Sunday, November 29, 2009

To Walk The Docks

[Bridge to the Antwerp docks. Belgium, October '09]

Wanted to write to you with a few more impressions of Antwerp. (...) Well, these docks are one huge Japonaiserie, fantastic, singular, strange — at least so one can see them. I’d like to walk with you there to find out whether we look at things the same way...' - Vincent Van Gogh

I can tell what Van Gogh felt walking in Antwerp, and looking for someone to walk and share its thoughts with him. Then I thought for myself - would I like to walk someone in Antwerp to find out whether we look at things the same way? I don't know. Sometimes I just love walking alone and looking at things the way only I see. The reason may be the following: at this very period of my life I have nobody to walk in Antwerp, either in Berlin :) I think I'm on my way of finding the way of my future life, what I really really want and who I want to be with. Imagine, if you date/marry someone and you realize that it's not the one you wanted to walk the docks and see things together.

It's so ironic - as you grow older you become self-confident, but your fears and insecurities grew with you too. What one can do? No need to answer. Just let me find out by myself [and with G-d's help].

Thursday, November 26, 2009

"New York, I Love You!"


Can't wait to see this movie. I'm sure it's gonna be next hollywood cliche one, but it's always interesting how they show religious life. More or less I know the idea of it. A religious girl gets bored of her life and decides to 'find' her other way...

I'm just curious to see Natalie Portman wearing a wig and kosher clothes. She looks lovely, doesn't she? I live among kosher women and truly appreciate their attitude. This life is much more interesting and colourful than anyone could ever think.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

'Fun Enough'


I love my name.
Rather, I'm obsessed with it. It's not a very humble way to say that I want to have my own bakery, or a shop: "Sophie's", "The Sophie Golden Shop', "Sophie Golden's". I've been always hiding my true calling you know. I'd love to have my own colorful bakery, serve people, talk with them and all. My mother would say, 'so do your master's and become professional psychoanalyst!' Ok, I'll do that, but I'd love to do something different, walk and talk, and smile and have fun - when I see there's no fun, I can't do.

I'll be 25 in a month and I still can't get enough of fun :|

P.S. My curly hair is back - I washed it in the morning, and I still feel real-sophie-goldenish. Curls just express my personality you know, that's why it is so difficult for me to change the haircut.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Morning glory... What???


I was supposed to wake up at 07:15 but my room-mate's alarm clock just knocked me out earlier, ghr!!!
Had a chavruta with Leah and I was half asleep.
Oh!
And we have a test today in Halacha, what a wonderful day! :|
I hate tests, it reminds me of school and school was so boring, and senseless to me. Teachers wanted every kid to be the clone of the other and it drove me mad, really.
Oh, hell.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Rocking Sunday

Remember my post of the last Sunday? It was so dull and boring. Thank G-d, this Sunday came out different. I had a morning chavruta with Leah and then we all had a lesson of the jewish history with Elisheva. It was so interesting, we discussed about 'Kamtza and Bar Kamtza' issue. You know my opinion over this stuff - I don't believe in this 'BE FRUM' thing. It does not matter whether you're religious or not - as long as you forget to treat people nice.

Yesterday rabbi Rose mentioned that when you speak about Torah with women, you need to focus on different things while speaking with men you should take different approach. I did not really understand that, but today when we started discussion on Elisheva's lesson, I really saw the difference between men and us :lol: (well, it's taken quite long, Soph!) What kind of difference? Women obey rules easier, it is written? Ok, than we do according them. And I like men ;) I like learning, discovering new things and discussing, it is so refreshing and interesting rather than reading and writing it down to pass an exam. So, I had a nice day, Baruch Hashem. In the evening I went out with the girls to the Bundestag, we went inside, saw the night city view, walked here and there, and got home.

Tomorrow's new day, Scarlett ;)

My new haircut

[By the way, my new haircut is weird - absolutely not my style. Well, I'm still thankful, it's a challenge, I should've seen myself as a woman-to-be, shouldn't I? :D]

Friday, November 20, 2009

Lucky number 8


I've never believed in signs, numbers, but I've always believed in luck.
I mean, you may do everything you can, but you can't push the Luck to be on your side. Call it fortune, fate - whatever, I believe in it. Hashem should help you with it.

I believe that G-d loves me a lot.
Everytime I need something it comes to me this way or another.

Well, yesterday we had to make a choice and take out the number (for the hair and make-up lady visit on Sunday) to reveal the winner of the free hairdo and make-up. Girls started saying: 5, 7, 4, 10... Suddenly I remembered that number 8 is quite symbolic in Judaism, so I asked them to take the number 8. Everyone agreed, I'm sure they thought the same about it. But - under this number was only my name, Baruch Hashem! YEAH!!! My very name. I am the winner of the free makeover.

You know I love experiments, but now my hair desperately needs to get beauty treat anyways. Thus, G-d helped me. I don't care if someone call it just a coincidence, or Newton-Archimede's principles. I know Lord is always with me and helps me in even such not-so-important issues. On my georgian blog, I wrote about Woody Allen's 'Match point', where he's talking about the power/luck which makes tennis ball bounce over the net or fall right out of it. In tennis they call it luck, when ball touches the net and falls over, and what do you think I'd call my hair-thing?

Have a great Shabbat!!!

(Don't forget, G-d is everywhere!)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Eli7's B-day

Our snacks

Yesterday our madricha Elisheva had a birthday. She's really sweet person, always there for us, full of energy and fun. It happened to be Rosh Chodesh on the same day, so we couldn't let this day pass without celebrating.
Leah made a cake, we also had chocolate fondue - so delicious... mmmmmmm... crackers, cookies, fruits and all. Then Zsolt Balla and his wife Marina joined us. He played guitar with Keren, who plays Domra, this weird russian national instrument. You can even watch the video I made yesterday.
At 11 party was almost over... almost - because Dvora and I decided to dance and have fun. You know I'm fond of dancing or rather sliding on the floor and be happily crazy or crazily happy :D

So, I wish all the best to Elisheva, and to the other girls too!!! I love being here in this cold and scary Germany, I feel I should be here now. It's the right time and place to me, G-d willing.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

"BUG" Named SOPHIE


I think I bug people with my theories about kindness, true beauty, sunny smile and etc. What can I do, man? I really believe in all that, I wake up and go to bed thinking about kindness, smile and all;
Today I gave a 'Dvar Torah' (speech) before Minchah for the girls. I talked about Hillel and Shammai in Pirkei Avot, about their arguments about priorities, simply say, what one should do first - study and love people or love people and then study?

So I gave my personal example of Ba'ale T'Shuva, who has come to Judaism just a year ago. I've become much better person after this year, but my basic beliefs and character haven't really changed. I am what I always was. I just got more knowledge, 've become patient and nicer, but not something miraculous, if you know what I mean. So, I said that it's not about how much you learn, but how dedicated you are to the people around, because if G-d wanted us only for praying to Him, He would have placed us on separated islands and we all would lived far from each other. Instead Hashem created nations, communities, families to live with other people and make relationships.
In other words, He created the world for us and us for the world!
Chodesh tov everyone!!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

SUNDAY

It doesn't rain - just feels like it does

It's been such a lonely day, really.
I had only 2 lessons in the morning, plus german with Genia and the 2 other girls.
Then had a dinner and old apple pies, I still like them.
Midrasha is empty and dirty after Shabbat party. Girls sleep all day long.
I walk alone :| then blog, tweet/twit, facebook, skype...
I even painted the Sun on the blackboard to look at it and feel like it's warm.
Actually there was quite sunny and nice weather in Berlin today. But it's not the weather that makes the sun shine, you know :(

Litening to Chopin and feel sleepy...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

SMILE!

Beautiful midrasha girls in Antwerp for Sukkot

Yesterday we had a great guest speaker Chaya Levine, councellor from Israel. She's originally from the Usa, amazing personality. She spoke about foremother Sarah and her beauty. When she asked why does everyone want to be beautiful, no-one could answer. Maybe because we all live in a different place than the whole world - midrasha in Berlin, separated from the vanity and all. We all feel beautiful and don't really care about the world standards. Anyways, I said that probably beauty is that what shines out from inside and you can see it in one's eyes. You know what I mean.

Ok, I've always known that I am beautiful, at least I'm quite cute. It seems that beauty was created by G-d to bring us joy, with beauty we cheer others, we attract people in a good way and make them feel comfortable. For me beautiful person is the one, who smiles and never forgets to greet others. It means that beauty's not only a material thing, but something deep and great, like of that Sarah Imeinu had got.

So Chaya agreed. True beauty is in the way one behaves - with modesty, dignity and recognition that all is given by G-d.

I love shiurs like this. I'd love to be a councellor myself one day, it's so excited talking with the girls, sharing your experience and looking into their eyes and see how beautiful they are.

Most important thing for me was her words: "Smile is a mitzvah!"
You know I'm so fond of smiling, but since yesterday I've been smiling lot more with all my heart, because I can feel I'm doing right thing and cheering up others who'd like to be smiled :)

SMILE & FEEL HAPPY!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Not me

Sometimes I do such a crazy things I can't recognize myself.
Like I talk to someone online and I know I should not be 'cos it doesn't make sense. But the problem is that this senselessness attracts me and I become 'me'. Kind of creep, you know, or you don't :P

Today I happened to see Radiohead's 'Creep' and remembered the winter of 2005. What a crazy winter it was, man! I just can't forget. I had so much fun and pain at the same time. I don't know whether I'm grateful or not now, but I think it might not be right but it was ok. I've learnt a lot. Dreams may harm one's mentality, but inspire for poetry and etc.

I love creep.
I love the feeling of it. Of creepyness, of hidden creepyness inside bright sunny smile and fair hair, like that of Thom Yorke's ;)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

ANTIBIOTICS against all stupid viruses

I just like this picture of cherokees, don't you?

It's not difficult to drive world crazy, is it?
All these viruses, flus spread in the world so fast you can't even notice.
Our teacher Olga keeps reminding us to wash hands everytime we can, open windows and let fresh air in, drink as much liquid as possible, eat garlic and lemon.

I've never feared any viruses or stuff, but today it was too much for me. Everyone smells of garlic, people stay away from hugging and the world is rushing up and down. I don't care if my phrases are not correct whatsoever =)) I'm just having fun while posting you know that.

So, now I'm having huge cup of hot water with honey and lemon juice inside. Plus I've already washed my hands 30 times :| haven't hugged anyone for ages. Ok, I can't eat garlic even if I die and swine kicks me off, G-d forbid. So, I'd rather go and have a walk - that's my antibiotic for anything from nervous breakdown to the flu ;))

I hope we'll get over it and be healthy like buffalos (as old georgian saying goes).

Monday, November 2, 2009

Something I'll never be


I've always wanted to be a hippie, you know that?
Today I was looking at the pictures of Michelle Phillips of 'The mamas and the papas' and realized that I wish I was born at that times, but I'm not sure whether I'd dared to become the flower child. Not everyone in 60's was hippie.

I just like the idea of it, of that crazy freedom, flowers, colourful dresses and long blonde hair.
One always dreams of something she'll never be. Because I never dream, I just act... and if I dream, it means that I have no guts to do it.

It's rainy and freezing Monday in Berlin. Suddenly I wish I could go out and walk with my friend Chili, drink hot tea and talk about poetry and this impossible life, where you seem to find the way, but it slips away and you keep on searching. Maybe it's just as it should be, who am I to know.

I'm just Franny lost in the rye.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Back to CCCP

Me and my friends went out today after Shabbat. We went to this awkward place named CCCP in East Berlin. It was nothing like USSR actually; people dressed up in Halloween masks and all. Barwoman wore such a short skirt you could see her underpants. I was unease and our company wasn't that friendly so to speak. But after a while, we started to talk about my favorite american literature; and now I started missing my 'Franny and Zooey', Holden, Seymour...
I still have to read more. I can't wait to get back in Tbilisi and grab as many books as possible.
I love intellectual people, but not like snobbish ones, who doesn't let you to express your opinion and keep talking about some 'Grand' names. Ok, we all know Tolstoy's genius :| I like open-minded people, who can listen as good as talk. That's quite rare though, you know.

I really wish I had conversations like this often, because I feel like I'm becoming too humble and close myself from outside world. I don't know whether it's good or bad, but I really thirst for the literature right now. I need to think, to dream, to write and analyze things that are going on in my life.

Have a great week!