Shipping...

What if life is an optical illusion at its best?..

27 mirrors

I looked in the mirror this evening and noticed wrinkles on my forehead. It felt so old, I cannot even describe. I felt like I've lived thousands of years and still more coming while I am already old and wrinkly lady. It's funny actually. I am not that old, am I?
27 is the age of beautiful death, but no worries I do neither drugs nor rock'n roll. I used to wish I did, but now I think that is ridiculous. Everything is stupid but family. Nothing is worth in this life but loving and let be loved, have babies and spread more love.
Do I sound like John Lennon? Stop war make love-ish or something, I know.

I did not mean to post tonight at all. This blog has become just dwelling place for me where I could come and hide into its caves, you know what I mean. Few people ever read it so I feel like looking in the mirror and this time not feeling old, but strong and beautiful. All right, I still have some weight to lose after childbirth, have to buy some good creams to perish the wrinkles maybe, smile when Ezra fusses and let him know that I am his mum forever, and he can count on me anytime.

I responded the e-mails I had received over a month ago and realized that put my soul into them. Sometimes I wish I received the letters/e-mails as soulful as my own. I used to receive ones from one special girl from Osnabruck and then she quit because I could never find time to answer properly and now feel very bad about that. Isn't it sad that we usually forget/ignore/hurt people who deserve much more than others?

I wish I was a good, altruistic kind of person. Or maybe I don't wish it honestly and all I really care about is to look in the mirror and feel good about myself and only. Don't we all want that actually? Feel good about ourselves? That's when we're happy expressing what we are or what we want to be.
I guess I need vacations. I need more time with my husband. I need the sea, and the starry night that makes you forget everything including mirrors and 27 wrinkles on one's forehead.

Last mirror and I am gone.

Not November

It is not November I know that. Not to mention the sweet one.
I need no Mercedes either.
I have many scarves though.

My life in Berlin is coming to an end, I've been here for 16 months. I was good and bad. I felt lonely and had lots of fun with the Midrasha girls. Traveled enough, saw places, faces, spaces... many things have changed since I've come here.
I have too changed.

I don't write letters to Che Guevara anymore, don't get angry about social injustice and try to be patient with anything that comes my way. Well, it does not work sometimes.

Do you know what hasn't changed in me? I still close my eyes and imagine bluest sea and the sun hugging my shoulders, getting me sunny and free. I know all the theories about reality, life, people and the harsh destiny we have to handle since Adam and Eve decided to have the fruit they were not supposed to have.
Never mind Che Guevara, I wish I could write to Eve.
Or I may be talking to her everyday for I believe there has to be some part of her in me as in every other woman.

Haven't written anything lately... I guess I have been saying that forever. Gosh. Am I becoming one of those failed authors who keep complaining they cannot write? One of my friends from Georgia recorded my old poetry and sent to me. I cried. I used to write nice stuff and it is ironic all that I have written has come true. I do not remember my old feelings at all, I don't remember people who I thought I would never forget...
Everything has become just a tiny reminiscent of a somnambulic book called: Sophie's life before...

I am nothing but a dirt.
I am not the first to say that unfortunately.
We will all fade away.
Torah will remain - only thing that will always be as long as there is Someone watching over His creation.
Nothing else matters now and all I want is to go to sleep and let this week finish. SOON.

El Mar

Life has to be blue like the Mediterranean.
Greeks say, the Aegean sea is like a butter - soft and still. All you have to do to close your eyes and let your body free in its waves... I dream of the sea very often and it is the only thing I will miss for ever.

What makes one appreciate the beauty of G-d's creation, what is beauty anyway?
Beauty lies in the sea, in its bluest waves, in the clearest sky, in the shiniest sun rising and setting. You sit by the sea and feel golden rays on your shoulders, on your face and keep smiling. It is burning and leaving freckles on your nose but you still sit there, smile and feel the smell of your sunburned skin... You are becoming one with the sea, the sun, the sky...

Mar Adentro is a movie by Alejandro Amenabar, Chile born director with passionate spirit and melancholic view I would say. I imagine him as one of the lonesome characters from Marquez's novels... There is one remarkable scene in the movie - flying over the green forests, mountains, rivers, feeling the horizon, breathing fresh air and achieving the "highest" point - the sea, the blue giant with most marvelous shape and colour in the world. Not only you see, but feel and realize that it is the sea inside making you move and live, it is the sea blustering in your veins, running through your blood and your heart trying to jump out the chest.

This is my sea, the sea inside me.
El Mar.
Mar adentro.

Chillin'

This verb chillin' actually reminds me of my dearest friend, who lives in Israel and is in the army now. She'll finish her army in April and I hope so much to meet her then.

Chili loves the Red Hot Chili Peppers, we used to have many common dreams.
I still hope we'll make them come true, but dreams are to remain dreams, eh?

Can't stop though... life is beautiful around the world, you know :)