Photo a day or two, maybe three - 1

To motivate myself and blog here often, I decided to make this tiny project called "photo a day (or two, maybe three)". No matter how lousy my shot might be, I should post and tell a story.

So this is a first attempt.

My Sunday Fuchsia nails and my antique laptop as a background. Even if they don't seem fuchsia enough, they are. At least that's what was written on the bottle.

As for my laptop - don't laugh, ok! I've had it since 2006. My mum gave it to me as a present after my first story was published. 

This is my first and only laptop so far. I had dreams about buying the Apple one, but do you think the girl with the soviet and socialistic past could've or would've bought it? For sure, NOT! I don't like to pay much for those conglomerates that rule our lives anyway. Ok, I know there are many people working for those companies that need to feed their families too, but I still don't like them.

Well, maybe I could've surrendered in the end if I had enough income myself to afford it, but since my husband is the only one working hard, meaning he would've paid for it, I ignore all the Apple temptation and stick to my old Fujitsu Siemens - so I'll be faithful till its death do us part.

Last but not least: hey, we live in East Germany after all - most minimal and hippie area, it would be betrayal to the tribe to have luxurious things, wouldn't it? :D

Little Boy's Tzitzis

My little friend who goes to school in Germany told me that his tzitzis accidentally pulled out and children started to laugh at him. They mocked, if it was his tail.

I have never felt sadder in my life when I heard this.

Nothing happens accidentally. Nobody laughs accidentally. I am not the one who believes in signs, but I do believe in causality if that's a proper word. I believe there are causes and effects, there are situations, places, spaces and faces we have to overcome in our lives.

It's "something" saying that we don't belong here. I know I've been claiming for all my life that anyone can live anywhere and nobody has right to set borders. Everyone should live and go wherever one feels going. Everyone should be happy.
Obviously not.

We can never be happy living in a strange land, speaking foreign language and be weirdos - wearing tzitzis or long sleeves in summer not conforming like others do. We will always be the ones crossing the river and shaming others.

When I told my husband that story, he said, one is never happy away from home and we've been away forever.
Will we ever be back? :/

This song melts my soul.

How Beautiful We Are

There is something about Romy, isn't there?

She might had not been the most beautiful woman or a sex symbol but she was this very cattish one: sweet, cute, with playful eyes and lovely neck. Neck is something that has to be beautiful and soft in woman. Neck is the best part of a body after ears of course.
Well, you know I always like actresses who kind of remind myself. So is Romy. I was very young when a friend of my mother said to me there was something of that Romy Schneider in me. I'll never forget that. Those words changed many things for me. Little girls always need some encouragement to have confidence in the way they look and since then I've always had enough confidence and satisfaction about mine.

I believe it is important that every mother tells her daughter how beautiful and intellectually capable she is. Life is going to be tough enough and lack of self confidence may become a hard issue for a person. Not only the girls, I know my teenage nephew who also needs to be told how smart and handsome he is; my aunt has been grateful for I can easily communicate with her teenage grandchildren just being there and listening without judging. No matter whether you are somebody's mother or not - just say positive things to people, encourage them, tell them how beautiful and great they are because nothing makes the world stronger and nicer than the kind words coming out from one's mouth.
What goes around comes around, remember? Multiply kindness and have fun! Life is what we make of it.

Boy! Sometimes I feel so full of love and energy I think I may explode and destroy the world. I would be the first world destroyer by loving, so good, I should be thinking about it more... Водопад - just like my sweet teenage friend is, no?

Anyways, we are all beautiful and nice as long as we want to be so, don't we?

Have a great Shabbes!!! Enjoy week end!

Live, laugh and be good, everybody!!!

Thanks to Romy Schneider (my mother and her friend as well) for inspiring and giving me confidence to be what I am.

Take a breath

Voice is not back yet, but attitude is better. I woke up this morning hoping that would be able to speak but still could not. I felt like I could talk really, throat was not sore anymore, but my voice still harsh.

Trying to write a letter (a real letter) to a friend who cheered me up yesterday, read stories to me and I felt like I was little sick child who is so lonely and away home; only thing that makes her happy is a "radio" with dear voice. I wanted to say how happy I was and how safe I felt listening to it. It is unbelievable when you don't need to speak but listen and let it be.
So I decided to write a letter and have even started when one girl came into my room and wanted to talk, asked loads of questions of course. Why do people always try to get something out of you even if you can't talk? They just love to know all about others' lives, don't they?
And why am I so indifferent about others' lives? Does it make me too self-centered? Maybe it does. I don't want to know what others do, how they live - it is all up to them. I love people the way they are and I don't want to dig in their minds. I want to live my own life without manuals if you know what I mean. I actually do. Who could have thought that I would have lost my voice and someone would read stories to me? What kind of manual could have predicted that anyway?..

I suddenly miss Lila - my cousin and best friend. I miss how we used to sit in my kitchen - she would drink coffee and I - tea. We would talk about kinky things, about boys, love, music, movies. We would laugh and be happy. I would love to sit with her in any kitchen now and talk till midnight.
It's like my friend often says that nothing is like just talking about simple things.

Drop the philosophy, live life and laugh.

I love you, Lila.
And thinking of you, dear friend of mine.

Lemon tea and Torah portion

One more Sunday. What a miracle :)

Just finished my second cup of lemon tea and Torah portion. I did not know that some commentators translate צפרדע as a crocodile. I still prefer classic Rashi, plus frogs are my favourite animals or whatever you call them. What I mostly like is that all the Jewish prophets were human which gives us strength to strive to become like them. I remember rabbi Halpern telling us that Torah is a life book with ordinary people who have suffered, loved, experienced all kind of human feelings which shows us they were no divine creatures. We are same, aren't we? Sometimes I feel so connected to those people I see beautiful and wise Sarah smiling at her baby son or my favourite Jacob blessing his grandchildren like his own.

Berlin is as snowy as it can be. Freezing and my street is empty after holiday.
By the way I was thinking yesterday how lucky Jesus is to have so many people to celebrate his birthday. I would like to talk to him actually, he must have been charismatic personality indeed. Or his lobbyist Saul-Paul was at least. Anyway, it is good if people really believe in values like loving and helping each other, appreciating one G-d and His creation. I like life and the world because of its colourfulness of religions, traditions, cultures. I cannot imagine world without them all.

To resume with my favourite rabbi Halpern's words again, one should never be embarrassed to show its kindness, love and gratefulness to people, and to Hashem for sure. And SMILE! Not just smile, but smile with all your heart and mind. Rather laugh, laugh out your guts because life is what you make it.

November Rain & French Breakfast

It has just started to rain. Yes, my first November rain of the year. Axl Rose would've loved it. Maybe he still does. But now I'm listening to Martina McBride.

This rain makes me want to run away to Paris. I have this crazy idea of French Breakfast with someone who I could talk to and laugh out my guts. It is not even about having breakfast with the character of my novels you know. Or maybe it is :/