This Easy Tuesday When I Went And Wore an almost Hijab

I usually don't like posting photos, but this one is going to be an exception. I felt so good today in this clothes, especially the scarf (bough at "Strauss" last Summer). I wore it a little "almost liberal hijab style" and definitely got many looks, some suspicious, some - complimenting, some - hateful and some - indifferent.
I have very long hands, I know (although I am only 165 cm, my limbs are really long and most people have optical illusion of me being quite tall, which is very nice to hear). And my hand palms have become quite rough and large as well since I've got family and do all the household stuff.
When I was young, I probably would've looked down on someone who had rough hands, or wrinkles, or grey hair. Not that I was ageist or something, no I was a very normal young person, who thought she'd be as young and carefree forever as she was then. Now looking at this photo of mine, I realise how I have changed, how my opinions have been transformed into something else, and baruch Hashem, I have become more tolerant, more understanding and more respectful to those, who work hard, especially for their family.

So here's to those strong women, who make the world/family go round. The real eshet chayils, who work day and night, who defeat their egos and put their husbands, children, parents, in-laws first.
I am still working, trying hard not to be selfish, not to get upset when I don't get what I want, because that only makes me stronger (but no-one realises that at the first place, does it?).

Western culture and today's world are so focused on oneself, shoving their ideas on us: be yourself, do what you want, you deserve the best, you are the best, be who you are, do what you want...
Scary. Do you understand how dangerous those slogans are? What does "be yourself" and "do what you want" mean? Then they bomb us with advertisements, man made images, false ideas and ideals, wrong role models, and still "wish we were ourselves".
No, I don't want that!

I want to be better tomorrow than I am today, which will be different myself and this means, I can't be myself all the time, only fools can be.

I won't do what I want either, because I may want to eat all that 500 grams of Ben & Jerry's ice cream with caramel filled chocolate chips (pure temptation), which I could do in a blink of an eye without even sharing with anyone, but I will not. It's not okay. Let alone it's not okay to eat so much sugar, it's all about managing your desires, your weaknesses and directing it in a way that would be proper. Children, plus sharing is caring, really.

I hope and wish I get more will power and strength to fight my weaknesses, get over my fears and let myself be the better self as possible. Amen!

1% of Me

I've been messing blogging since 2009 I guess and this poor old blog has seen a lot.

I hoped I'd homeschool, but I don't. I unschool though. Because I hate school rules, I don't like putting all the children in a same row. And I hate educational system of the world. Yes, of the whole world.
The best education child can receive is home: loving, warm, caring and comfortable home, where parents pay attention to children, never scold them, only rebuke a bit for their own sake. Mostly praise and motivate them to do good. And it works: child is and will be exactly what its parents say to that child. If you keep telling your child how stubborn and/or aggressive he is, be sure he will be that way. When you mostly focus on his positive middos, cherish his determination and direct it to the way of love, you won't go wrong. 
This is our parenting or schooling, whatever you may call, in a nutshell.

Since I don't put my children's photos on internet and try to write only general stuff about them, I realised, this blog is not and cannot be a mum blog. Because I don't want to.

Yes, I am mum 99%, but the 1% that is left, that 1% of Sophie, who loves to look around and see the sun, read books and people, learn languages and cultures, explore lives and loves, wants this blog to be her getaway place.
I want this blog to be little quiet place, where I'll come and ramble not about the things I do, but what I think too.

I hope you don't mind, do you? :-)

THANK YOU

Thank YOU, G-d, for giving me this chance to be a girl as I am :)
Thank you mum for everything that you have been doing for me.
Thank you my friends, each of you, for what you are and who you are.
Thank you my blog readers, I know you are there (here) and make my day, and I know you know who you are :)
Thank you World for being my shelter, anywhere I go I know this world is mine.

AND

Thank you, crazy sunny Sophie Golden - you make trouble, you get into trouble, you try to grow up and be better person. You're quite good girl. Thank you for these 25 years we have been together and will be even more.

THANK YOU!

Letters

I love writing letters.
Love letters :D I'm such Tatiana Larina, gosh. I have written thousands of letters and burned them all... only some of them I have sent to their addressees.
Well, I am good at letters - whether it's romantic or formal e-mails. Maybe I should start a business - The Sophie Golden Letter Company, huh?

I write and then think, oh, why did I do that? It is so embarrassing in the end. But I feel relieved. It gives me strength and strange feeling of freedom. Of spiritual freedom, if you know what I mean.

Because I love people and want to show my affection to them. Man, I'm so full of positivity that am afraid to explode in the air one day :))) Can't even think why am I so positive. I have had such crazy life - not an easy one and still, as long as I can walk and talk, and feel the love of G-d, I'll be SUNNY, I promise.

Kitten In My Pocket

Liz Taylor "Kitten In My Pocket"

Ok, it's my Birthday today, if you did not know yet :D

And I'm not going to write some philosophical stuff here like I do all the time. About where is "there"? Where is "he"?

I'm a big girl. I make decisions on my own. I live on my own. I chose the way of my life on my own.
Saying this I realize that all I have chosen is not just like that - everything that happened in my life has its particular reason. Yes, to challenge me and improve my personality.
Last year has been "revolutionary" for me, so to say. I've become observant religious, finished university, left for Berlin, studied in midrasha... Many things happened, many people came in my life, showed me different points of view...

And I'm still the same - Sophie SUNNY Golden - who loves black & white hollywood movies, Salinger's books, having fun with friends and in the end of the day - analyzes her life.
25 - is like you've never even thought before you'd go that far :) do you know what I mean? When I was younger I thought girls of that age were so old and they could not have fun any more. So wrong. Never felt better.

It's all in our head, you know - age, looks, silly stereotypes.

I just refuse to all of this and plan to go on with G-d's help.

'Fun Enough'

I love my name.
Rather, I'm obsessed with it. It's not a very humble way to say that I want to have my own bakery, or a shop: "Sophie's", "The Sophie Golden Shop', "Sophie Golden's". I've been always hiding my true calling you know. I'd love to have my own colorful bakery, serve people, talk with them and all. My mother would say, 'so do your master's and become professional psychoanalyst!' Ok, I'll do that, but I'd love to do something different, walk and talk, and smile and have fun - when I see there's no fun, I can't do.

I'll be 25 in a month and I still can't get enough of fun :|

P.S. My curly hair is back - I washed it in the morning, and I still feel real-sophie-goldenish. Curls just express my personality you know, that's why it is so difficult for me to change the haircut.

Fresh Sunny

Give it up, yo! =))
I got brand new blog.
I'm gonna write about my very own stuff - what I read, what I think, music I listen to, books I read, people I love, fun I'm having and everything that occures my mind, body and soul.
My life is colorful - I've got lots of friends, sweet mother, loving sister Lilu, above it all - I've got Almighty LORD, and nothing's gonna bring me down. Ok, being down is not hard, but I try to overcome it all and be SUNNY.
See you very soon, darlings!