Crymama

It took me more than an hour to put Ezra to sleep. During this one hour he pooed twice, drank water, jumped up and down, cried, and then fell asleep on my lap.

Looking at his wet eyelashes, I also started to cry and once I start crying, there's nothing to stop me. I cried my heart out for good - remembered not only my idea of calm and cool parenthood (in which I fail lately), but also my own childhood. Suddenly missed my mum like mad and wanted her with me so I would fall asleep on her lap too.

Then I cried because Ezra is my copy of a character. You just can't make him do whatever he doesn't want to. You can't talk to him strictly if you want him to do what you should.
Main reason of my heartful crying was that I don't want him to have character traits like me. I've been a trouble all my life - although I was excellent student, my behaviour was rebellious at school; most professors at university didn't like me either (nor my writing). Work - I've never worked at one place more than 1 year in my life :| I didn't like bosses. I can't stand social injustice and snobs. At home - I was whining all the time and everyone should've listened to it. My mum and sister Lilu are heroes.
I said I didn't want Ezra to be like me and I meant it. At least I am woman and it's not a tragedy, but for a man having my character means he'll be another Che Guevara revolting against the dominant world for all his life - not proper, especially for a Jewish boy who needs to be disciplined Torah and Talmud scholar. Only Hashem can help ME to be a good mum to raise my children in His way!
אָמֵן!!!

Good thing is, I became better person after getting married, I work on myself quite hard to be patient and not lose temper easily. I need to work harder though, because I might be very happy and positive person, always laughing and joking, but inside I am a rebel. As a wife - I think I am not that bad, I hear what my husband says, make him feel warm home and try to whine as little as possible.
Mum - I can't tell you yet. It's been only 14 months I've been in this position. I don't mind Ezra throwing things around, messing and eating like a baby pig, only thing that makes me mad is his sleep - rather not wanting to go to bed.

So, after crying came the sunshine with the words of Shlomo HaMelech: "This too shall pass". I knew it will. I know Ezra will grow up quickly, I'll get old even quicker, but I am a human, Mensch!!!! :) Human that needs to have emotions and express them or time will pass and emotions fade to nowhere; while I believe it's all about emotions that makes the world go round and makes mantra become better (if you say so, Soph, big fat mantra expert! :P).

Never drew away!!!

Everybody knows how I love Drew Barrymore, and why I love her. She probably is one of the very few Hollywood personalities that does not play diva and is always simple. She turned 37 today, still 10 years senior and imagine, I grew up watching her movies and feeling for her when she used to go through hard times in her life.

Drew is a dream sister, isn't she?

What's also very admirable in her that she knows how to dress according her age and been there and done that, she doesn't show much of a flesh nowadays. I love people who grow and develop, who learn from life and don't let it bring them down.

I truly hope and pray that this year's going to be marvelous for Drew and her fiance, hope their relationship will work for good and they will have happy marriage; will have many healthy children and Drew will be as accomplished mother as a person she is!!!


P.S. Watched her on Ellen and I loved her saying about her fiance that he is a very good man. Not showing off too much love and how this and that they are, but just saying he's a good man :) he'd better be.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DREW!!!

Put your skates on!

Drew Barrymore directed a very interesting music video for MTV. Watched it yesterday and am really impressed. Not that I was not sure in Drew's talent, but the script is so cute and lively; emotional and dark sometimes - little mix of early 80's that meets Romeo and Juliet, West Side Story and angry James Dean.

Drew has been producing movies since she's 25 (now she's 36) and been managing a movie company "The Flower Films" with beautiful Nancy Juvonen (Jimmy Fallon's spouse). You might not know that Drew has also produced very hardcore "Donnie Darko" with Gyllenhaal sister and brother; there are also "Charlie's Angels" kicking some butt, romantic comedies like "Never been kissed" and "50 First Dates" under her company's belt. But her directorial debut took it all and became my personal number one movie "Whip it" with Ellen Page and Kristen Wiig in it with the motto: "Put your skates on be your own hero".

I wouldn't accept anything less. The video is so Drewish - idealistic, stylish and sweet. Haven't seen anything like this lately. Good job, Drew! Bring on some more. You know how to rock we all know that.

Watch the music video here.

Free as a bird

I quit my Georgian blog couple of days ago. No explanations - those people who know me and who have read Salinger's "Franny and Zooey" will understand me anyway. I was putting too much pressure on myself and had forgotten my motto: to be free as a bird.

I don't need SUNNY WORLD to make me feel completely Sunny, I don't need many comments to feel honored; I don't need anything but to feel G-d's presence wherever I go and whatever I do. I have so many friends, teachers, Midrasha :) and inspiring celebrity soul sister Drew Barrymore. BH!

I'm just too happy to blog :lol:

Just Listening

I know that people are different and I should not demand from everyone to be as I want them to be - like me :|
But why can't they be nicer? I prefer people who can be polite and smile even they don't feel that way. Why can't they just listen? People can't listen, it's unbelievable.

Today we had an amazing shiur with Olga Afanasev, she's just great. I wish more girls could attend her classes - because she just teaches us to listen others, to be compassionate, to be better person so to say. I'm not sure whether it helps or not, but I can see that the girls who come to this class have become friendlier and confident. So have I.
I've always been a listener, but sometimes it gets hard for me - only listening while others hate listening, or if they do listen, you can feel they do kind of favor to you. That's why I prefer to listen and then write, you know, at least I can be heard this way =))

Well, don't take this post too seriously, I'm just very tired, missed my mum, my home, my room, my bed, my kitchen, my sister Lilu - she's the one who can listen to me (and Dina for sure).

Ella, this sweet new girl in midrasha, said today: 'Hashem elokeinu, Hashem echad - that means He is not only One, but He's Unique - when you are sure of that, nothing can ever bring you down.' She's just wonderful person. Thanks for people like her I keep on sunny-ing!

He is Unique, and He is with me, I shall not fear!

Fresh Sunny

Give it up, yo! =))
I got brand new blog.
I'm gonna write about my very own stuff - what I read, what I think, music I listen to, books I read, people I love, fun I'm having and everything that occures my mind, body and soul.
My life is colorful - I've got lots of friends, sweet mother, loving sister Lilu, above it all - I've got Almighty LORD, and nothing's gonna bring me down. Ok, being down is not hard, but I try to overcome it all and be SUNNY.
See you very soon, darlings!