Little Birdie

Little birdie, little birdie, where do you come from, then?
Looked for crumble, for some crumble but nothing was there. 

German Children Song (with my rough translation)

This little sweet German song about a Little Birdie, that has been looking for a crumble, but could not find any because of Winter, has become so close to my heart lately. 

My big boy learnt it at the Kindergarten and when he came home singing it, and I looked up for the lyrics, I knew right away, that was my song of this period of life.

Not that I am a little in any sense of this word, quite the opposite; especially the ego. Oh, man!

No. It's just I am looking for a crumble too. I feel so spiritually hungry sometimes, so lonely that only thing I can relate to is this Kleine Meise, Little Birdie.

Having such a huge history behind, and ahead. Having the gold as they say and still looking for a silver? Not really. I am fine and settled with my spirituality, but I don't understand everything and I don't do it with joy. I struggle a lot while knowing what I have to do is right and I wouldn't do it any other way, but just having this "must" really makes it harder. And it should be that way too, I know very well. Nothing comes easy, at least for me. 

And for anyone, I guess. It's just we always think others live easier than us without knowing their hearts and souls.

I saw this video of hilarious Rivka Malka the other day and it stayed in my mind forever (now I could not find the exact video, but all her videos are worth of watching). She said, we can never be in other person's shoes, because we have never experienced what the other one has. We have never had the same childhood, upbringing, struggles with other people. Although we can share and relate, be empathic and even feel some of the feelings actually, we'll never be able to fully understand others' woes. 

I mean, I have tried but what I always think is how would I do it, how would I react and cope with it, not how other one could, because I can't know the hormonal changes in others.

Just start talking about something with people and you will get absolutely different answers from everyone, different views, even different understanding of the "obvious" (for you) question.

This used to frustrate me: how could that be, I say this and it's received in that way while I meant it this way?

I am sure everyone had this experience.

So I won't be frustrated if someone calls me saying, lady, what Little Birdie are you talking about? Are you cold? Put on some coat and drink a hot tea with lemon.

Not cold at all.

Fresh Re-Start

I haven't been blogging quite a while. I have been doing some thinking and analysing to where I want to take this blog. Do I really need it at all? Does it make any sense and does anyone need to read it?
Funnily, I answered to all questions with almost NO.

And today I figured out I want to make some changes. I've changed this old blog's URL, as well as title and I hope I could write more from now on.
I am thinking of making podcasts and video posts every once in a while. All I have to do is to order my Blue Microphone, wrap a lovely tichel around my head and get down to work.

I hope it goes well.

For the new start I shall re-introduce myself:
I am Sophie, mum of two boys, living in Europe, where it's cold, and hostile to people of my faith.
I've studied Journalism and Social Psychology. Worked on the radio, wrote some crap for papers, did translations, even touristic business got me once and then, one day, right after I turned 25, I realised only thing I longed was family. 
Because I had never felt like home anywhere before, never cared for somebody enough to cover my hair and learn how to knead a dough. Never believed in any particular religion, but The Creator.
But I always liked children and they liked me back a lot.

So one brought another, and another, and another,
and here I am:

Mama Sophie - sunny, funny, witty Hausfrau of 30, homeschooling, bread baking, hat knitting, who strongly believes we should never compare our life to others' because we all have what we can handle.

Since I claim to be a homeschooling mum, I'll cover it a little bit too.
My sons are almost 3 and 1 years old, which qualify them mostly for Kindergarten, but I do not like any children institution, I am sorry, I believe they measure everyone same and never really pay attention individually. So I stay home with them and am being a mum like any other one.
I wish I could homeschool longer, but it is not allowed in the country we live, I only get to keep my babies under my wing until they have to go to school (3-5 years to go).
Until then, I hope to instill strong will in my children, so they can resist the system that tries to fit everyone in the same box.

My very homeschooling is all about playing, singing, drawing, baking and running :-D because nobody runs as much as mothers do all day long.

Shalom Aleichem - Peace Be With You

I've had couple of "Answer Me This" posts in my drafts, which I never got to publish because of different reasons, but today is the day that I should.

I've been homesick of a kind, and now I realise I have quoted Ezra Pound for that who is the least favourite poet of mine because of his political attitude. What can you do if he has the best name though.

I had baby Aaron 6 months ago and only now I feel to have little postpartum depression thing. Not that big depression kind that Western world loves so much, I come from the East after all. I mean little depression that would suit a stay at home Hausfrau mum of two little children.

Blogging should heal me, I pray.

I like Kendra Tierney very much. I like the way she writes. I respect her for being a lady, good example of a modern religious woman, who is intelligent, modest and funny at the same time.
I feel very grateful to know plenty of nice people with whom I don't share my religious belief at all, but still learn a lot because kindness, morality and G-d are universal.
This mother of 7 lovely children is one of my online miracles.
In Judaism we say that it is "Kiddush Hashem", when one does an act of kindness, that praises G-d's name and recognises His almightiness. So I think Kendra's the one doing it with her honesty in faith, which absolutely inspires others to be like her.

Here are the answers to this week's questions:

1. What is your favorite picture book?

I never liked picture books before I had children. I am a "Franny and Zooey" post-feminist Jewish-Irish girl, you know ;-) Now my firstborn Ezra loves picture books, so I have to like them too. He used to love the "Was fährt da in der Stadt?" book, which must be an equivalent of English "Things that move", I suppose.

He especially loves this picture of a man repairing the street lamp, probably because we unscrew the lamp in the kitchen before every Shabbat, so Ezra wouldn't turn it on, and this picture, funnily, must be reminding him of that. He's still too young to understand some/most of the Shabbat laws, but as my dearest Rebetzin Roberg says, it is all about what one learns from its family. When a child sees how parents love and respect their faith, traditions, how happy they are living in this particular way, he will love and enjoy it too.

But his/mine all time favourite is this one, the children version of old Georgian book "Wisdom of Fancy" by extraordinary Sulkhan Saba Orbeliani. Ezra's got to like this preach book for it is based on Talmud, some say.

2. Are you a boycotter?

I think I am.
(Sophie, of course you are!)
I have always been.
I used to boycott all the big capitalist companies like Coca Cola, Pepsi, McDonalds, Apple and many more for my University years.
Now I mostly boycott those companies/factories that support Nationalist Party of Germany, who are Nazis deep inside.

3. How do you feel about cheese?

Funny to answer this, because my uncle is a great cheese maker :-D he was a school principal (we call it the school director over here; principal - I must've heard in American movies), who quit his intellectual job because he's that funny kind of guy and went farming.
Back to cheese though.
My husband and I used to make kosher cheese actually, but then got bored, because it was too expensive and not worth of our time and effort. It's easier to buy, plus we don't want to boycott Kosher stores, that are so few in Germany :-D
What's that Kosher Cheese? To make a kosher cheese you need vegetable rennet, enzyme that is not of the animal origin. We don't eat "normal" cheese, because of the law from Torah: it is forbidden to mix milk with meat.
Usually, cheese is made from the rennet, which would be from the animal stomach skin (pardon my English and just Google, if you are not a boycotter like some people).

4. How many pairs of sunglasses do you own?

One or two, but don't even know where I keep them. I hardly ever use sunglasses because it's never too sunny in Germany.

5. How long has it been since you went to the dentist?

I had an appointment last year and ironically, I decided to take a pregnancy test on that very morning, which came out positive. I canceled it obviously.
So thanks for reminding now. I shall schedule an appointment soon.

6. If you could visit any religious site in the world, where would you go?

It should definitely be Eretz Israel or Holy Land, as everyone calls it. There is no land that can be holier and it must be only statement everyone agrees with.
I also hope and pray my children will be able not only visit Yerushalayim/Jerusalem, but live there in peace with other people (despite of their faith), who REALLY love and care about the land. It sounds so not realistic right now, I know, but we do believe, don't we?

I also wish I could visit Rachel's tomb in Ramah near Bethlehem. She is one of my favourite Biblical foremothers, if not the most, because of her kindness, patience and love towards her sister Leah.


Thanks Kendra for hosting.

(And thank you, my readers, who keep e-mailing and supporting me even though you can't really call this a blog anymore.)

Shalom Aleichem to you all!!!
Peace be with you! - remember this?
It is a Hebrew way of greeting, but let it be my goodbye this time.

Shalom means peace in Hebrew and it also has other meaning, wholeness. Nothing can be complete and none of us can be happy if there is no peace with our fellow people.

So may there be Peace in this old crazy world!
!!!אָמֵן

Photo a day or two, maybe three - 2

Hummus!!!

This has been my breakfast, dinner and supper these days. I love hummus and it's time to learn how to make it myself at home, because it is a problem to find a kosher hummus in Leipzig. They either have it in our tiny kosher shop or at fancy German ones -- very expensive both.

I used to claim that I was very Middle Eastern-tempered person, but living in Europe for all these years definitely transformed me into cold and depressive woman.
In spite of it all I love this lousy Europe, especially Scandinavia and Germany (add Netherlands as well), because of almost feminist government and society, where women are strong and free, where they are not considered as sinful and dirty daughters of Eve.

I've been reading some book about Afghan women and it freezes my blood, how society and especially religious authorities encourage massive ignorance of people and especially women, who are considered half human, as servants of their husbands. It is horrible to be a woman there and we all should thank G-d for being born or raised or living in free countries.

One more thing that scared me today was, that I bumped into a muslim woman at the shop, who was covered in black from head to toes, you could hardly see her eyes; ABSOLUTELY covered. I've never seen someone like that in my life before and I was shocked. First thing I thought was very naive one: "How is she going to say Hallo to the cashier when pays for her things, while they can't see her face???", and "She can't even smile to anyone because nobody will see it anyway" - well, this last one made me seriously sad.
WHY is that necessary? WHAT is wrong (or is there WRONG at all)?
Does it mean, men are considered such animals that women should cover themselves up that much to not to attract them? Why that society and religious personalities think so negatively about human nature? I think this leads to violence and adultery even more, because forbidden fruit is sweeter, as they say.

Well, I don't know. I never judge anyone and this post is also nothing of the sort, I just care and feel about women for I believe we are all same, we aim for same and we want all basic things SAME too, like love, respect, security...

I am very concerned now. I've always been involved and interested in women issues, emancipation and education, but in this case, where religion also comes, I should step back and just watch - at the end of the day, how do I know that woman is miserable? Maybe she's happier than most of us, educated and free women of west after all? Maybe she wouldn't trade that life of hers to any Scandinavian fair woman's wearing jeans and leaving her kids to her husband while she goes to work? And what if all these images of happiness, women freedom and all are just products of the Western culture that is shoved onto our faces and we consider them right while they are against our nature created by G-d?

I am thinking and re-thinking about it.

But wait, what had Rosa Luxemburg, Klara Zetkin or even Virginia Woolf fought for then? Was it all vain and nothing? Didn't they achieve women have property and right to vote? Right to choose their life partners and wear whatever they feel comfortable?

I'm sorry, but it's IMPOSSIBLE! It would be self denial and self deception to believe those women, who have no rights because they're aware of none, are happy. Never in the world has religious extremism brought any good. Beware friends (the ones that dive too deep)!!!

You see how hummus talk could be turned into a much serious post than expected? Long live to Middle East!!!

סרוגים - the show that revealed me secrets

You may laugh at me, but before I've seen this show "Srugim", I considered myself something of a kind that they call "modern orthodox". Well, I was wrong. I have always been very bad at labeling people and even worse when it came to us. It actually appeared that being modern orthodox does not mean wearing tichel instead of sheitel or not wearing black clothes and not covering your chestline up to "neckbones". I did not know that there are people in Israel considering themselves as modern orthodox, keeping Shabbat (in a way they think it's correct), women partially covering their head and sometimes even breaking shomer negiah rule which would be women and men shaking hands and so on.

Well, Mrs Sophie Kaufman, sorry but you are no modern orthodox, never were and never will be most probably.
Neither because my husband wears black kippah and would never consider to switch it to crocheted one nor me that believes shomer negiah is one of the very important principles in Jewish tradition, NO, because I believe you either keep all the commandments and live according completely to Torah or it is just playing some game like they do in the show.


Show is all right though, at least some people may become interested exploring their religion and tradition more, concentrate on their spirituality and environment.
I absolutely like the friendship between these young people, they support each other, spend Shabbat together but when it comes to family life they don't show any interest and you don't even see their families (except some crazy brother showing up and revealing he actually doesn't believe in G-d, just fooling around).

I read some interesting article about this show saying that it encourages single couples who do not get married so soon as some others to search for other options, live modern life while still keeping commandments and remaining traditional, that helps them not to feel outcast because very often society puts huge pressure on them. There is definitely some truth in it, and we all know in most religious circles it is very hard to stay single (and happy) for a long time, that would label you as a "picky", weirdo or someone too smart (that was my favourite "label" when I was single).
Since I have single friends who are already at their late twenties and some even at their early thirties, can't agree more and I wish I could support them more for life and some people treat them little harshly. This show does support them though.

"Srugim" is a show for the age 25+ audience not for teenagers. I doubt teenagers would even really watch it, but still there is always some kind of attraction to see popular shows and create role models. You find no role model in this show though, at least I could not find one.
There is this main character Yifati, newly married, emotional and loud young woman who gets pregnant and is bossing over her really sweet husband. There is also a former frum teacher Hodeya still teaching in a religious school but having secret tattoo on her back; then there's this funny and lovely green-eyed rich girl Reut, who tries to figure our her feminism and spiritual level making kiddush on Friday evening while men listen.
Men are also present in this show, but not so interesting as women, if you ask me. They try their best but women upstage them as usually. I heard critics about characters' outfit and looks being very ordinary, but I believe that's exactly what made this show so popular: actors are very natural, dressed casually and for us who know how religious people dress have no complaint. It is mostly about attitude and not the outfit we all know it even though dress code is as important in Judaism as any other commandment to keep. They do it quite good.

Anyways, modern orthodox or charedi, whatever one might be, I think G-d brings us all together and makes us love each other for Pesach is coming up, we're free to be and first of all - one should free its mind, soul and accept its people, nourish everyone in need and show affection no matter of the dress length or the kippah colour.

Pesach veKosher Sameach!!!

Love,

Sophie-who-has-just-realized-herself-unlabeled-and-is-very-happy-about-it :)

Safe?

It's been just fifteen minutes fast of 9th Av is over. My husband's not back from synagogue yet and I have time to blog sipping herbal tea and looking through my window.

Life in Leipzig is very quiet. Germany is very quiet country indeed, you hardly ever hear loud speech or arguments among people. Everyone lives their life, say cold hi to each other, then lock their doors behind and feel safe.

What's this "safe" though? Safe from being helpful to others? Safe from being disturbed by your fellows? Safe from giving attention to someone needy?
I don't need this kind of safety if you know what I mean.
And I realized this today when my husband and I went to the Leipzig Tora Zentrum to watch a movie about Ytzchak Zilber - the famous "refusnik" of the Soviet Union who left for Israel in early 70's and never stopped being an observant Jew.
After he was accused of being a G-dbeliever and "abusing" his children to observe commandments like not writing on Shabbat and not eating non-kosher food, many people advised him to deny his religious belief but one old lady told him: 'If you leave G-d, who would stay with Him then?'
He never left Him.

When you see or read stories like this you realize how easy our life is - nobody's telling us to leave the faith and sometimes we still feel so under pressure. I guess it is because we have been bombarded by the world media to live on our own, be 'safe' and never let anyone to disturb us.
Why do we disturb G-d all the time though?

When we answer that everything becomes clearer and hopefully never lock the doors behind our fellows.

Wishing all of you to rebuild its own temple, be loving, caring and thoughtful to the people around.

It's never over

Oh, Lenny, Lenny... not that you are someone special or anything... it is all about your voice and sensual songs full of emotions, little teasing and smooth as hell; as if hell was supposed to be smooth. How can you tell what is hell like? Has anyone ever returned from there? There is no hell, people, no heaven either - it is all about wandering and wondering in and out of your head. Life's never over till it's REALLY over...

"Even the righteous suffer when G-d punishes the wicked" - Radak comments on this week's Haftarah and it is just about on time to comfort me.

HAPPY EVERYTHING!!!

I never liked holidays before I got closer to religion.
It has been my second year that I have been celebrating various Jewish holidays: Rosh Hashanah, Sukkot, Purim and now Pesach (Passover) is coming soon.

I always had this thought that celebrating something was boring, and I hated saying: "Oh, happy this and happy that!". I would have rather stayed home alone and read some book. But now I find them very amusing - because it is not only about saying merry things, or overeat the food (you can't do that on Pesach anyway), it is about finding oneself, the reason of one's being, thinking about one's self, improving character and analyzing what is better for one, how to live and which roadway to take for future. When I realize this, I understand why I fell in love with my Jewish holidays. Above it all, nobody can tell you to be happy unless you do not feel happy and grateful towards G-d and His creation. I am truly happy now.

HAPPY FINDING YOURSELVES, DEAR READERS OF MINE!

He is not upthere

I've been thinking about islam this morning and now I was looking for some pictures, and found this:

So I decided to post about it.
I do not like talking about religion. I think it is something that everyone has to choose by itself. You whether believe in G-d or not. Plus, you need to live for G-d to understand His existence. If a person denies Him talking about philosophy, phisics, chemistry and so on, it means that that person denies its own heart. Because you need emotions to observe religion - is it Judaism, Christianity, Islam or Buddhism.

The main idea of every religion is kindness, humanity, love.
Well, you may definitely ask: then why on earth are all those wars going on because of religion? My answer is this: those people who shoot each other for God's sake, that is not the G-d at all. In our world it is all about power and money, and I keep thinking what Nietzsche would have said: "Is man one of God's blunders? Or is God one of man's blunders?"

Well, I do not hope everything will work out. This world just cannot live without wars, even though everyone agrees to the existence of One G-d. They still need to fight, shed the blood and go to hell, if there is something of a kind.

I am religious. I live for G-d and I am sure He is always there for me. There will always be people who will chuckle about my observance, and those ones who will admire my choice, but only I know what I really believe in is not something easyunderstandable, it is in me, if you know what I mean.

Have you seen this movie "The Believer"??? When Ryan Gosling's character is running upstairs to find the Lord, and his teacher says: "He's not there".

Yes. HE IS NOT UP THERE. He is here inside our head and heart.

For Sweet New Year

You have no idea how excited I am.

This is my fourth blog I guess.

Most of my blog readers know about me - I'm Sophie, 24. I've graduated from Tbilisi State University this year. I've majored in Journalism and minored in Psychology. I've become quite religious recently and I am so happy about it.

In 6 or more hours Jewish New Year will be present. Rosh Hashanah - as it is. I'm invited at Georgian Rabbi's home to celebrate Rosh Hashanah. I love visiting them.

I think I have to tell you the story as it goes: at first, I thought of religious people - as strict and even fanatic ones. When I first got to stay at rabbi's house for Shabbat, I was quite tight. I wasn't sure when should I smile and when should I not. But when I saw the rabbi and his wonderful wife Julia joking, laughing and talking like everybody else - I was amazed, really. After that I started keeping Shabbat and Kashrut myself. Now I'm working on Tzniut actually. I take it slowly because it's not good to become strictly religious at once.

Above it all - I found the serenity I always needed. Even though I've been considering myself as cool and rational person, I can't deny that there is strong southern blood rushing through my veins. I may not show my emotions, but my heart is beating like mad from inside.
My dear friends, bloggers, readers, welcome to my new GOLDEN WORLD :)

שנה טובה