Looking into the dark

Looking out the window today I realized that I am afraid
Afraid of something I am not.
Not what others want me to
To be supersmart.
Supersmart who is so tired of people looking.
Looking into the dark and seeing the same face
Face that is getting old day by day.
Days change into the nights
Nights were never my favourite.

I thought I could not write anymore.
Thank G-d I can.

(Ane Brun on the photo)

For good

You know what gets on my nerves? When somebody says that everything has its reason and all happens for good purpose. Well, I am one of those annoying people who say that actually. I keep saying things like that because I need to calm myself down and make life easier. In reality, how do I know that it is for good or nothing happens without particular reason? I do not. I just have to believe in it, haven't I?

This post is going to be less positive or optimistic. What really makes me happy is smile upon a person who's greeting me like my neighbour, old Kurdish woman, who always forgets my name, but remembers to smile at me and wish me good luck. That is definitely for good. And after that I always have wonderful day.

No matter how strong we are, we need human support, human love and understanding to go on living and breathing, if you know what I mean. We need each other to talk and to listen. But hey, who listens to each other these days? No-one, that's why everyone goes to the damn psychologists and waste fortunes to be heard.

I wanna be heard. Probably that is the reason I blog. I hate talking when I can write instead. And I love smiling and having fun because in the end - everyone is same, dead and sore.
I am not and never will be afraid of get embarrassed, I am going to be what I am and I am not bad person, am I? Sure, you've seen better ones, but I was born for some purpose, wasn't I? ;) So, world has to accept me as I am because I'm for good here.

All about winter nights, Holden C & Drew B

I just can't go to bed withouth posting anything here.
It's been a long day.
Actually day's not long, but night damn is.
I woke up at 08:30 am & felt like have slept for ages. That's why I like winter, night is always long and you can dream on without feeling guilty that you overslept or as it is.

Been searching for some interesting blogs. Found something, but I'm too sleepy to read now.
It's about Holden Caulfield.

DREW BARRYMORE

When I started to blog this very post, I meant to write about Drew Barrymore (but some like change subjects) - how inspiring she has been for me. I admire her courage, her wits and smile - always sunny. She's been through so much - drugs, alcohol, depression, and here she is - fresh, successful and recovered. I would have loved her either ways. Wanted to tell you that quote of hers I read the other day, but I have forgotten. She was talking about being risky and not to be scared of being embarrassed.
Can't say same about risks, but I've never backed off of getting embarrassed. Who cares as long as you feel "rufalicious"! :) Gotta see her movies (e.g. Never been kissed).
So, thank you Drew for being my muse and inspiration for life.
Thanks internet for being the engine of my inspirations.
Thanks everyone who reads it and thinks that I am 'the one' =))
HAVE A SWELL NIGHT (if that's possible)!

Morning glory... What???

By Yana Frank

I was supposed to wake up at 07:15 but my room-mate's alarm clock just knocked me out earlier, ghr!!!
Had a chavruta with Leah and I was half asleep.
Oh!
And we have a test today in Halacha, what a wonderful day! :|
I hate tests, it reminds me of school and school was so boring, and senseless to me. Teachers wanted every kid to be the clone of the other and it drove me mad, really.
Oh, hell.

Rocking Sunday

Remember my post of the last Sunday? It was so dull and boring. Thank G-d, this Sunday came out different. I had a morning chavruta with Leah and then we all had a lesson of the jewish history with Elisheva. It was so interesting, we discussed about 'Kamtza and Bar Kamtza' issue. You know my opinion over this stuff - I don't believe in this 'BE FRUM' thing. It does not matter whether you're religious or not - as long as you forget to treat people nice.

Yesterday rabbi Rose mentioned that when you speak about Torah with women, you need to focus on different things while speaking with men you should take different approach. I did not really understand that, but today when we started discussion on Elisheva's lesson, I really saw the difference between men and us :lol: (well, it's taken quite long, Soph!) What kind of difference? Women obey rules easier, it is written? Ok, than we do according them. And I like men ;) I like learning, discovering new things and discussing, it is so refreshing and interesting rather than reading and writing it down to pass an exam. So, I had a nice day, Baruch Hashem. In the evening I went out with the girls to the Bundestag, we went inside, saw the night city view, walked here and there, and got home.

Tomorrow's new day, Scarlett ;)

My new haircut

[By the way, my new haircut is weird - absolutely not my style. Well, I'm still thankful, it's a challenge, I should've seen myself as a woman-to-be, shouldn't I? :D]