Me Against The World?

I haven't been much out lately to interact with people, do talks and smart discussions like I used to in my "youth". Let me say last three years.
Plus I always blame pregnancy and postpartum brain that doesn't really go away soon, at least mine, to bring the old Sophie back, who could read tons of books and then discuss about them. This is probably why I feel like I have been out of this world for good and have become sort of introvert too.

Nowadays I am this laid back, old fat mama of two little boys, who is not as laid back as she might seem to be ;-)
I am a worrier. Sometimes I just can't sleep because I worry about anything and anyone I have ever known. Really. I may have met someone just for once, but I worry how is that person doing now, is he/she happy, is he/she satisfied with life, is he/she healthy and etc. I have always been that way. I remember I was about 5 years old when one of my friend's mum got seriously sick and my friend could not come out to play (yes, I grew up in THE time when children used to go out in the yard/streets and play together). At night when my mum wished me good night, I burst into tears, because my friend's mum was sick in hospital and nobody could kiss her goodnight that night. I remember asking G-d to never make any child's mum sick so children could go out and play with friends freely, then go to sleep happy because their mums kissed them and wished them good night.

Yes, that's what kind of a girl I have always been. It doesn't matter that I'll be 30 this year, that character of mine has never changed.

Ireland - my spiritual homeland

So honestly, I logged on to write about something else and look where my typing hands got me.
I meant to write about a guest we had, who studies anthropology and humanity history, I hope I say it right. That guest was saying that today's culture, world culture and probably mostly the 1st world one,  is so depressive and even aggressive, because it almost demands from everyone to be "unique", "creative", "original", "cool" and etc. If you are just a regular nice guy, you have already lost my friend. You have to be something more, something that nobody has been before. Yeah, right. Now who believes in that?
Almost whole western world, I answer.

So when once some other guest came over and told me I should be a real minimalist, I knew it was meant to say, my home is simple and I have no sense of "creativity". Well, that is true actually. And I have my reasons (as usual).
First off, I don't like spending money on things that I don't know how to use and why to use. I don't and can't do beautiful things out of nothing like many people do and good for them. Plus, I really like having more space to BREATHE and to dance with my boys. Plus we always have space for guests and are never afraid something might break, because we don't own "cool" stuff.

Second, I am really the most non-creative person of non-creatives. I see beauty and appreciate things when other people do, but I have no desire to do that myself. For example I am so fond of Talia's (and her husband's too) photos, videos and beautiful things she makes, quilts, paints; that artistic talent absolutely becomes and defines her. Because she has it naturally.
I know people can learn all that if they want to, but I think I don't really, because I'd rather read Salinger for 100000000th time and then write letters to Ezra and Aaron telling them how hard it is to be a woman and how they should respect and appreciate me and then their wives, when they have ones on their time :-) or how they should be asking (right) questions all the time and never let system get them down.

Now to resume, I am against superficial creativity as well as against superficial hipsters and coffee drinkers, who don't even like coffee, but still drink just because they heard that would make them "hipper", and don't let me start on their nerdy spectacles, please :-D
I am also against this world and popular culture that is destroying our souls and raising terrible egos.
So I should go to sleep now. See you later, World! Beware.

P.S. Ok. After all this stuff, I went (not literally) and installed Instagram on my old Samsung Galaxy S 3 Mini, which takes horrible pictures, but it's not the point. Aaron is teething (he's already got one and another coming) terribly, only sleeps on me, which is very nice, warm and all, but mama needs to entertain herself when she has time (depends on Ezra naturally), doesn't she? So what can be more entertaining than looking at the beautiful instafiltered lives of others :lol: nothing. So you can follow me if you want to and share your life :-D it's "sunnysof".
Am I really against this world? Go figure*.

*I've never used this phrase in my life before and let me play with my English phraseology, will you please, Mister Paul Auster? :-D Now hold that thought, because I should write about Paul Auster some time soon.

Crymama

It took me more than an hour to put Ezra to sleep. During this one hour he pooed twice, drank water, jumped up and down, cried, and then fell asleep on my lap.

Looking at his wet eyelashes, I also started to cry and once I start crying, there's nothing to stop me. I cried my heart out for good - remembered not only my idea of calm and cool parenthood (in which I fail lately), but also my own childhood. Suddenly missed my mum like mad and wanted her with me so I would fall asleep on her lap too.

Then I cried because Ezra is my copy of a character. You just can't make him do whatever he doesn't want to. You can't talk to him strictly if you want him to do what you should.
Main reason of my heartful crying was that I don't want him to have character traits like me. I've been a trouble all my life - although I was excellent student, my behaviour was rebellious at school; most professors at university didn't like me either (nor my writing). Work - I've never worked at one place more than 1 year in my life :| I didn't like bosses. I can't stand social injustice and snobs. At home - I was whining all the time and everyone should've listened to it. My mum and sister Lilu are heroes.
I said I didn't want Ezra to be like me and I meant it. At least I am woman and it's not a tragedy, but for a man having my character means he'll be another Che Guevara revolting against the dominant world for all his life - not proper, especially for a Jewish boy who needs to be disciplined Torah and Talmud scholar. Only Hashem can help ME to be a good mum to raise my children in His way!
אָמֵן!!!

Good thing is, I became better person after getting married, I work on myself quite hard to be patient and not lose temper easily. I need to work harder though, because I might be very happy and positive person, always laughing and joking, but inside I am a rebel. As a wife - I think I am not that bad, I hear what my husband says, make him feel warm home and try to whine as little as possible.
Mum - I can't tell you yet. It's been only 14 months I've been in this position. I don't mind Ezra throwing things around, messing and eating like a baby pig, only thing that makes me mad is his sleep - rather not wanting to go to bed.

So, after crying came the sunshine with the words of Shlomo HaMelech: "This too shall pass". I knew it will. I know Ezra will grow up quickly, I'll get old even quicker, but I am a human, Mensch!!!! :) Human that needs to have emotions and express them or time will pass and emotions fade to nowhere; while I believe it's all about emotions that makes the world go round and makes mantra become better (if you say so, Soph, big fat mantra expert! :P).

Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind

No doubt this movie is special because Drew Barrymore stars in it and who cares if George Clooney has directed it and it is based on memoirs of the CIA hitman. Sam Rockwell is also someone who can rock one's boat, but not mine. I have never been into guys like him - blondish showmen, you know.


Drew's character Penny is really something I'd like to talk about. It's unbelievable there is so much common between us. She is funny, loves to laugh and says witty phrases all the time; plus has this loyal character which made her to be very committed to Chuck (Rockwell's character); she believes in him and supports him. Penny is also searching and loves adventures, she changes her attitude from 50's woman to the 60's hippie flower child, then again 70's elegant lady. But by the end of the day she's just a woman who needs to be treated gently and be loved madly.

All right, I vote this movie 6/10 because there are lots of violence scenes which have never impressed me. The actors performance is quite distinguished and interesting. You can't take away the talent of George Clooney who definitely knows how to make movies. I also liked the atmosphere of the time period, plus Drew and Sam have also this weird chemistry between them after "Charlie's Angels" which makes you like them more and more.
One more reason to wonder what is this chemistry all about? You know what I mean? Sometimes you just click on someone and feel that you've got it right.
I actually know the reason of the chemistry thing; it definitely comes from one's childhood, education and other social issues. Although no social issues can have impact on a person without specific circumstances which happen purposely even if you don't think about it.
I know because I am living this "specific circumstance" right now.
I have got pretty 'dangerous' mind, haven't I? :)

Have a nice time watching the "Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind" and falling in love with Drew's sweet strawberry smile (Sam Rockwell's kinda hot too).

"BUG" Named SOPHIE

I think I bug people with my theories about kindness, true beauty, sunny smile and etc. What can I do, man? I really believe in all that, I wake up and go to bed thinking about kindness, smile and all;
Today I gave a 'Dvar Torah' (speech) before Minchah for the girls. I talked about Hillel and Shammai in Pirkei Avot, about their arguments about priorities, simply say, what one should do first - study and love people or love people and then study?

So I gave my personal example of Ba'ale T'Shuva, who has come to Judaism just a year ago. I've become much better person after this year, but my basic beliefs and character haven't really changed. I am what I always was. I just got more knowledge, 've become patient and nicer, but not something miraculous, if you know what I mean. So, I said that it's not about how much you learn, but how dedicated you are to the people around, because if G-d wanted us only for praying to Him, He would have placed us on separated islands and we all would lived far from each other. Instead Hashem created nations, communities, families to live with other people and make relationships.
In other words, He created the world for us and us for the world!

Chodesh tov everyone!!!