Take a breath

Voice is not back yet, but attitude is better. I woke up this morning hoping that would be able to speak but still could not. I felt like I could talk really, throat was not sore anymore, but my voice still harsh.

Trying to write a letter (a real letter) to a friend who cheered me up yesterday, read stories to me and I felt like I was little sick child who is so lonely and away home; only thing that makes her happy is a "radio" with dear voice. I wanted to say how happy I was and how safe I felt listening to it. It is unbelievable when you don't need to speak but listen and let it be.
So I decided to write a letter and have even started when one girl came into my room and wanted to talk, asked loads of questions of course. Why do people always try to get something out of you even if you can't talk? They just love to know all about others' lives, don't they?
And why am I so indifferent about others' lives? Does it make me too self-centered? Maybe it does. I don't want to know what others do, how they live - it is all up to them. I love people the way they are and I don't want to dig in their minds. I want to live my own life without manuals if you know what I mean. I actually do. Who could have thought that I would have lost my voice and someone would read stories to me? What kind of manual could have predicted that anyway?..

I suddenly miss Lila - my cousin and best friend. I miss how we used to sit in my kitchen - she would drink coffee and I - tea. We would talk about kinky things, about boys, love, music, movies. We would laugh and be happy. I would love to sit with her in any kitchen now and talk till midnight.
It's like my friend often says that nothing is like just talking about simple things.

Drop the philosophy, live life and laugh.

I love you, Lila.
And thinking of you, dear friend of mine.

Flying over

My last post was true ill person's diary. It's unbelievable how can one become so tired and stressful when one's ill and has sore throat and nose. But there always is some positive aspect of being sick you know - one has more time to think about its life goals, improving personality and SLEEP. I slept so much on Shavuot that I think I'll never miss sleep again.

Midrasha is fine as usual. Lessons are fantastic, teachers - inspiring; can't say same about the weather. But I'm getting used to it I guess.

I think my English got worse. I mean I have no inspiration to write often on this blog even though there are so many things going on. I used to be very honest on this blog, even more than on my Georgian one, but now I feel like I have grown up so much I can't be same sunny funny girl. I mean, not that I quit being what I have always been, it's just that my life's little complicated right now and I hope it will be settled soon. I feel like flying over the cliff and not knowing whether I keep flying or someone snaps me and tells me to wake up from my dream... :))) I guess I'm being kind of surrealistic, but that's how I feel tonight.

Sore-ority :)

It's my 100th post on this blog and I have terrible cold. My nose, throat and eyes are sore, plus Shavuot is coming and I feel like a zombie :( I wanted to be happy and energetic on this day, and I'm so miserable - have no mood neither to eat nor to laugh. I very much hope that I'll get some sleep before Yom Tov and will be better for the following night.

I wanted to tell you about this new girl in midrasha. She's staying with us for Yom Tov, she studies in the USA, at Yale and you can imagine how I like her. Ella's her name and she's supersmart. It's such pleasure talking to her, she's got very low and calm voice, speaks in friendly and nice tune. I love Yale. I mean, that's where I always wanted to study and live all that life students do there. Ella told me that it's very different from other universities in Europe and all - in addition with studies, they also do many social activities, have some societies and etc. Sounds like some smart kids' movie, doesn't it? I am so glad that I have an opportunity to meet so many smart and nice people from around the world. I hope they feel the same way about me. If they don't it will be a heartbreak for me. Especially now when I feel so fragile because of cold that I have to blow my nose every other minute.

Chag Shavuot Sameach!