This Easy Tuesday When I Went And Wore an almost Hijab

I usually don't like posting photos, but this one is going to be an exception. I felt so good today in this clothes, especially the scarf (bough at "Strauss" last Summer). I wore it a little "almost liberal hijab style" and definitely got many looks, some suspicious, some - complimenting, some - hateful and some - indifferent.
I have very long hands, I know (although I am only 165 cm, my limbs are really long and most people have optical illusion of me being quite tall, which is very nice to hear). And my hand palms have become quite rough and large as well since I've got family and do all the household stuff.
When I was young, I probably would've looked down on someone who had rough hands, or wrinkles, or grey hair. Not that I was ageist or something, no I was a very normal young person, who thought she'd be as young and carefree forever as she was then. Now looking at this photo of mine, I realise how I have changed, how my opinions have been transformed into something else, and baruch Hashem, I have become more tolerant, more understanding and more respectful to those, who work hard, especially for their family.

So here's to those strong women, who make the world/family go round. The real eshet chayils, who work day and night, who defeat their egos and put their husbands, children, parents, in-laws first.
I am still working, trying hard not to be selfish, not to get upset when I don't get what I want, because that only makes me stronger (but no-one realises that at the first place, does it?).

Western culture and today's world are so focused on oneself, shoving their ideas on us: be yourself, do what you want, you deserve the best, you are the best, be who you are, do what you want...
Scary. Do you understand how dangerous those slogans are? What does "be yourself" and "do what you want" mean? Then they bomb us with advertisements, man made images, false ideas and ideals, wrong role models, and still "wish we were ourselves".
No, I don't want that!

I want to be better tomorrow than I am today, which will be different myself and this means, I can't be myself all the time, only fools can be.

I won't do what I want either, because I may want to eat all that 500 grams of Ben & Jerry's ice cream with caramel filled chocolate chips (pure temptation), which I could do in a blink of an eye without even sharing with anyone, but I will not. It's not okay. Let alone it's not okay to eat so much sugar, it's all about managing your desires, your weaknesses and directing it in a way that would be proper. Children, plus sharing is caring, really.

I hope and wish I get more will power and strength to fight my weaknesses, get over my fears and let myself be the better self as possible. Amen!

1% of Me

I've been messing blogging since 2009 I guess and this poor old blog has seen a lot.

I hoped I'd homeschool, but I don't. I unschool though. Because I hate school rules, I don't like putting all the children in a same row. And I hate educational system of the world. Yes, of the whole world.
The best education child can receive is home: loving, warm, caring and comfortable home, where parents pay attention to children, never scold them, only rebuke a bit for their own sake. Mostly praise and motivate them to do good. And it works: child is and will be exactly what its parents say to that child. If you keep telling your child how stubborn and/or aggressive he is, be sure he will be that way. When you mostly focus on his positive middos, cherish his determination and direct it to the way of love, you won't go wrong. 
This is our parenting or schooling, whatever you may call, in a nutshell.

Since I don't put my children's photos on internet and try to write only general stuff about them, I realised, this blog is not and cannot be a mum blog. Because I don't want to.

Yes, I am mum 99%, but the 1% that is left, that 1% of Sophie, who loves to look around and see the sun, read books and people, learn languages and cultures, explore lives and loves, wants this blog to be her getaway place.
I want this blog to be little quiet place, where I'll come and ramble not about the things I do, but what I think too.

I hope you don't mind, do you? :-)

Raising A Child - Love And Other Things

 חֲנֹךְ לַנַּעַר, עַל-פִּי דַרְכּוֹ

My mum stayed with us for more than a month and when she left last Sunday, I felt like a child, who needed comfort so much, that did not know what to do. I was putting Ezra to sleep while I felt like a child myself who needed his mum right away to soothe him to sleep.

Once my old friend said that she was panicked when realised now she was a mother herself and had to take care of her newborn baby - not just physically, but mentally. 

Honestly, changing diapers and nursing are not that hard (well, they ARE, but not exclusively), giving your child right direction, right education, that is called Chinuch in Hebrew, are indeed.

Every once in a while I also get terrified of being parent and the great responsibility I hold towards my children. 

Will I be able to provide each of them exact things that they need? Will I be able to bring the each one up according to its character as Great King Solomon says, you should train/raise your child according to its own way.
Rabbiner Shimshon Raphael Hirsch brings example of Esav and Yakov, twin brothers whom the Same mother had born. They were brought up in a Same environment and got Similar chances to become what they had to become. Yet, Esav was a wicked man, who could fool his father easily and pretend he was righteous too asking very smart questions, while Yakov became the Patriarch of not only Jewish people, but anyone, who recognises the Bible (let alone Jacob is one of the popular names) by being good man and working on his traits. My personal favourite achievement of his is defeating an Angel or himself, shall I say his Ego, because I am of that opinion, which believes Yakov fought himself at that very night. He had to fight his fears, shortcomings and only afterwards could he win over Esav and his mighty powers, which would later become Rome. I got little carried away, sorry; what I meant to say was, that Rabbi Hirsch talks about those two brothers and suggests, that if they were brought up not Similarly, but in a way that would be suitable for each of them, Esav's story might have been different. He doesn't criticise Yitschak and Rivka's chinuch directly, but only suggests his view on it.

Every child has its own way definitely; he has his very own temperament, character and mission as well.
But now let me look at all this from the point of parents, who also have their own way of upbringing, which is subconsciously caused by the way they were brought up. Some people try to oppose their upbringing while some admire their own parents' methods and keep educating the generation "traditionally". I am not to judge any of them.
I believe one should find its own way (again!) of parenting. From what I've gathered last 2,5 years of parenting, this is a BIGGEST challenge one may have in life, because it is about your most closest person, the one you brought into this world and now are about to make it comfortable in it, right? So, you absolutely want to make the best of it. Everyone wants to be the parent of a leader, winner, genius, and so on... but only very few are.

Do I too? Surely, but as Isaiah put beautifully, I created you and I shall bear you. My children will always be the best to me ananyway.

As for children, they don't need nervous and uptight parents, who make them anxious too. They want to see self-confident, strong-willed and intelligent ones, who can make rules and sometimes even break them. It will take years for children to honestly love and really appreciate their parents, I can tell from my personal experience, but they will if they were brought up with love. As one very wise woman told me once, you can never go wrong with love! First, love yourself, she said, otherwise you can't love your fellow people. 

So this is when I sort of calmed down and let myself relax a bit :-)
Yes, I am a big girl now, although it doesn't bother me to miss my mum and want her to pet my head and massage my tired mama back. 

I am mum myself of two clever and sunny boys, who I want to give my best, make them feel secure and happy, but I also realise that I cannot do everything. I cannot be the best mum in the world, because they will have issues in life, they will get hurt, they will be upset and I might be the one who will contradict, criticise and preach them too.
We are all human and it is fine.
Fine as long as there's love and we know about it - parents and children alike.

Yes to raising a child on its own way, as you say - and do it with love, I say :-)

(Have I been finishing my posts with rhyming lately? So funny!)

Photo a day or two, maybe three - 2

Hummus!!!

This has been my breakfast, dinner and supper these days. I love hummus and it's time to learn how to make it myself at home, because it is a problem to find a kosher hummus in Leipzig. They either have it in our tiny kosher shop or at fancy German ones -- very expensive both.

I used to claim that I was very Middle Eastern-tempered person, but living in Europe for all these years definitely transformed me into cold and depressive woman.
In spite of it all I love this lousy Europe, especially Scandinavia and Germany (add Netherlands as well), because of almost feminist government and society, where women are strong and free, where they are not considered as sinful and dirty daughters of Eve.

I've been reading some book about Afghan women and it freezes my blood, how society and especially religious authorities encourage massive ignorance of people and especially women, who are considered half human, as servants of their husbands. It is horrible to be a woman there and we all should thank G-d for being born or raised or living in free countries.

One more thing that scared me today was, that I bumped into a muslim woman at the shop, who was covered in black from head to toes, you could hardly see her eyes; ABSOLUTELY covered. I've never seen someone like that in my life before and I was shocked. First thing I thought was very naive one: "How is she going to say Hallo to the cashier when pays for her things, while they can't see her face???", and "She can't even smile to anyone because nobody will see it anyway" - well, this last one made me seriously sad.
WHY is that necessary? WHAT is wrong (or is there WRONG at all)?
Does it mean, men are considered such animals that women should cover themselves up that much to not to attract them? Why that society and religious personalities think so negatively about human nature? I think this leads to violence and adultery even more, because forbidden fruit is sweeter, as they say.

Well, I don't know. I never judge anyone and this post is also nothing of the sort, I just care and feel about women for I believe we are all same, we aim for same and we want all basic things SAME too, like love, respect, security...

I am very concerned now. I've always been involved and interested in women issues, emancipation and education, but in this case, where religion also comes, I should step back and just watch - at the end of the day, how do I know that woman is miserable? Maybe she's happier than most of us, educated and free women of west after all? Maybe she wouldn't trade that life of hers to any Scandinavian fair woman's wearing jeans and leaving her kids to her husband while she goes to work? And what if all these images of happiness, women freedom and all are just products of the Western culture that is shoved onto our faces and we consider them right while they are against our nature created by G-d?

I am thinking and re-thinking about it.

But wait, what had Rosa Luxemburg, Klara Zetkin or even Virginia Woolf fought for then? Was it all vain and nothing? Didn't they achieve women have property and right to vote? Right to choose their life partners and wear whatever they feel comfortable?

I'm sorry, but it's IMPOSSIBLE! It would be self denial and self deception to believe those women, who have no rights because they're aware of none, are happy. Never in the world has religious extremism brought any good. Beware friends (the ones that dive too deep)!!!

You see how hummus talk could be turned into a much serious post than expected? Long live to Middle East!!!

Time of wonders

Chanuka is just few days away and I haven't started to prepare yet. I still have to take out the chanukkia and clean it. We use oil chanukkia which needs to be washed and polished every year.

This year's going to be different. It's been different since Ezra was born and it will never be the same again, thank G-d. Chanuka starts on Saturday evening right after Shabbat ends so we'll be lighting one candle that night. I usually make sufganyiot (doughnuts filled with jam or chocolate) but I'll make them either on Saturday evening or Sunday, I don't have much time because Shabbat comes first as usual. Plus this Friday my brother-in-law has a birthday so he'll come over to us for Shabbat and we'll be celebrating the "double date" - beautiful queen Shabbat and his 27th birthday.
You need to make also latkes, this is Chanuka tradition. Latkes is grated potatoes with flour and spices fried in oil, which is not favoured in our family and I never make it.
Many people confuse or mix Chanuka with Christmas, or I knew some people who mistakenly thought Chanuka was somewhat alternative to Christmas. Someone even asked whose birthdays do we celebrate on those 8 days. We don't give presents on Chanuka, there's only this European Jewish tradition to give children "chanuka gelt" (Geld = money in German) which would be chocolate coins wrapped in golden paper.

Chanuka is not a festival from Torah. As you might not know there are festivals that are mentioned in the Torah where Hashem commands to observe in a particular way: like blowing shofar on Rosh Hashanah, building sukkah on Sukkot or not eating chametz on Pesach and etc. Chanuka is a festival that was established much later after Greeks conquered Jerusalem and decided to exterminate the Jewish nation (as many nations before and after had done), but they weren't killing people but trying to change their moral behaviour, to influence their culture and make Jews like themselves - people with no morality whatsoever (although this festival doesn't have a Torah value and we have no obligation to do anything, it remains as brightest and jolliest festivals in modern Jews' lives. What can we do, world is so under Western show-offy influence).
There were people who went against them and as it has happened many times during the history - Maccabees - group of "guerillas" fought against conquerors and miraculously won. When the great battle was over and Jews took Jerusalem back, high priest realised there was not enough oil in the temple to light the Menorah and give thanks to the World Creator. And then, against all the physics and chemistry, oil was burning whole 8 days which was/is, indeed, considered as a great miracle of Chanuka. Thus, G-d created everything so He can definitely make oil to burn longer, can't He?
For some this maybe just a beautiful story, but religion is mostly about stories and very strong ones, don't you agree? Because we all love stories, we believe in miracles and that's why we keep on living and winning our own Jerusalem almost everyday.

As for me, Chanuka is very important festival because I absolutely believe in miracles, I don't mean the supernatural ones, but this little life meaningful miracles like receiving exactly what I longed for, or achieving the goal that seemed impossible before. These are my miracles and most of the time they had come true at this Chanuka time. I hope we keep this tradition.
Chanuka Sameach - may you have wonderful, marvelous, lit up and lovely celebration!!! We are all G-d's miracles and it should be enough for now :)