Showing posts with label solitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label solitude. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Unappeased yearning to return


The Greek word for "return" is nostos. Algos means "suffering." So nostalgia is the suffering caused by an unappeased yearning to return.

Milan Kundera ("Ignorance")


Yes, I've been there. I've been to Prague - the city of melancholy, writers, lost artists, beautiful people, golden beer and me. I was there and did not even see Milan Kundera. I was there and could not even tell anyone how much this means to me, how happy I was being there and breathing the same cold air with my dear book characters. I grew up reading about these people, I felt what Kundera felt, I was dreaming about them back home in Tbilisi sitting on my orange couch, reading, reading and then writing endlessly... This trip was most nostalgic and sad for me. Prague reminded me of Tbilisi a little and made me realize that I am lonely. Lonely in sense of belonging to no place, finding no serenity anywhere and always fading.

This journey showed me who I really am, and it scared me.
In a good way though. I am a human. Oh, so human.

The friend of mine tried to realize why was I sad and felt so odd. I could not tell. Sometimes I become numb. I only feel what I feel and cannot explain.

I just need to know there are eyes caring about me.
Eyes. Hands. Mind. Heart. Soul and everything. Everything. I need to have it all.
It is not only about Prague - it is about me and my state of mind.

Friday, December 11, 2009

נס גדול היה שם


נס גדול היה שם

I don't know what's a miracle for you.
It is the sunshine in the morning, it is the girls of midrasha :)
I am the miracle :)
I don't like typical miracles, because for me life is miracle itself.

You know what I learned today from this amazing girl Ella?
One should accept any result it gets because it is from Hashem, whether it's good or bad.
Only then we'll be able to be happy, really happy.
What makes us miserable is the feeling of weakness, solitude - when we fail and think that G-d has forsaken us... that's when melancholy comes and win over us... at least it comes to me quite often.
I'm starting to work on it right away!!!
My new friend Ella is the miracle for me, and I thank G-d for the people I get a chance to meet and become better person myself.

P.S. I did actually :) I spoke to rav Roberg. So my yetzer ara is happy as ever ;)

CHANUKA SAMEACH EVERYONE!!!

BE HAPPY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE GOT! I AM SURE YOU HAVE GOT ALL YOU NEED!