Argentina dreams. La razon de la Vida

Water Dream by Thomas Neil

What we had in common - our restlessness, our impassioned spirits, and a love for the open road.

Ernesto Che Guevara "Motorcycle Diaries"

Argentina. Buenos Aires.
I had a dream last night. Not realistic at all if you compare sunny Argentina to snowy and freezing Germany where I've been living almost a year.
It is all about Che Guevara who is one of my favourite people who have really inspired me to have free spirit, be not afraid of obstacles, don't rest while I am alive and go for it. Frida Kahlo would have also advised me that: Viva La Vida. No?
Isn't it amazing that these South Americans have such desire for life, love and everything that is worth to be in this world? Even though their economy is terrible, corruption and drug business is blossoming. They still do not give up: dance, sing and believe in positivity.

Whenever I feel solitude I write letters to Che Guevara and Klara Zetkin. Probably because there will be no answer back, plus I know there is some part of them in me I could trust. And it is so symbolic that one is from Argentina and the other - from Germany. My life is so full of specific reasons, isn't it? I wish I could name it somehow: "La Razon De La Vida Del Sol"?

Yesterday when I was walking in the snow and got frozen all over, I was thinking, merde, do I have to die so young and restless just from the cold? I exaggerated a bit, all right.
Although it does not even matter if you die as long as you know the reason of it. Reason you are dead because of searching for something real and FUN.

Guard the portals of your mouth

My previous post was so crybabyish, oh, nobody remembered my birthday, nobody did this, nobody did that. Actually they did afterwards :-) Sarah Nachum bought me a funny lovely green hat, Miriam got an English-Deutsch Wörterbuch for me, so in a year's time I should be very fluent in German (that's my goal), then Rina left chocolates and lovely note in my room. I am glad because they did it without reading my blog. Oh, last but not least, this lovely Israeli girl Yifat who takes amazing pictures screamed "Happy Birthday" to me in her little town Wismar :-) Yes life is worth it after all.

Photo by Yifat Ouzan

I got an e-mail today from Ita, my teacher, she sent me very interesting article about the power of speech and silence as well. Here's the quote from that article I loved it very much: "From that which lies within your bosom [i.e. your soul], guard the portals of your mouth" (Michah 7:5). I definitely needed this quote of Michah to understand that I cannot and should not say anything is in my heart or soul. We live in such difficult times that we are told by everyone we should speak out our minds and all, but in reality one should always keep something to prevent hurting someone afterwards. You know why have I come to this? After reading my previous post I realized that I am not perfect myself and might sometimes hurt others, or forget things. Or G-d just wanted to show me how sad it is to feel lonely so I should never, NEVER, forget to care about others. Lesson is learned, dear Hashem. Thanks for that. And thanks to all the girls for cheering me up the other day.

And it snows like has never snowed before...

Winterdreaming

Just dreaming about the snow...
Oh how I wish I wake up in the morning and everything is white around!!!

Life is so empty without it.
It is like when you need love, you feel it, but can't see.
That is how I feel about the snow. I really do.

Where I stand - after sunset

I stand still.
I stand on my feet.
I stand alone - mostly with G-d.
I stand and sit.
I stand.
Joni Mitchel did not know.
I do.
I guess, I do.

After sunset:
We were on Rykestrasse with the girls today when it started to snow. I went mad really. I ADORE THE SNOW. Everybody else started complaining - ooh, it's gonna be cold, wet... then I understood - I stand somewhere else. It's not the edge of the rye... it's my world, not necessarily sunny, it's just my world, you know. I went into the kitchen and danced with joy alone. May be I should think of becoming hassidish :D
In the evening the make-up lady came to midrasha again and gave free face treat and some girlie class about how to put shadows on your eyes. After my haircut I don't trust her, G-d forgive me, she just could not see my personality. Hello! Why should I hide my face, even though I have square face, eh? So she said. I love my hair - curly and wild.
She made up some girls... well, I preferred them before makeover...
You know who's my new favorite person in our community? Leah Portnoy - she's just so sweet, and smily and dear; been here for 3 months and no-one really greeted me with such sunny face before. I am so happy I met her.
It's -2:32 am. Gotta go to sleep for I have shiurs in the morning...

P.S. I saw a guy looking like Adam Levine of The Maroon 5 :D But he was so shallow and empty, if you know what I mean. He stood not there where I was standing.

Stand tall, Soph!