The Caprocorn Mood

It's so easy to be a philosopher, while sitting warm and cozy in your room not having to face mundane problems or annoying people, who bug you all the time.
It's so easy to watch others from afar and remain calm and nice person, isn't it?

BUT it's very hard to be in the midst of people, handling emotions, giving, getting and still remain sane and content.

I think that's where I am now. I get so emotionally drenched that sometimes I act like a neurotic woman of Woody Allen. It's nobody's fault, that's how the system works, doesn't it?

Well, once again, I am this dreamy Capricorn who was born to be a philosopher but is forced to work.

Not November

It is not November I know that. Not to mention the sweet one.
I need no Mercedes either.
I have many scarves though.

My life in Berlin is coming to an end, I've been here for 16 months. I was good and bad. I felt lonely and had lots of fun with the Midrasha girls. Traveled enough, saw places, faces, spaces... many things have changed since I've come here.
I have too changed.

I don't write letters to Che Guevara anymore, don't get angry about social injustice and try to be patient with anything that comes my way. Well, it does not work sometimes.

Do you know what hasn't changed in me? I still close my eyes and imagine bluest sea and the sun hugging my shoulders, getting me sunny and free. I know all the theories about reality, life, people and the harsh destiny we have to handle since Adam and Eve decided to have the fruit they were not supposed to have.
Never mind Che Guevara, I wish I could write to Eve.
Or I may be talking to her everyday for I believe there has to be some part of her in me as in every other woman.

Haven't written anything lately... I guess I have been saying that forever. Gosh. Am I becoming one of those failed authors who keep complaining they cannot write? One of my friends from Georgia recorded my old poetry and sent to me. I cried. I used to write nice stuff and it is ironic all that I have written has come true. I do not remember my old feelings at all, I don't remember people who I thought I would never forget...
Everything has become just a tiny reminiscent of a somnambulic book called: Sophie's life before...

I am nothing but a dirt.
I am not the first to say that unfortunately.
We will all fade away.
Torah will remain - only thing that will always be as long as there is Someone watching over His creation.
Nothing else matters now and all I want is to go to sleep and let this week finish. SOON.

A Month

I am so nervous right now.
I am so anxious.
I am so terrified.

19th of May means it is a month to go...

And I miss my fiance so much, it gets harder and harder to live apart.
The weather is stupid as usual - it started to rain then the sun showed up, I wanted to go to sleep meanwhile but now I think I'd better go and get things done.

Georgian consulate is not answering my calls which drives me mad and I probably will go there on Monday without an appointment at all. These government offices are so disturbing, aren't they? Have you ever seen any official representative of the country that would welcome and help you? I have not. Never indeed. And it is not just Georgia, no, my Israeli friends also complain about that, so do others.
It does not comfort me though.
I wanted some paper to be done soon.

I feel so tired, sleepless; my head aches, back aches, eyes ache, stomach aches and I think everything is getting on my nerves, even those things not connected to my body.

Oh, in addition with that I got James Joyce's "Ulysses" and I intend to read it soon. How soon, that is the question :D

Drew Barrymore has got new boyfriend, have I told you that? He's ok. I still prefer Justin Long to him but as long as Drew's happy I am happy. I actually wish I could invite her on my wedding. Wouldn't it be swell?
Anyway.

Drew and Will Kopelman

I am going to be a married woman in a month who will have to take care of her husband, household; one to make home most warm and peaceful place. It is so exciting and little frightening as well because it is something new and unknown, but as my fiance would've said, everyone goes through this and so will we.

Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind

No doubt this movie is special because Drew Barrymore stars in it and who cares if George Clooney has directed it and it is based on memoirs of the CIA hitman. Sam Rockwell is also someone who can rock one's boat, but not mine. I have never been into guys like him - blondish showmen, you know.


Drew's character Penny is really something I'd like to talk about. It's unbelievable there is so much common between us. She is funny, loves to laugh and says witty phrases all the time; plus has this loyal character which made her to be very committed to Chuck (Rockwell's character); she believes in him and supports him. Penny is also searching and loves adventures, she changes her attitude from 50's woman to the 60's hippie flower child, then again 70's elegant lady. But by the end of the day she's just a woman who needs to be treated gently and be loved madly.

All right, I vote this movie 6/10 because there are lots of violence scenes which have never impressed me. The actors performance is quite distinguished and interesting. You can't take away the talent of George Clooney who definitely knows how to make movies. I also liked the atmosphere of the time period, plus Drew and Sam have also this weird chemistry between them after "Charlie's Angels" which makes you like them more and more.
One more reason to wonder what is this chemistry all about? You know what I mean? Sometimes you just click on someone and feel that you've got it right.
I actually know the reason of the chemistry thing; it definitely comes from one's childhood, education and other social issues. Although no social issues can have impact on a person without specific circumstances which happen purposely even if you don't think about it.
I know because I am living this "specific circumstance" right now.
I have got pretty 'dangerous' mind, haven't I? :)

Have a nice time watching the "Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind" and falling in love with Drew's sweet strawberry smile (Sam Rockwell's kinda hot too).

Quote of Tuesday

Woman is a kaleidoscope of emotions.

Talya Rose

This isn't Paris. This is hell.

Jack:

"This isn't Paris. This is hell."

I knew Julie Delpy was extremely talented, but I would never imagine that "2 days in Paris" could be such an amazing movie. Imagine Julie has directed, written, produced and played main character in the movie. Oh, and she has also done some music for it. This movie is not only about relationship between french woman and american man, it is more than that. It's about life, about European problems of racism and especially french ones.

Looking for Jim Morrisson's tomb

Before I saw this movie I read that Julie Delpy has got American citizenship and has been living there for a long time. Although she has kept her French passport, she feels home in the Usa. One might not notice it, but you can tell that she despises lots of things in Paris and understands that it is not the way people should live. Julie's character is very emotional, very just and gets angry about people who do wrong. She's this sweet and little crazy girl Celine (from "Before Sunrise") who got older, but can't help to be a strong woman with attitude. Not only Celine, she's also Sophie if you'd like to know...

It's so funny when she calls him: BUBI

Not only being strong woman is a problem, but also being smart and outspoken. When I watched this movie I was amazed, man, it is so hard to find a guy you could talk to and that's why I haven't liked anyone lately. I mean, all those tricks and girl things are really disgusting and depressing, do you know what I'm saying? All those things one should do or should not on a date, to plan the conversation before, ask this, ask that, respond or not to... I guess this movie said everything I've ever wanted to say out loud - there are much more important things going on in the world and people just sit and waste their lives planning tricks and deceiving one another.

Bravo, Julie!
10/10

For good

You know what gets on my nerves? When somebody says that everything has its reason and all happens for good purpose. Well, I am one of those annoying people who say that actually. I keep saying things like that because I need to calm myself down and make life easier. In reality, how do I know that it is for good or nothing happens without particular reason? I do not. I just have to believe in it, haven't I?

This post is going to be less positive or optimistic. What really makes me happy is smile upon a person who's greeting me like my neighbour, old Kurdish woman, who always forgets my name, but remembers to smile at me and wish me good luck. That is definitely for good. And after that I always have wonderful day.

No matter how strong we are, we need human support, human love and understanding to go on living and breathing, if you know what I mean. We need each other to talk and to listen. But hey, who listens to each other these days? No-one, that's why everyone goes to the damn psychologists and waste fortunes to be heard.

I wanna be heard. Probably that is the reason I blog. I hate talking when I can write instead. And I love smiling and having fun because in the end - everyone is same, dead and sore.
I am not and never will be afraid of get embarrassed, I am going to be what I am and I am not bad person, am I? Sure, you've seen better ones, but I was born for some purpose, wasn't I? ;) So, world has to accept me as I am because I'm for good here.

Rocking Sunday

Remember my post of the last Sunday? It was so dull and boring. Thank G-d, this Sunday came out different. I had a morning chavruta with Leah and then we all had a lesson of the jewish history with Elisheva. It was so interesting, we discussed about 'Kamtza and Bar Kamtza' issue. You know my opinion over this stuff - I don't believe in this 'BE FRUM' thing. It does not matter whether you're religious or not - as long as you forget to treat people nice.

Yesterday rabbi Rose mentioned that when you speak about Torah with women, you need to focus on different things while speaking with men you should take different approach. I did not really understand that, but today when we started discussion on Elisheva's lesson, I really saw the difference between men and us :lol: (well, it's taken quite long, Soph!) What kind of difference? Women obey rules easier, it is written? Ok, than we do according them. And I like men ;) I like learning, discovering new things and discussing, it is so refreshing and interesting rather than reading and writing it down to pass an exam. So, I had a nice day, Baruch Hashem. In the evening I went out with the girls to the Bundestag, we went inside, saw the night city view, walked here and there, and got home.

Tomorrow's new day, Scarlett ;)

My new haircut

[By the way, my new haircut is weird - absolutely not my style. Well, I'm still thankful, it's a challenge, I should've seen myself as a woman-to-be, shouldn't I? :D]

HAPPY MONDAY

New day has come - MONDAY!
It's so sunny in Berlin. I'm on a lesson, our teacher is sweet young woman.
Today I have loads of things to do, so I'll have a chance to go out and feel the sun on my face :)

P.S. Yesterday we went ice-skating, it was terrible :lol: I mean, I suck at skating and my feet hurt so much. Still it was fun, I like going out with the girls and experience new things.

HAVE A HAPPY MONDAY!!!