Take a breath

Voice is not back yet, but attitude is better. I woke up this morning hoping that would be able to speak but still could not. I felt like I could talk really, throat was not sore anymore, but my voice still harsh.

Trying to write a letter (a real letter) to a friend who cheered me up yesterday, read stories to me and I felt like I was little sick child who is so lonely and away home; only thing that makes her happy is a "radio" with dear voice. I wanted to say how happy I was and how safe I felt listening to it. It is unbelievable when you don't need to speak but listen and let it be.
So I decided to write a letter and have even started when one girl came into my room and wanted to talk, asked loads of questions of course. Why do people always try to get something out of you even if you can't talk? They just love to know all about others' lives, don't they?
And why am I so indifferent about others' lives? Does it make me too self-centered? Maybe it does. I don't want to know what others do, how they live - it is all up to them. I love people the way they are and I don't want to dig in their minds. I want to live my own life without manuals if you know what I mean. I actually do. Who could have thought that I would have lost my voice and someone would read stories to me? What kind of manual could have predicted that anyway?..

I suddenly miss Lila - my cousin and best friend. I miss how we used to sit in my kitchen - she would drink coffee and I - tea. We would talk about kinky things, about boys, love, music, movies. We would laugh and be happy. I would love to sit with her in any kitchen now and talk till midnight.
It's like my friend often says that nothing is like just talking about simple things.

Drop the philosophy, live life and laugh.

I love you, Lila.
And thinking of you, dear friend of mine.