I Will Try To Like You

I want to like people.
I've always been saying that I love people, but sometimes I don't.
And I judge others a lot. Not aloud obviously, but just for myself.
I judge and label people by the way they talk, dress, walk... I judge their education, their manners... I even snob people, who seem to be shallow and stupid.
Who am I to judge though? Why?

Then I realise, probably others judge me too. People probably dislike the way I talk, laugh, dress, wrap my head, express my opinions...
And then it gets easier :-D
I mean, we're all human. All we can do is to strive to become better person.
Once you don't take yourself very seriously and laugh at some traits you have, you stop judging others and begin to accept them the way they are (or just ignore them?).

You don't have to change the world, but yourself and the world will change eventually. I am not the first to say this, but it feels good I came to this at some point.

So, friends and foes, haha, don't get too nervous about yourselves! I still like you (or not much) no matter what. I will try not to judge you, I will, bezrat Hashem, because I do not know what is going on in your hearts and what struggle you are having.

I will just focus to improve my myself.

May this be a little step forward for this month of Elul and elevating for Rosh Hashanah.

Love,

Sophie

When You Don't Need Any Title Here

This blog used to have a subtitle: Girl With Post Soviet Trauma if you remember.

I am still that girl (rather big strong woman like on this picture).

I am tired.
I mean, really tired emotionally. I want to hug my babies and sleep, sleep, sleep until the world is a better place.
So childish, I know, it even makes me little sick, but I am being very honest.

I miss my friends, I miss my country and the feeling of a motherland.
Not Home though. My Home is where my family is, but the land, I was born, grew up, lived, loved, learned is so very far from me, not only in distance, but mentally too.
I have less and less common with my Georgia, with my friends and relatives there. All I have left is the love for the old memories, I guess. My mum says, it's fine and once you have your own family, you cannot keep up with your old life.

I cannot indeed.

Does it make me sad? Not really.

I am just tired.
And I wish I had a homeland - calm, stable and welcoming back its people.

I am not one of its people anymore, and probably never was either.

You'd tell me, hey, there's your Eretz Yisroel (intentionally writing in an Ashkenazic manner), don't you adore it?
I DO!!! That's where my soul belongs to, that's where my heart and roots are, but it's hard, when I've never lived there, I don't speak Yivrit as fluently as Georgian obviously, and my childhood was spent not there.

Yes, childhood - that must be it.

This Easy Tuesday When I Went And Wore an almost Hijab

I usually don't like posting photos, but this one is going to be an exception. I felt so good today in this clothes, especially the scarf (bough at "Strauss" last Summer). I wore it a little "almost liberal hijab style" and definitely got many looks, some suspicious, some - complimenting, some - hateful and some - indifferent.
I have very long hands, I know (although I am only 165 cm, my limbs are really long and most people have optical illusion of me being quite tall, which is very nice to hear). And my hand palms have become quite rough and large as well since I've got family and do all the household stuff.
When I was young, I probably would've looked down on someone who had rough hands, or wrinkles, or grey hair. Not that I was ageist or something, no I was a very normal young person, who thought she'd be as young and carefree forever as she was then. Now looking at this photo of mine, I realise how I have changed, how my opinions have been transformed into something else, and baruch Hashem, I have become more tolerant, more understanding and more respectful to those, who work hard, especially for their family.

So here's to those strong women, who make the world/family go round. The real eshet chayils, who work day and night, who defeat their egos and put their husbands, children, parents, in-laws first.
I am still working, trying hard not to be selfish, not to get upset when I don't get what I want, because that only makes me stronger (but no-one realises that at the first place, does it?).

Western culture and today's world are so focused on oneself, shoving their ideas on us: be yourself, do what you want, you deserve the best, you are the best, be who you are, do what you want...
Scary. Do you understand how dangerous those slogans are? What does "be yourself" and "do what you want" mean? Then they bomb us with advertisements, man made images, false ideas and ideals, wrong role models, and still "wish we were ourselves".
No, I don't want that!

I want to be better tomorrow than I am today, which will be different myself and this means, I can't be myself all the time, only fools can be.

I won't do what I want either, because I may want to eat all that 500 grams of Ben & Jerry's ice cream with caramel filled chocolate chips (pure temptation), which I could do in a blink of an eye without even sharing with anyone, but I will not. It's not okay. Let alone it's not okay to eat so much sugar, it's all about managing your desires, your weaknesses and directing it in a way that would be proper. Children, plus sharing is caring, really.

I hope and wish I get more will power and strength to fight my weaknesses, get over my fears and let myself be the better self as possible. Amen!

1% of Me

I've been messing blogging since 2009 I guess and this poor old blog has seen a lot.

I hoped I'd homeschool, but I don't. I unschool though. Because I hate school rules, I don't like putting all the children in a same row. And I hate educational system of the world. Yes, of the whole world.
The best education child can receive is home: loving, warm, caring and comfortable home, where parents pay attention to children, never scold them, only rebuke a bit for their own sake. Mostly praise and motivate them to do good. And it works: child is and will be exactly what its parents say to that child. If you keep telling your child how stubborn and/or aggressive he is, be sure he will be that way. When you mostly focus on his positive middos, cherish his determination and direct it to the way of love, you won't go wrong. 
This is our parenting or schooling, whatever you may call, in a nutshell.

Since I don't put my children's photos on internet and try to write only general stuff about them, I realised, this blog is not and cannot be a mum blog. Because I don't want to.

Yes, I am mum 99%, but the 1% that is left, that 1% of Sophie, who loves to look around and see the sun, read books and people, learn languages and cultures, explore lives and loves, wants this blog to be her getaway place.
I want this blog to be little quiet place, where I'll come and ramble not about the things I do, but what I think too.

I hope you don't mind, do you? :-)

מזל טוב, עזרא!!!

My firstborn is 3 since Pessach. It's such an emotional age for me. I feel as if I had him yesterday, little baby with long fingers and thin legs. My first baby, who rocked my world and changed me for good.
My Ezra - little helper with big heart and mind.
My Ezra, the one and only Ezra in the world (for me of course)!!!

Baruch Hashem for him, baruch Hashem for my second born too. Baruch Hashem for everything. Thank You, G-d! Be our guide as always!
May there be peace and joy in the world. May no child experiences pain or loss, may children be happy and carefree knowing there are their mums and dads waiting for them, never letting them down.

I wish health to my big boy, then will power to overcome yetzer hara and never stop developing his good midos (character traits). May you be as great as your namesake Ezra and take us out of galus with your dear brother Aaron, who has this lovely name not by coincidence at all :-)
אמן!!!

Fresh Re-Start

I haven't been blogging quite a while. I have been doing some thinking and analysing to where I want to take this blog. Do I really need it at all? Does it make any sense and does anyone need to read it?
Funnily, I answered to all questions with almost NO.

And today I figured out I want to make some changes. I've changed this old blog's URL, as well as title and I hope I could write more from now on.
I am thinking of making podcasts and video posts every once in a while. All I have to do is to order my Blue Microphone, wrap a lovely tichel around my head and get down to work.

I hope it goes well.

For the new start I shall re-introduce myself:
I am Sophie, mum of two boys, living in Europe, where it's cold, and hostile to people of my faith.
I've studied Journalism and Social Psychology. Worked on the radio, wrote some crap for papers, did translations, even touristic business got me once and then, one day, right after I turned 25, I realised only thing I longed was family. 
Because I had never felt like home anywhere before, never cared for somebody enough to cover my hair and learn how to knead a dough. Never believed in any particular religion, but The Creator.
But I always liked children and they liked me back a lot.

So one brought another, and another, and another,
and here I am:

Mama Sophie - sunny, funny, witty Hausfrau of 30, homeschooling, bread baking, hat knitting, who strongly believes we should never compare our life to others' because we all have what we can handle.

Since I claim to be a homeschooling mum, I'll cover it a little bit too.
My sons are almost 3 and 1 years old, which qualify them mostly for Kindergarten, but I do not like any children institution, I am sorry, I believe they measure everyone same and never really pay attention individually. So I stay home with them and am being a mum like any other one.
I wish I could homeschool longer, but it is not allowed in the country we live, I only get to keep my babies under my wing until they have to go to school (3-5 years to go).
Until then, I hope to instill strong will in my children, so they can resist the system that tries to fit everyone in the same box.

My very homeschooling is all about playing, singing, drawing, baking and running :-D because nobody runs as much as mothers do all day long.

Rock On, Mamas!!!