When You Don't Need Any Title Here

This blog used to have a subtitle: Girl With Post Soviet Trauma if you remember.

I am still that girl (rather big strong woman like on this picture).

I am tired.
I mean, really tired emotionally. I want to hug my babies and sleep, sleep, sleep until the world is a better place.
So childish, I know, it even makes me little sick, but I am being very honest.

I miss my friends, I miss my country and the feeling of a motherland.
Not Home though. My Home is where my family is, but the land, I was born, grew up, lived, loved, learned is so very far from me, not only in distance, but mentally too.
I have less and less common with my Georgia, with my friends and relatives there. All I have left is the love for the old memories, I guess. My mum says, it's fine and once you have your own family, you cannot keep up with your old life.

I cannot indeed.

Does it make me sad? Not really.

I am just tired.
And I wish I had a homeland - calm, stable and welcoming back its people.

I am not one of its people anymore, and probably never was either.

You'd tell me, hey, there's your Eretz Yisroel (intentionally writing in an Ashkenazic manner), don't you adore it?
I DO!!! That's where my soul belongs to, that's where my heart and roots are, but it's hard, when I've never lived there, I don't speak Yivrit as fluently as Georgian obviously, and my childhood was spent not there.

Yes, childhood - that must be it.

1% of Me

I've been messing blogging since 2009 I guess and this poor old blog has seen a lot.

I hoped I'd homeschool, but I don't. I unschool though. Because I hate school rules, I don't like putting all the children in a same row. And I hate educational system of the world. Yes, of the whole world.
The best education child can receive is home: loving, warm, caring and comfortable home, where parents pay attention to children, never scold them, only rebuke a bit for their own sake. Mostly praise and motivate them to do good. And it works: child is and will be exactly what its parents say to that child. If you keep telling your child how stubborn and/or aggressive he is, be sure he will be that way. When you mostly focus on his positive middos, cherish his determination and direct it to the way of love, you won't go wrong. 
This is our parenting or schooling, whatever you may call, in a nutshell.

Since I don't put my children's photos on internet and try to write only general stuff about them, I realised, this blog is not and cannot be a mum blog. Because I don't want to.

Yes, I am mum 99%, but the 1% that is left, that 1% of Sophie, who loves to look around and see the sun, read books and people, learn languages and cultures, explore lives and loves, wants this blog to be her getaway place.
I want this blog to be little quiet place, where I'll come and ramble not about the things I do, but what I think too.

I hope you don't mind, do you? :-)

Me Against The World?

I haven't been much out lately to interact with people, do talks and smart discussions like I used to in my "youth". Let me say last three years.
Plus I always blame pregnancy and postpartum brain that doesn't really go away soon, at least mine, to bring the old Sophie back, who could read tons of books and then discuss about them. This is probably why I feel like I have been out of this world for good and have become sort of introvert too.

Nowadays I am this laid back, old fat mama of two little boys, who is not as laid back as she might seem to be ;-)
I am a worrier. Sometimes I just can't sleep because I worry about anything and anyone I have ever known. Really. I may have met someone just for once, but I worry how is that person doing now, is he/she happy, is he/she satisfied with life, is he/she healthy and etc. I have always been that way. I remember I was about 5 years old when one of my friend's mum got seriously sick and my friend could not come out to play (yes, I grew up in THE time when children used to go out in the yard/streets and play together). At night when my mum wished me good night, I burst into tears, because my friend's mum was sick in hospital and nobody could kiss her goodnight that night. I remember asking G-d to never make any child's mum sick so children could go out and play with friends freely, then go to sleep happy because their mums kissed them and wished them good night.

Yes, that's what kind of a girl I have always been. It doesn't matter that I'll be 30 this year, that character of mine has never changed.

Ireland - my spiritual homeland

So honestly, I logged on to write about something else and look where my typing hands got me.
I meant to write about a guest we had, who studies anthropology and humanity history, I hope I say it right. That guest was saying that today's culture, world culture and probably mostly the 1st world one,  is so depressive and even aggressive, because it almost demands from everyone to be "unique", "creative", "original", "cool" and etc. If you are just a regular nice guy, you have already lost my friend. You have to be something more, something that nobody has been before. Yeah, right. Now who believes in that?
Almost whole western world, I answer.

So when once some other guest came over and told me I should be a real minimalist, I knew it was meant to say, my home is simple and I have no sense of "creativity". Well, that is true actually. And I have my reasons (as usual).
First off, I don't like spending money on things that I don't know how to use and why to use. I don't and can't do beautiful things out of nothing like many people do and good for them. Plus, I really like having more space to BREATHE and to dance with my boys. Plus we always have space for guests and are never afraid something might break, because we don't own "cool" stuff.

Second, I am really the most non-creative person of non-creatives. I see beauty and appreciate things when other people do, but I have no desire to do that myself. For example I am so fond of Talia's (and her husband's too) photos, videos and beautiful things she makes, quilts, paints; that artistic talent absolutely becomes and defines her. Because she has it naturally.
I know people can learn all that if they want to, but I think I don't really, because I'd rather read Salinger for 100000000th time and then write letters to Ezra and Aaron telling them how hard it is to be a woman and how they should respect and appreciate me and then their wives, when they have ones on their time :-) or how they should be asking (right) questions all the time and never let system get them down.

Now to resume, I am against superficial creativity as well as against superficial hipsters and coffee drinkers, who don't even like coffee, but still drink just because they heard that would make them "hipper", and don't let me start on their nerdy spectacles, please :-D
I am also against this world and popular culture that is destroying our souls and raising terrible egos.
So I should go to sleep now. See you later, World! Beware.

P.S. Ok. After all this stuff, I went (not literally) and installed Instagram on my old Samsung Galaxy S 3 Mini, which takes horrible pictures, but it's not the point. Aaron is teething (he's already got one and another coming) terribly, only sleeps on me, which is very nice, warm and all, but mama needs to entertain herself when she has time (depends on Ezra naturally), doesn't she? So what can be more entertaining than looking at the beautiful instafiltered lives of others :lol: nothing. So you can follow me if you want to and share your life :-D it's "sunnysof".
Am I really against this world? Go figure*.

*I've never used this phrase in my life before and let me play with my English phraseology, will you please, Mister Paul Auster? :-D Now hold that thought, because I should write about Paul Auster some time soon.

Baruch Dayan HaEmet

Baruch Dayan HaEmet, we say when hear the news of somebody passing away. These words mean that the Judge is True, so to explain, but in most cases how can one agree this judge/death can be true?
How do you tell that to the mums of three kidnapped Israeli teenagers? How do you tell them who bore those babies, fed them and raised them, had nachat from them and expected only joy from them? How can you tell death is true?
How can you tell that to their dads, sisters, brothers, friends?..
May Hashem comfort them as much as it can be possible.

Hashem is a true judge, I know, but today my heart goes out to the families of three murdered boys in Israel. Today I feel like something has died inside me.

Today my heart is also dead after hearing the terrible news about those boys.
It was just last Shabbat when I (with hundreds of other Jewish mothers) separated challah from the dough asking G-d to save those boys and bring them home safely...

I know I cannot understand His plans.
I do not want to either, because I cannot bear right now.

May my Nation never experience such pain of the loss of our children again. They were my children too. Our children! Children of Avraham, Yitschak and Yakov, just like all of us.

May there be peace in Israel, if it is ever possible and no shedding of innocent blood, neither ours nor others'. 

Great with Child

Last book I've read is Beth Ann Fennelly's "Great with child".

I am usually very sceptical towards new authors, especially American ones. You know I adore American literature, mostly THE writers like Salinger, Hemingway, Capote, but modern literature is a disaster just like their cinematography, G-d forbid, how could I ever call Hollywood movies Cinema :D

Anyways, Beth Ann Fennelly is one of those rare authors that absolutely got me into them. First, she's got Irish roots and red hair. Second, she's mum of three. Third, she's a poet and not bad either. I've read couple of her poems and liked them actually, but this book I've mentioned above is something that every mother or to-be should read. Not only extremely encouraging and funny, but it's also very witty and non-judgmental.
I've always been trying to be non-judgmental, but not succeed quite often, people bug me anyways and I call them names, or label and even ban them. While Beth Ann Fennelly seems to be so tolerant to any kind of people, mostly mums in this case, that gives you strength to become little bit like her too.

Except all that, Fennelly's also a freak of grammar, like me, should I say. She especially can't stand when people ignore apostrophes. I liked that so much. Even though I am not from English speaking country at all and nobody would judge (hopefully) my English, but I really try to speak and write correctly and when some native speaking people can't tell between "it's" and "its", or "you're" and "your" seems so embarrassing to me.

So I recommend everyone to read this book. I am even going to re-read it, so enjoyable like a friend of yours writing to you and you are dying to respond or ask some advice, but you really can't.
We all need friends like Beth Ann Fennelly, oh I do a lot.

Have a lovely time!!!

Photo a day or two, maybe three - 1

To motivate myself and blog here often, I decided to make this tiny project called "photo a day (or two, maybe three)". No matter how lousy my shot might be, I should post and tell a story.

So this is a first attempt.

My Sunday Fuchsia nails and my antique laptop as a background. Even if they don't seem fuchsia enough, they are. At least that's what was written on the bottle.

As for my laptop - don't laugh, ok! I've had it since 2006. My mum gave it to me as a present after my first story was published. 

This is my first and only laptop so far. I had dreams about buying the Apple one, but do you think the girl with the soviet and socialistic past could've or would've bought it? For sure, NOT! I don't like to pay much for those conglomerates that rule our lives anyway. Ok, I know there are many people working for those companies that need to feed their families too, but I still don't like them.

Well, maybe I could've surrendered in the end if I had enough income myself to afford it, but since my husband is the only one working hard, meaning he would've paid for it, I ignore all the Apple temptation and stick to my old Fujitsu Siemens - so I'll be faithful till its death do us part.

Last but not least: hey, we live in East Germany after all - most minimal and hippie area, it would be betrayal to the tribe to have luxurious things, wouldn't it? :D

Crymama

It took me more than an hour to put Ezra to sleep. During this one hour he pooed twice, drank water, jumped up and down, cried, and then fell asleep on my lap.

Looking at his wet eyelashes, I also started to cry and once I start crying, there's nothing to stop me. I cried my heart out for good - remembered not only my idea of calm and cool parenthood (in which I fail lately), but also my own childhood. Suddenly missed my mum like mad and wanted her with me so I would fall asleep on her lap too.

Then I cried because Ezra is my copy of a character. You just can't make him do whatever he doesn't want to. You can't talk to him strictly if you want him to do what you should.
Main reason of my heartful crying was that I don't want him to have character traits like me. I've been a trouble all my life - although I was excellent student, my behaviour was rebellious at school; most professors at university didn't like me either (nor my writing). Work - I've never worked at one place more than 1 year in my life :| I didn't like bosses. I can't stand social injustice and snobs. At home - I was whining all the time and everyone should've listened to it. My mum and sister Lilu are heroes.
I said I didn't want Ezra to be like me and I meant it. At least I am woman and it's not a tragedy, but for a man having my character means he'll be another Che Guevara revolting against the dominant world for all his life - not proper, especially for a Jewish boy who needs to be disciplined Torah and Talmud scholar. Only Hashem can help ME to be a good mum to raise my children in His way!
אָמֵן!!!

Good thing is, I became better person after getting married, I work on myself quite hard to be patient and not lose temper easily. I need to work harder though, because I might be very happy and positive person, always laughing and joking, but inside I am a rebel. As a wife - I think I am not that bad, I hear what my husband says, make him feel warm home and try to whine as little as possible.
Mum - I can't tell you yet. It's been only 14 months I've been in this position. I don't mind Ezra throwing things around, messing and eating like a baby pig, only thing that makes me mad is his sleep - rather not wanting to go to bed.

So, after crying came the sunshine with the words of Shlomo HaMelech: "This too shall pass". I knew it will. I know Ezra will grow up quickly, I'll get old even quicker, but I am a human, Mensch!!!! :) Human that needs to have emotions and express them or time will pass and emotions fade to nowhere; while I believe it's all about emotions that makes the world go round and makes mantra become better (if you say so, Soph, big fat mantra expert! :P).

Lie

Yesterday somebody tweeted this photo of a little Iraqi girl who drew her mum and then lied in her like an embryo. So moving and heartbreaking. I didn't think twice to retweet it.

Then suddenly it stroke me that I was influenced by media. By that very media I hate so much - prejudicial,Western, immoral and mindnumbing.
First, look at the drawing (especially the haircover bow, no way a child could've drawn it so accurately), I don't think girl of this age could have drawn that. It rather looks like a cartoon woman from Marjane Satrapi's books.
Second, this heartbreaking and moving shot is SO very Western, particularly American, that makes me sick. In American, I mean pseudo-emotional images that are pushed on us through Hollywood and media again. Things that have no value and still make us believe they do.

You know how tolerant I am and how I love people, but this photo was too much.
Such a lie.

If someone ever cared for this Iraqi girl (if she really is the one to have drawn her mum) they would never let the war break out - they would never destroy millions of people's lives. They wouldn't get billions from selling the weapon to kill people, to violate their rights and to make them homeless, helpless and orphan. They would never abuse prisoners, never break down the great antiquity of Babilon.
Now please, stop fooling us, especially emotional mums like me, because we can use our brains if/when we need to.

Better one

When I put Ezra to sleep millions of thoughts fly into my mind like colourful butterflies and they are beautiful. Usually my thoughts are beautiful or should be so if I try to think about pleasant things more. Sometimes those thoughts are little melancholic and nostalgic, mostly they are sweet and tender like my baby’s dreams.

I love when he falls asleep and I can see how peaceful he is, how innocent and miraculous. Every baby is a miracle, but I came to realise this only after a year I think. I never thought it would be so true when people used to say that you only feel real love towards your child after she’s one, because the circle of some phase is closed and you can see clearly what all that was about.

Those hard times of first months when I just started to nurse Ezra, the almost 4 months of colicky period, when he had terrible winds and I couldn't help him much, then those times when I tried to train him to sleep… I know more is to come, but this first year is unique, makes my heart melt, because I know this was about building the physical and emotional fundament for Ezra to keep growing up and becoming an excellent person.

Time has flown. I mean that’s how people say, but I don’t quite agree with that. Time has gone by just as I’ve expected – on its time. Time is wise. Rather Hashem is.

Now I just walked by the small sofa and recalled Ezra when he was two months old, he would fall asleep on my chest and then I would put him on that sofa very very slowly so he stayed asleep and I could go to cook dinner. Then I would come back on my tiptoes to check him and tried my best to walk so that our laminate floor wouldn’t make noise. Sometimes I succeeded, sometimes – not and he would wake up asking to hold him and comfort him. Then we would nap together on the same sofa – we had often napped there for three hours, which was great and I will always miss it. I am not sure if one gets as much sleep with next babies because first one needs so much attention, doesn’t he?

I’ve also grown a lot during this year. I look back and some days seem like a dream. As if they've never happened, but I only saw a dream and it faded away leaving little purple touch on my soul, if you know what I mean (well, those who know my love to Marquez). There are so many things in life influencing us, hurting us and in the same time motivating us to move on, never stop, never mind stumbling, just go on and on.

I learnt how to be patient, not to lose my temper as easily as I used to; I achieved being nicer to people that annoy me, not to get angry with Ezra when he refuses to sleep or eat, which still is something I keep on working and making myself not to explode, but smile to him and show how calm I am so he eats one more spoonful porridge. Still a challenge.

Life is all about learning anyway. I need to learn new things everyday in order to move on and become better person than I was yesterday -- better wife, better mum, better daughter and just better Sophie. Not always easy, rather hard, but achievable, that's what I'm here for.

Still so much to achieve - Hasta La Victoria Siempre?

In 2011 I had almost everything planned including wedding and pregnancy. I had made notes that I'd do this and that at this or that time, and I actually made it. There were even things coming true that I had in mind, but did not quite long for so for 2012 I made no plans whatsoever. Probably that's why it was most complicated and spontaneous year.

The best moment of 2012 was Ezra's birth. Although, surprisingly, on 37th week with odd water breaking and labour so quick nobody believes when I tell. It is genetic, don't be jealous. My mum had me in two hours after contractions and my youngest aunt had her second child in an hour after contractions started.
There were ups and downs, Ezra was colicky nearly four months and sometimes he wouldn't nap the whole day, or he had to be nursed every 1,5-2 hours which made me feel like a milk factory. Plus I had my moments that I call Postpartum Sophression, I hadn't realised that I was mum and my life had changed for ever. I wanted to be free and wild as before, write whenever I liked, read and enjoy my morning coffee in peace. In short, I hadn't prepared myself for motherhood properly.
In July my husband's grandmother passed away. She was the smartest and wittiest old lady I've met. She was 80, lived in Israel and visited us for wedding, that's when I met her for the first and last time. You've probably never seen an old lady so content and full of life, but illness never asks about that, does it? She never got to see Ezra, only his pictures that she loved to look at.
In Autumn my husband started a new well paid job, but you know nobody pays you well in this capitalistic world for nothing, he had to work very hard and was stressed most of the time. It also happened that my father in law passed away right after Yom Kippur which was something whole family had to cope with. We're still recovering.

I think I only wrote "downs", but there were "ups" too.
My mum came and stayed with us for 1,5 months, I don't know how I could have managed without her. Hashem, give her long and healthy life!!! 
I also started to enjoy being mum after 3-4 months, when Ezra became little human rolling and cuddling, laughing and babbling around. I loved and still love breastfeeding. I consider it most beautiful and strong gift that G-d has given to women. No matter how hard it is, being a woman, experiencing period or labour pains, we still have this awesome strength to bring lives in the world, feed them and comfort them like no-one else, so who remembers the hard parts?
In August we went to Rammenau, which is a little peaceful village near Dresden and Sächsische Schweiz (meaning Sachsonian Switzerland). We rented a little cute country house with beautiful green garden where we could breathe a fresh air so needed after living in a city.
Last but not least, in Autumn we had our great festivals, Ezra's first Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot and Simchat Torah. Jewish festivals are not easy if you're observant, but as they are family focused and teaching what is really important in this world, makes everything special.

I guess that was all about 2012. I am glad it is over and looking forward for future. Future always is or must be better than past.

As for 2013 I need to make some planning so it doesn't slip through my fingers like 2012.

1. I must lose weight - I weighed 65 kilos when got pregnant and don't ask me how much I gained :| after giving birth I lost quite quickly, but now I have gained it back I guess and weigh 76 kilos, which is scary. I got such broad shoulders like a weight pusher and legs like football player. Seriously.
2. Blog more and seriously - this word "seriously" already makes me giggle, but let's hope, ok?
3. Work out - not only to keep in shape, but my doctor recommended because I've been having pain in my back since pregnancy. It's because of the relaxed muscles that prepare for child delivery.
4. Learn to knit socks - for that I need my mum to visit us again. Online lessons are not for me.
5. Be nice to people - especially to the ones I don't like. It is very easy to be nice with beloved ones, evil people can do that too.
6. Try to learn more kodesh - TaNaCh.
7. Read more books in Hebrew - to Ezra.
8. Complete my German course.
9. Learn how to take nice photos - this is a challenge for me. Even though I got a new camera for my birthday, haven't found time or patience to read the manual anyway :D
10. Give as much LOVE LOVE LOVE as possible - to my husband, Ezra, my mum, my in-laws and friends (real or online ones).

Babies and mamas again

Seriously, sometimes I get sick of those mamas talking only about their babies and what drives me mad is when I read their letters. G-d!
How come everybody's baby is an angel?
How come others' babies sleep like lambs through the night?
How come they go to sleep by themselves, no rocking, no singing, just a kiss goodnight and there they go?

 

Lovely Emma Bunton (baby spice) with her baby boy

I just don't believe them.
My baby doesn't sleep through the night and I believe that's natural.
He's not an angel, thank G-d. He has a personality and in Judaism that matters a lot. Angels are considered as G-d's slaves who have no freedom of choice unlike humans. So, my baby is a real human - he cries, fusses, wakes up early in the morning and scratches my nose with his tiny nails and makes me happier than anyone can be.
He doesn't go to sleep by himself. He needs to be soothed and rocked, and cuddled and kissed and held tight to mummy's chest because that is the most safe place in the world.

We are not perfect, thanks to Hashem, neither me nor Ezra. I can't tell you whether we strive for it or not. I just want to be the mum that will always be there for her son and make him feel secure. I hope I shall be the extraordinary mum giving my child freedom and independence while setting some limits so he learns right from wrong.Well, I am my mum's daughter, can't fight it (I will always be amazed by how great she's been, may she live long and healthy life!!!).
And Ezra wants to be happy for this moment. He just wants to play with us, have fun, be cared, loved and nurtured as every other human being. Sounds like the Smiths' song, doesn't it?

I guess I lost the point.
If you really want to know, I take it easy. I shouldn't and don't judge those mums. They just seem superficial to me. How can they be so calm and happy with everything? Do not their babies cry at all? Have they never thrown up on them? Haven't they been hurt in the beginning of nursing? COME ON!
There are few blogs where I've read honest mums and keep reading them. They are great not trying to be the ones they are not. 
And then comes the light when I tell myself, Sophie, why don't you relax and enjoy your life, I mean, get mad if you want to and be the kind of mum you like, forget others. But I am a human too, you know, and I tend to believe I might be better than others which is not nice at all, I know. Because no-one is better than other; we are all same. The difference is only in culture and geographic psychology as such. Just forget the religion and my soviet background in the upbringing. I am still the sunniest sun in the world that believes in green juicy apples and LOVE.

Good night, loves!
:)

Yiddishe mama

I'm cooking Zimes/Tzimes, SO yiddishe, you know it. My husband is very very yiddishe man indeed. He was brought up in a family where his grandmum, father and uncle used to talk in little yiddish. And now that memory is so deep in his conscience that anything Yiddish means sweet and dear for him.
That's how I came to cook to him Zimmes for Shabbat. He mentioned couple of times there was this "Meren zimmes" (meaning german Möhre (carrot)) that his grandmother used to cook and he would love to taste it again. I found a recipe which goes this simple:

1 kg carrot
1/2 c sugar and 2tbs honey
50 gr raisins
100 gr butter or light margarine

Chop (I actually had carrots grated) carrots and simply stir all the ingredients in the pot at once. Cook it for 40-50 minutes on a low temperature. Oh, and before adding raisins, they need to be soaked in a hot boiled water for 15 minutes, then mix with other products in the pot.

Some people add nuts or other dry fruits to this dish, like apricot. Some even make zimmes out of sweet potatoes. Choice is yours as long as you enjoy making it and having your family happily fed on Shabbat. This is the main goal of every yiddishe mama which I think I might be becoming. But I promise I'll try not to spoil Ezra as every Jewish mum does - cooking and baking so perfectly that daughter-in-law has to work hard (really hard, I can attest to that) to impress her husband. I am a cool mum and should be even cooler mum-in-law, BS''D!

Shabbat Shalom, should say A GIT SHABBES!!!

(Just a week and little more before Rosh Hashanah! Man, so much to learn, work on and last, but NOT least, to cook loads for yom tov.)

Venice via Milan

I'm leaving for Venice via Milan tonight. I am excited and little nervous because it's a night flight and then we have to take train to Venice.

Did you know that Venice has been my dream destination since I was kid??? Now I understand that those wise men are right saying: "When you REALLY REALLY want something, G-d will absolutely give it to you." Thank G-d!

I got quite useful information from this site, so if you plan to go to Italy, it'd be helpful for you too.

Oh, and when we got tickets, one of the managers of midrasha told us to prepare for great shopping in Milan. As a shopping-resistant person, I said that I am not going to waste money on some stupid clothing and etc. But suddenly my mum calls and asks me, baby, what are you going to buy me? :lol: Well, ok... if I buy anything just for my mum and maybe some little thing for me for I'm quite tight with money right now.

Wish me good luck and safe trip!!!
Hope to have a great week end B''H!!!

P.S. Anyway, feel free to sponsor a Luis Vuitton bag for me ;))

THANK YOU

Thank YOU, G-d, for giving me this chance to be a girl as I am :)
Thank you mum for everything that you have been doing for me.
Thank you my friends, each of you, for what you are and who you are.
Thank you my blog readers, I know you are there (here) and make my day, and I know you know who you are :)
Thank you World for being my shelter, anywhere I go I know this world is mine.

AND

Thank you, crazy sunny Sophie Golden - you make trouble, you get into trouble, you try to grow up and be better person. You're quite good girl. Thank you for these 25 years we have been together and will be even more.

THANK YOU!

A Writer

I've been trying to write a book since I was kid.
When I finished high school, I told my mum I did not want to go to university, but sit home and write a book. She looked at me puzzled then. What kind of book could a 17 years old girl write?
I did take a break after school, but did not write a book.
Yes, I have written some poems, novels, even published them somewhere, but it did not make me a writer.

Three years later I went to university, faculty of social and political sciences. This year majored in Journalism and minored in Psychology. During these 4 years I've been writing lots of things, made a blog and all, but still haven't got a book.

Now I am a big girl, 25 under my belt.
Isn't a time to write that precious book I've always wanted?

But when I look at my blog (especially georgian one), I see that half of my book is written there and all I have to do is to copy and correct a little. So I hope that I'll start writing my very book soon. Can't wait.

And then I could freely say - I am a writer (no-one will be able to give me a puzzled look saying: what kind of job is that?)

Just Listening

I know that people are different and I should not demand from everyone to be as I want them to be - like me :|
But why can't they be nicer? I prefer people who can be polite and smile even they don't feel that way. Why can't they just listen? People can't listen, it's unbelievable.

Today we had an amazing shiur with Olga Afanasev, she's just great. I wish more girls could attend her classes - because she just teaches us to listen others, to be compassionate, to be better person so to say. I'm not sure whether it helps or not, but I can see that the girls who come to this class have become friendlier and confident. So have I.
I've always been a listener, but sometimes it gets hard for me - only listening while others hate listening, or if they do listen, you can feel they do kind of favor to you. That's why I prefer to listen and then write, you know, at least I can be heard this way =))

Well, don't take this post too seriously, I'm just very tired, missed my mum, my home, my room, my bed, my kitchen, my sister Lilu - she's the one who can listen to me (and Dina for sure).

Ella, this sweet new girl in midrasha, said today: 'Hashem elokeinu, Hashem echad - that means He is not only One, but He's Unique - when you are sure of that, nothing can ever bring you down.' She's just wonderful person. Thanks for people like her I keep on sunny-ing!

He is Unique, and He is with me, I shall not fear!