"Selfie" Question-Answer Post

The other day I was thinking if I am modest enough. I mean, do I behave nicely? Am I a good example for other girls and women of my social and religious level? Am I always dressed properly? Do I perhaps laugh little louder than I should?

And after I got all the answers to my above asked questions, I realised what a crazy world we live in.
Modesty? How can anyone be modest (including myself) having Instagram and sharing its "selfies", which I find so very selfish (the word says it itself) and stupid, although I've done more than couple of selfies myself too.

Dressing properly is another important thing for an Orthodox Jewish wife and mum. There are some dress codes, we all follow. It has never been too hard for me because I come from Georgia, where girls dress (at least used to) modestly, not bearing too much skin.

The other day I overheard a Muslim girl actually, who had her beautiful hair all covered saying, that it was not all about hiding from men, but making it clear, that there is more than physicality in women that you should think about. Nice point, right? I actually loved how she saw her traditions and once again made me feel better about really faithful people. I am glad to know that there are Muslim women and men, who truly believe in G-d, good morals and kindness.

So once you are open-minded, always ask questions, try finding questions and believe that G-d is One and Only, you are on a right path.

Now to the laughing part. Yeah, that is something I still have to work on. I love to laugh a lot. If not a laughter, I would have not managed this life. Really.

Tuesday thoughts, here they are.

Have a lovely week!!!

Enjoying beautiful Autumn (resisted well not to post a selfie ;-) )

Becoming oneself

Yes, pregnancy is hard, but being mum is harder. Forget the sleepless nights and early morning wake ups, forget the sore nipples in the beginning that make you scream and mad at the baby, never mind changing diapers with funny consistency in them; it is also you that changes when you become mum. Your life is never going to be the same. You will never be the same (thank G-d, don't wanna be either). The self of yours will change.

 

Every girl dreams about marriage, rather they dream about beautiful shiny wedding, princess gown, lovely guy that looks his best that day, people who came to watch and cherish the couple... all that cliche, you know.
Last year I was the main character of that cliche thing actually.
Got married in June 2011.
It was beautiful, I admit. There were my dear friends and people who I love, respect and wished to be there. It was a tiny dreamy day. Really.
It was about time, yes, I was no toddler definitely; at my 26 I had realized I was ready to tie the knot (boy, sounds this funny!) with this good man making me melt down like Amelie. So I did.
Even in my wildest dreams I would not be having traditional (orthodox actually) Jewish wedding with loads of charedi rabbis. I used to think I was a wild flower - to be sunny, funny and witty all the way.
Now I don't think marriage did any harm to my wild flowery character. It might have even improved me in a way one does when gets married and changes its life. I told to one of my closest friends that marriage is a huge challenge and being mum - battlefield :D it is, isn't it? True values have price to pay - change yourself, fight the demons that might be your inner friends and calm yourself down when baby cries so hard you have no idea how to soothe him.

Thus, it's been a year since then and we had a baby boy in April 2012, little prePesach wonder of ours. Ezra's his name and he's got my blue greyish eyes. He smiles as seldom as his dad, very much ashkenazi indeed.

This year has been quite a year. We've had some ups and downs as everyone does. We had hard times and we overcame them; this year made my post-feminist spirit realize that I belong to someone and actually like it;
I do cook, clean, do all the housewife thing, sometimes get mad (that's all media putting pressure) that women are never appreciated as they deserve; I am becoming one of those Jewish mums always having a cake or two in the fridge.

I can't really tell you where I stand now. I do not have much time for thinking, I have to do all as fast as I can, get some sleep, be a loving wife, take care of the baby, and only then I look in the mirror and see the familiar face of that post-feminist wild flower having found her true self. Oneself.

סרוגים - the show that revealed me secrets

You may laugh at me, but before I've seen this show "Srugim", I considered myself something of a kind that they call "modern orthodox". Well, I was wrong. I have always been very bad at labeling people and even worse when it came to us. It actually appeared that being modern orthodox does not mean wearing tichel instead of sheitel or not wearing black clothes and not covering your chestline up to "neckbones". I did not know that there are people in Israel considering themselves as modern orthodox, keeping Shabbat (in a way they think it's correct), women partially covering their head and sometimes even breaking shomer negiah rule which would be women and men shaking hands and so on.

Well, Mrs Sophie Kaufman, sorry but you are no modern orthodox, never were and never will be most probably.
Neither because my husband wears black kippah and would never consider to switch it to crocheted one nor me that believes shomer negiah is one of the very important principles in Jewish tradition, NO, because I believe you either keep all the commandments and live according completely to Torah or it is just playing some game like they do in the show.


Show is all right though, at least some people may become interested exploring their religion and tradition more, concentrate on their spirituality and environment.
I absolutely like the friendship between these young people, they support each other, spend Shabbat together but when it comes to family life they don't show any interest and you don't even see their families (except some crazy brother showing up and revealing he actually doesn't believe in G-d, just fooling around).

I read some interesting article about this show saying that it encourages single couples who do not get married so soon as some others to search for other options, live modern life while still keeping commandments and remaining traditional, that helps them not to feel outcast because very often society puts huge pressure on them. There is definitely some truth in it, and we all know in most religious circles it is very hard to stay single (and happy) for a long time, that would label you as a "picky", weirdo or someone too smart (that was my favourite "label" when I was single).
Since I have single friends who are already at their late twenties and some even at their early thirties, can't agree more and I wish I could support them more for life and some people treat them little harshly. This show does support them though.

"Srugim" is a show for the age 25+ audience not for teenagers. I doubt teenagers would even really watch it, but still there is always some kind of attraction to see popular shows and create role models. You find no role model in this show though, at least I could not find one.
There is this main character Yifati, newly married, emotional and loud young woman who gets pregnant and is bossing over her really sweet husband. There is also a former frum teacher Hodeya still teaching in a religious school but having secret tattoo on her back; then there's this funny and lovely green-eyed rich girl Reut, who tries to figure our her feminism and spiritual level making kiddush on Friday evening while men listen.
Men are also present in this show, but not so interesting as women, if you ask me. They try their best but women upstage them as usually. I heard critics about characters' outfit and looks being very ordinary, but I believe that's exactly what made this show so popular: actors are very natural, dressed casually and for us who know how religious people dress have no complaint. It is mostly about attitude and not the outfit we all know it even though dress code is as important in Judaism as any other commandment to keep. They do it quite good.

Anyways, modern orthodox or charedi, whatever one might be, I think G-d brings us all together and makes us love each other for Pesach is coming up, we're free to be and first of all - one should free its mind, soul and accept its people, nourish everyone in need and show affection no matter of the dress length or the kippah colour.

Pesach veKosher Sameach!!!

Love,

Sophie-who-has-just-realized-herself-unlabeled-and-is-very-happy-about-it :)

Variety of choice

I intended to blog two weeks ago and tell you about the things I am into right now.
I started to go to the Volkshochschule which would be Folk High School in German. Yes, after almost two years living here I decided it is time to learn German properly.

The Leipzig Volkshochschule is really one of the good schools in Germany. First of all the building is beautiful and old; but what's more important our wedding dinner and dances took place in the concert hall of this very school last June. So it is quite emotional going there everyday, ascending the stairs and seeing familiar halls - always expecting some dear face to appear and smile at you.

There are 15 students in my group. Variety of world culture: A couple from South Korea (newly married, very cute ones), a very funny boy and a girl from Japan; yes, that was the guy whom I've surprised with my age, then there is a heavy metal lover from Finland with fair hair and cold face, one more couple from Poland with typical polish names: Marek and Eva, one guy from Kazakhstan, an Indian guy with smily face who has difficulty to pronounce the diftong: SH, a very intelligent girl from Iran and the last ones but not least two other girls. Well these two girls made a funny entrance for one of them is from Romania and her name is Aurelia while other one comes from Brasil, is Afro-American and named Lyudmila. Don't you find it funny too? You would expect Lyudmila to be this blonde girl in mini-skirt speaking with Russian accent and all you get is a Brasilian lass with loud voice and big body.
Oh, and there's me - exotic Georgian one with covered hair, joking and asking questions all the time.

Mentioning my covered hair was not by accident.

Everyday at 10 we have a half hour break in the school. That's when some of us have lunch, go to the toilet, or stay in the classroom and stare at the walls or getting to know with people and have some conversation. I would not say that I am always extremely friendly but I love talking to people, finding out about their nationality, their religion, their opinion about various subjects, and definitely telling them about Georgia and its religious tolerance I have always been proud of.

Well, one morning, me and my Iranian classmate were sitting in the "lunch-room", she was having her cake and I was eating my huge yellow Golden apple, later Romanian girl also joined us. I asked Iranian girl with beautiful name (Parvane which means butterfly in Persian and so in Georgian) about the economics in Iran, about her opinion of the fundamental Islam and the unemployment (also one of my favourite subjects). She told me that despite of the huge resources of Petroleum country is in a very bad situation, unemployment reaches high numbers. There are many educated people with PhD degree and still not able to find a job. She and her husband also belong to those ones who have university degree but had to leave the country because it is hard to make ends meet. Then she spoke about old times with sadness in her voice saying how the Islamic revolution forced the king to leave and made all the women cover themselves. Women hate to wear those terrible clothes, Parvane said, and everyone who leaves Iran throws them away immediately.
So, you don't do it for G-d, do you? - I was astonished.

Yes, it was surprising for me even though I could guess that Islam never really favoured women. Although it must be noted that in spite of the fundamentalism the female education is on a high level in Iran, there are many intelligent and open-minded women able to receive proper university education and work, I can attest to that having met my "schule-mate" Parvane and knowing her language learning skills.

Only thing that kind of scared me is what she said about Iranian women hating covering themselves. I've always believed that one should only observe religion when one believes in it and does things not for someone but for G-d and one's own spiritual growth.
Did not you also think that all the Muslims (whether they blow up things or not) are acting in the name of their god?
Well, it seems that they don't.
They are doing so because of the lack of choice.

I am observing Jewish woman, covering my hair and wearing modest clothes. As I come from Georgia wearing modest clothes was never a challenge, but covering hair after I got married was one of the most difficult things in my life.
First argument with myself I had after a month of being married when covering hair was not fun anymore and wedding excitement was fading gradually. I had missed seeing the sun through my hair, I had missed the feeling of freedom when wind blows your hair to your face... I had started to get nervous when I was going out and could not match any scarf or hat to my dress. And that's when I asked myself:
"Sophie, in the first place you were and are happy that only your husband can see your hair, what's happened now? You want to show off?"

After this question "Sophie realized" that the reason was not desire to show off her hair to other people but the modern western society trying to free women while they are putting more pressure than the Islamic Republic of Iran mentioned above. While they are "freeing" women and taking all the clothes off they tend to forget how they humiliate woman today. Look at any billboard, check out any advertisement, browse any site you wish and all you would see is a pretty woman suggesting brand new cars, shampoos, clothes (while she has hardly anything on) and various products or services. Women have become lowest subjects of desire and after this how could some of us still believe in media assuring us that being modest and observe moral codes are out of date and fruits of scary fundamentalism?

I do not wish others to see my hair although I still miss it loose on my shoulders and being catcher in the rye (bookish way to say).
I am truly happy the way I live because difference between me and Iranian women (and the advertising ones) is the freedom of choice.
I am free.
I chose to observe Torah and its laws. I chose to keep the commandments for nobody else but G-d. So I chose many things and no matter what western society thinks of Orthodox Jews or religions in general, we truly know when/if we are free and mind is open instead of other parts of the body.

Would you go out?

I haven't blogged properly last month, have I? I've been quite busy and probably will be busy for rest of my life. It is actually nice being busy with something that makes you happy although you know it is not only happiness, but challenge and working on yourself for ever.

My hair and nails have same colour right now. I am half ready for Shabbat. Still haven't figured out what to wear... eternal wonder of a woman.

Have I mentioned that Midrasha's having "Dating Shabbaton" and many girls have arrived for this Shabbat? Who wouldn't anyway? Title is so catchy for the girls. Every girl likes to know more about dating and talk about it with other girls, even the nutty ones like me. I hope we're gonna have fun tonight. Sometimes you like to hang out with the girls, talk about shallow things and laugh out your guts. I love my little Midrasha girlies, I really do.

Dating issue is one of the serious things in Orthodox Judaism, not shallow at all. It is to be called matchmaking actually. When you hear about your girlfriends' dating you may have fun and laugh about it, but when it comes to you then you realize there is nothing so funny actually. You get nervous and only way to hide your anxiety is to play very cool and casual; to go on a date in your least posh clothes and minimal make up - not forgetting sunny smile and wit though ;)
Well, I am the last person to give tips about Shidduch, trust me. Life is a movie, remember? Especially my life is like the movie and I've been feeling that everything one gets is what one wants and needs. Anyway, I always behave like a frum Dylan Sanders, giggling and joking all the time.
No matter whether it's Orthodox Shidduch or not - you have to feel free and comfortable not only with the person you go out but with yourself first. It is all about making each other feel open and wild, you know. Who would go out with someone that makes you tight and shy? Not me. Although I know there are different individuals, shy ones need shy dates, weirdos go out with creepy ones and everyone's happy. As long as everyone's happy and satisfied world goes on turning, and so the population is multiplying, thank G-d.

Be cool, girls! You too, boys! :)

Shabbat Shalom!

Have a swell week end: love, live and laugh, willya?

So different yet the same

I had quite intense days. Lost in translation to say so.
Sometimes it's really a wonder that happens to me - when I feel tired, lonely and miserable, suddenly I remember some people who have been in my life, whom I have met and how they influenced me with their bright and kind spirits.

I found out that this girl, Ruchi, who I met in Antwerp on Sukkot got engaged. Mazal tov! I am so glad for her, hope she will have hatzlacha (good luck) in everything. She was the first hassidic girl I've ever known. Before I went to Antwerp I was told how strict orthodox those people were. So I was little afraid of hassids, tell you truth. Then we were invited at Belzs' and that's where I met Ruchi, amazing person with kindest and loveliest dark eyes I have ever seen. Then we started this game that all the girls should have divided in two and do conversation with the girl seated next. So Ruchi and I got together, she told me about her family, life in general, so did I. I was absolutely charmed by her natural beauty and lovely smile. When we talked about the difference between our lives, she told me: "We are still same as we are Jewish." That really made me think over many things and decide that difference is beautiful and G-d has known how to arrange this world so we, different people, could come together and share the same faith which lays in/with Him.

Thank You, Lord. Thank you, dear Ruchi and everyone who never stops smiling and knows that we should not take this life for granted, but be thankful and happy for everything we have got.