What's Going On?

What else can I say? Here is the song, here are the lyrics and here is my life. My 25 years of waking, sleeping and asking myself: What's goin' on???

25 years and my life is still
trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this
Brotherhood of man
For whatever that means
And so I cry somethimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out what's in my head
And I'm, I am feeling a little peculiar
So I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
What's goin' on
And I say hey....
And I say hey what's goin' on
And I say hey....
I said hey what's goin' on
Oooh....
Oooh....
And I try, oh my God do I try
I try all the time
In this institution
And I pray, oh my God do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution
And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out what's in my head
And I'm, I am feeling a little peculiar
So I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
What's goin'on
And I say hey...
And I say hey what's goin' on
And I say hey...
I said hey what's goin' on
And I say hey...
And I say hey what's goin' on
And I say hey...
I said hey what's goin' on
Oooh....
25 years and my life is still
trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination

Kitten In My Pocket

Liz Taylor "Kitten In My Pocket"

Ok, it's my Birthday today, if you did not know yet :D

And I'm not going to write some philosophical stuff here like I do all the time. About where is "there"? Where is "he"?

I'm a big girl. I make decisions on my own. I live on my own. I chose the way of my life on my own.
Saying this I realize that all I have chosen is not just like that - everything that happened in my life has its particular reason. Yes, to challenge me and improve my personality.
Last year has been "revolutionary" for me, so to say. I've become observant religious, finished university, left for Berlin, studied in midrasha... Many things happened, many people came in my life, showed me different points of view...

And I'm still the same - Sophie SUNNY Golden - who loves black & white hollywood movies, Salinger's books, having fun with friends and in the end of the day - analyzes her life.
25 - is like you've never even thought before you'd go that far :) do you know what I mean? When I was younger I thought girls of that age were so old and they could not have fun any more. So wrong. Never felt better.

It's all in our head, you know - age, looks, silly stereotypes.

I just refuse to all of this and plan to go on with G-d's help.

Get up & act!

Yesterday I heard Meira and Genia's intellectual conversation-on-stairs about evolution.
I realized that I've never thought about that before.
And I don't care either.

I care about my character and personality. I have to talk to rav Roberg and I did not manage yet. Oh! It's stupid that I need to take time, think and only afterwards make move. I hate this word 'have to', it kills me :( and I know this is my yetzer ara, I'm trying to fight it and hope to win over it.

How can I believe in evolution when all I truly believe in is Hashem. My life's been one big gift and miracle given to me by him. Revolution? I did believe in it some time ago.
Evolution? Not for me.

I need more strength, modesty and 'kick' to get up and act for my good!!!