.
Have you ever danced tango at the Rio De La Plata in Buenos Aires? Me neither.
Have you ever met Salinger? I wish I had.
And this is none of those famous post-partum issues that one might have. I think I have passed all that already. It is all just Leipzig Sunday weather making it blue.

 

Well, thing is that I am a big fat or real slim shady or whatever mum now. I have two months old baby. I hardly sleep at nights and in the morning, which starts at 5 am, I try to be smily and happy for my baby.
G-d, is life hard!
Happiness is hard too. I mean to keep being happy is. My point is we all have dreamt about happiness not even knowing what that could have been.
Suddenly I feel so exhausted I tell myself, Sophie, just hold on, this too shall pass (not my copyright definitely), just take it easy and GROW UP! Yes, I keep telling myself to grow up and stop being this wannabe Drew Barrymore character.
I try to be calm and good. I want to be calm and good as a matter of fact. I want to be happy and satisfied with life, I want to be tuned in with the environment around me which doesn't always work. It has never worked anyway.

I was reading "Franny and Zooey" to my baby boy the other day. He did not really seemed that interested for he fell asleep soon on my chest but I kept reading and reading, feeling for Franny and later for Zooey too. Isn't it crazy that no matter what these guys are always there on my Ikea bookshelf to cherish me and stand by me? IT IS!

Keep searching, Soph. Please go on.

Never drew away!!!

Everybody knows how I love Drew Barrymore, and why I love her. She probably is one of the very few Hollywood personalities that does not play diva and is always simple. She turned 37 today, still 10 years senior and imagine, I grew up watching her movies and feeling for her when she used to go through hard times in her life.

Drew is a dream sister, isn't she?

What's also very admirable in her that she knows how to dress according her age and been there and done that, she doesn't show much of a flesh nowadays. I love people who grow and develop, who learn from life and don't let it bring them down.

I truly hope and pray that this year's going to be marvelous for Drew and her fiance, hope their relationship will work for good and they will have happy marriage; will have many healthy children and Drew will be as accomplished mother as a person she is!!!


P.S. Watched her on Ellen and I loved her saying about her fiance that he is a very good man. Not showing off too much love and how this and that they are, but just saying he's a good man :) he'd better be.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DREW!!!

How Beautiful We Are

There is something about Romy, isn't there?

She might had not been the most beautiful woman or a sex symbol but she was this very cattish one: sweet, cute, with playful eyes and lovely neck. Neck is something that has to be beautiful and soft in woman. Neck is the best part of a body after ears of course.
Well, you know I always like actresses who kind of remind myself. So is Romy. I was very young when a friend of my mother said to me there was something of that Romy Schneider in me. I'll never forget that. Those words changed many things for me. Little girls always need some encouragement to have confidence in the way they look and since then I've always had enough confidence and satisfaction about mine.

I believe it is important that every mother tells her daughter how beautiful and intellectually capable she is. Life is going to be tough enough and lack of self confidence may become a hard issue for a person. Not only the girls, I know my teenage nephew who also needs to be told how smart and handsome he is; my aunt has been grateful for I can easily communicate with her teenage grandchildren just being there and listening without judging. No matter whether you are somebody's mother or not - just say positive things to people, encourage them, tell them how beautiful and great they are because nothing makes the world stronger and nicer than the kind words coming out from one's mouth.
What goes around comes around, remember? Multiply kindness and have fun! Life is what we make of it.

Boy! Sometimes I feel so full of love and energy I think I may explode and destroy the world. I would be the first world destroyer by loving, so good, I should be thinking about it more... Водопад - just like my sweet teenage friend is, no?

Anyways, we are all beautiful and nice as long as we want to be so, don't we?

Have a great Shabbes!!! Enjoy week end!

Live, laugh and be good, everybody!!!

Thanks to Romy Schneider (my mother and her friend as well) for inspiring and giving me confidence to be what I am.

World in a different shape

I posted few hours ago and now I feel so calm, it is unbelievable. My mood is totally depended on the moon you know, now it's Rosh Chodesh have that in mind.

Went to the Smiths today, my chessed family, sweetest and nicest people ever. Rabbi Smith is a rosh yeshiva - the smartest man I've ever seen, calm and nice as well. And rebbetzin is as dear as it could be. Gosh. Will I ever achieve that level of bitachon and serenity? I told her I feel very nervous about various things, and find so difficult to relax and just believe everything is going to be all right with Hashem's help even though I am sure it will. I still worry and think about it. She just smiled and said that everything we do is from G-d, even the mistakes are helpful; one grows so much from them, becomes better person (ideally). She really calmed me down. Then her children started to cry and she just handled them with smile and asked with sweet voice to go to sleep. They have three small kids who I absolutely adore and learn so much from them. I mean the way rebbetzin Smith treats her children is amazing - she never raises a voice, lets them have fun and go little wild. I love that. I love when parents let their children to enjoy their childhood. She actually told me that she believes - when they grow up they should remember how nice their childhood was and how free they have been.

I also believe in that you should bring up your children very relaxed, let them be free and wild. I mean, life is going to be hard enough once they are old so why set limits? I hope and pray to be able to have children like that - healthy and happy. I will let them go crazy, get soaked wet, eat cakes with hands and laugh a lot. Seriously, when I hold baby Yedidia Smith in my arms I realize that I am going to be most cool and funny mother ever.

Yes, everyone needs family and children to feel complete. And an ATTITUDE. Attitude and ability to love and be loved you know. Had a conversation with Michal Garrett recently, she is this young American woman I am friends with, plus she teaches at the midrasha, and we came to conclusion that love is necessary. Nothing can be built up only on rational decisions, you need to feel and care about the person you marry. You need to talk and be free, be open with each other. Man. This is the most important relationship in the world - anything else just gets behind.

Life is amazing after all, isn't it? You just go out, meet people, talk to them and see the world in a different shape.

Blue-eyed Uncle

Last night was THE night. I went to sleep at 7 pm. Then woke up at 12 I guess when year 2011 was about to enter the world. Heard those crazy fireworks but did not even bother to get up and look out the window.

After that tried to sleep but could not for hours. I suddenly recalled all my extraordinary uncles and aunts. I have an amazing uncle really. The youngest brother of my mother. He is not quite young, he's 50 but very cool. One friend reminded me about Ping Pong game and that is why I remembered him probably. I used to play ping pong with him, and I actually always won, then he would smile with his blue eyes and say: Soph, I'll be lucky in love though. I am telling you he's funny. What love? He has grown up sons and beautiful wife. Anyway he is always eager for love I guess. I mean he does everything with his heart and soul. Sometimes I think that my crazy sense of humour is all from him. Plus he looks like my mother very much - with his big blue eyes and lovely smile, and humour just like me: you never know when he jokes and when he really means it.

I guess I felt little loneliness last night that is why I tried to escape in my adolescence and thought about my family. I have been very independent since I was little kid with reddish hair, everyone would ask my opinion and then I just grew out from all of them. I decided to live different life of a religious Jew. And left them behind. Now when I imagine that I cannot eat my uncle's fried potatoes or I need to check how he makes yogurt, it hurts me a bit.

Then I realize that it is just childhood I miss, you know, when I was this wild girl running and laughing her guts out hoping she would become someone really great. It is crazy to put such ideas into little girl's head that she should be someone great when she grows up no matter what. And what if this girl does not want to be someone great at all but just be a sweet wife and mother. Is it too old fashioned? I know people who think so.

You know what my uncle told me once? That I will be great in anything I do even if I just smile and make someone's day. He himself is crazy, funny and sometimes blue too, but he always knows how to cheer me up and make me feel good about myself. I think this is the point when you understand that someone really loves you - makes you feel good about yourself and inspires you to become even better.

To teenagers and old people

I love waking up when everyone else is asleep. Then I can come downstairs, drink my milk coffee and look out the window.
So quiet and dark.
5:56 am.

My teenage friend Rebekka saw the movie "Into The Wild" and was full of emotions, impressions yesterday. She asked me if it's true that "Happiness is only real when shared"? I suddenly realized that yes, that's what it is actually.
I've been asked what is the stable character trait I've got, I hesitated a little and answered, that it is optimism that I never lose.
Not only optimism.
Empathy.
And now Rebekka actually made me think that I am only happy if my friends, my fellow Jews are happy. Not only Jews really. How can I be happy if my old Kurdish neighbour in Georgia is miserable? Or how can I rejoice if I knew my Georgian childhood friend was unhappy?

Man is not an island, is it?

I am so influenced by the media even though I try to resist.
Yesterday I was thinking how I hate fur and diamonds. So many animals and children are killed because of those luxurious things. Once I told this to my eldest cousin and she looked at me worried: "Sophie, you cannot feed the whole world. Don't think so much."
I can't. Compassion is in my blood.
Remember, I have often said that I wish I was shallower and little stupid girl for my life would have been much easier? I never really meant it. Because it would have never been real me if I were happy-go-lucky with the world vanity.

Thank you, Rebekka Averbach, for that. Now when my mum asks me why do teenagers and old people love me so much, I know what to answer: Ma, it's because I share their happiness as well as their misery.

Soul Asylum

My mother hates this kind of guys. She says they look like drug addicted and irresponsible British rock stars :lol: even though these b^&(s are from the US and I love this song. Runaway train, that used to be me. The love I ever felt was for this kind of train and gosh, what use can train have if it is not running away?

שנה טובה ומתוקה

Yes, it's been a year.
Quite a long and important year. Remember my Rosh Hashanah last year? It was one of the best days of my life and I'll never forget it.

This year is very different. I am different too. It's been total 6 months I study at the midrasha. It was September 24th when I arrived in Berlin for the first time and that's when all the changes began. It was difficult in the beginning, I needed quite a time to adjust and get used to Germany. And here I am now after a year, waiting for Rosh Hashanah and thinking about my past year, future plans and the life choice. My mother used to tell me that one should grab a chance and make the right choice before it fades away. I guess I was always a good daughter listening to my mother... even though she wanted me to become a career woman, I still grabbed a chance and made this choice of becoming religious Jew and keeping all the commandments with joy and happiness.

I very much hope to improve my character this year, to work on my negative features; be more patient, and less emotional than I am now. I also hope to be forgiven by all the people who I have accidentally hurt. You know I love you all, I love the whole wide world for it is the place that Almighty G-d created for us and now it is absolutely up to us how to take care of it and each others.

Do you also think that I grew old? Lots of people who I had not seen for a long time and meet me now keep telling me that I have changed a lot, and there's something womanish in me :) funny, isn't it? I think it was time for me finally to become womanish. Sunny girl should be left in the past and I should move on and on.

May you all have sweet and meaningful New Year!!! My special love and best of brachot to family Rosenblatt in Tbilisi - last Rosh Hashanah will remain in my heart forever. THANK YOU!

שנה טובה ומתוקה

Like Liz Wurtzell

I'm back in Berlin. It's my third arrival and second year in the midrasha. I feel like I'm thousand years old and I've seen it all. I never thought I'd feel this way. Berlin always makes me sad in the beginning before I get used to it - new people, new environment and new me. Yes, new ME. I change day by day so much that sometimes I can't recognize myself.

Before I left home I had conversation with my mother and I felt like Elizabeth Wurtzel in "Prozac Nation" - "I wanted to become something big and important, I wanted to be successful, but I just could not." I guess I felt little guilty before my mum who has always wanted me to be a career woman, and I don't know if I ever wanted the same. Anyway, she cheered me up saying that she's happy if I am happy.

It is so difficult to be completely happy, but I'm trying. I really do. DO YOU TOO?

Can we do anything???

Know that everything is according to the reckoning. And let not your evil inclination promise you that the grave will be an escape for you - for against your will you were created; against your will you were born; against your will you live; against your will you die, and against your will you are destined to give an account before the King Who rules over kings, the Holy One, Blessed is He.

(Rabbi Elazar HaKappar. Pirkei Avot 4:29)

"Pirkei Avot" is the book that I read on Shabbat. I read when I feel good and bad. I read when I have nowhere to escape and you cannot escape from yourself, you know. Today I found this quote and could not wait to share it with you.

Free will has always been an issue that bothered me since I have begun to understand life, world and G-d. My mother kept saying, you just do it, what you have to do, and the result will be from above. Sometimes I was doing what I had to do and sometimes - not. Especially if you read something like this and think: if everything is destined and happens without my will, what should I act for? If I have no power to change my life, why should I go on?

One of my friends told me that it is not a right way to think.
We, humans, are free to choose the way we go, even though it was destined for us to see it. One still has to decide where to go, what to be, what to wear, what to eat...

And still, can we??? Can we really decide what our life should be like?
I do not know and this is the question no-one could answer me so far :| Because nobody really knows. There are controversial facts, speeches and all, so one says what he/she believes or according to its life experiences, childhood and etc.

That is why I adore "Pirkei Avot", you can always find something deep in it and have thinking for rest of your life. By the way, was it destined for me to love "Pirkei Avot" anyway???

'Fun Enough'

I love my name.
Rather, I'm obsessed with it. It's not a very humble way to say that I want to have my own bakery, or a shop: "Sophie's", "The Sophie Golden Shop', "Sophie Golden's". I've been always hiding my true calling you know. I'd love to have my own colorful bakery, serve people, talk with them and all. My mother would say, 'so do your master's and become professional psychoanalyst!' Ok, I'll do that, but I'd love to do something different, walk and talk, and smile and have fun - when I see there's no fun, I can't do.

I'll be 25 in a month and I still can't get enough of fun :|

P.S. My curly hair is back - I washed it in the morning, and I still feel real-sophie-goldenish. Curls just express my personality you know, that's why it is so difficult for me to change the haircut.

What's your stone???

Today I found out that my zodiac stone is Tourqoise.
I thought I preferred green stones to tourqoise, but now I realize that everytime when I go somewhere, light blue stones attract me much more than the green.
Actually I've got this silver ring with tourqoisish stone in Georgia for 20 gel. Today I looked at it and decided that I really love it. So zodiacs may be right in some ways.

The following is the quizz I did on facebook and liked answers a lot :)

You were born on a Sunday. - correct, mum says; she knows better.
Your Zodiac Sign is Capricorn. - yes.
Your Chinese Zodiac Sign is Rat. - bliah, yes.
Your Ruling Planet is Saturn. - aha.
Your Birthstone is Turquoise. - I'm glad.
Your Birth Flower is Narcissus. - I love that flower so much. Yellow is one of my favourite colours.
Your Birth Tree is Apple Tree. - my favourite fruit as a matter of fact.
Your Birth Number is 3. - uhm...
Your Lucky Color is Brown or Green. - Can't say I love brown, but green is totally my colour, my blogs' too.
Your Lucky Day is Saturday. - YEAH! I love SHABBAT!!!
Your Lucky Number is Eight. - 8? Baruch Hashem, it's the best number ever.


So, you wanna make such funny and entertaining quizzes??? Log on Facebook and do it! :)

SHABBAT SHALOM!!!!

Fresh Sunny

Give it up, yo! =))
I got brand new blog.
I'm gonna write about my very own stuff - what I read, what I think, music I listen to, books I read, people I love, fun I'm having and everything that occures my mind, body and soul.
My life is colorful - I've got lots of friends, sweet mother, loving sister Lilu, above it all - I've got Almighty LORD, and nothing's gonna bring me down. Ok, being down is not hard, but I try to overcome it all and be SUNNY.
See you very soon, darlings!