Don't let anyone bring you down

We had this conversation on Shabbat about being foreigner and its advantages. One girl said that it's really cool because nobody labels you and no-one tells you what you should have achieved so far. Then we discussed the choice of our lives to be observant Jews and keeping all the commandments. I said that all of us have come to this point of life when everyone understood lifechange was necessary so what is the better place than our midrasha? This girl agreed and added that it is still very difficult to define what one wants and if one chooses the right thing for the reality is different from as we imagine it.
Ok. What did I answer? You know me. I did not hesitate and said that WE MAKE OUR REALITY, and I personally don't let the system get me down if you know what I mean. Life is what you make it, isn't it?

And today I found this book in the Midrasha library, "Let's face it" by Tzipporah Heller and Sara Yocheved Rigler. Even though I am not very fond of this kind of books, I liked lots of ideas in it. One of the issues was exactly 'my' subject of making one's own world and reality. Nobody is saying that you should separate yourself from the society or public life, but you should not let anything spoil your goals and belief. Imagine if Jews have ever surrendered, where could've led it us anyway? NOWHERE!!!

So don't let anyone say that you are old-fashioned, or too smart (been through this), don't let anyone bring you down just because you don't fit in a popular culture frame!!! Just believe in One G-d, and your abilities of changing yourselves and the world you are living in!
I believe. I always have, Baruch Hashem!!!
Of course I am not constantly happy; get sad and get lots of problems to solve, but in the end of the day I know WHO I stand with and WHAT I stand for.

Quote of the day

Imperfection is beauty. Madness is genius. And its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.

Marilyn Monroe

Soul Asylum

My mother hates this kind of guys. She says they look like drug addicted and irresponsible British rock stars :lol: even though these b^&(s are from the US and I love this song. Runaway train, that used to be me. The love I ever felt was for this kind of train and gosh, what use can train have if it is not running away?

Runaway

Seymour Glass is the only suicidal man I love. And you know why did he do it? Because he had seen it all, he had loved people, read all the books, and just decided to go there where he would feel better. I think I would never be friends with Seymour for I would have fallen in for him and could've not noticed his deep spirituality. I am designed for Buddy who is crazy, witty and little clumsy comparing to Seymour.

Anyway (say it in New Zealandish accent), Monday's fading away and what I have learned today is that life is not causal, damn it, it is rough. I posted about Drew Barrymore on my Georgian blog, about her sad eyes in her new movie "Going the distance" and what I mostly wrote about her was meant for myself.

Seriously, I looked in the mirror yesterday and it was some strange woman looking at me with her red eyes and crazy hair (need to dye soon).
Although I look very fine on the photos even I could have not guessed what's wrong with me, but there is something wrong. I feel like a mouse in a cage, you know the one that is running, running and still remains there?
Because right now I don't know where to run. I have no particular place to call home :| For I do not feel home anywhere :/ As my old story's character Sunny would have said: 'Nothing is worse than being a flower cut off its roots and placed in a vase.'
Yes, I still miss my Georgia very much.

Looking into the dark

Looking out the window today I realized that I am afraid
Afraid of something I am not.
Not what others want me to
To be supersmart.
Supersmart who is so tired of people looking.
Looking into the dark and seeing the same face
Face that is getting old day by day.
Days change into the nights
Nights were never my favourite.

I thought I could not write anymore.
Thank G-d I can.

(Ane Brun on the photo)

Le Fille Sur Le Pont

Daniel Auteuil and Vanessa Paradis in "Le Fille Sur Le Pont" (Girl on the bridge)

Oh, it's Tuesday which means tomorrow is Wednesday, then Thursday and soon Friday. Friday counts as Shabbat. And Shabbat means home cooked food, interesting conversation with the host family and no connection to any electric stuff. What a righteous person I am, gosh. Well, you know my spirituality, if I always talk about it you'll go crazy so let me be funny and shallow tonight. I sound like blonde :D

Daryl Hannah

This week is being quite good actually. Don't feel sleepy anymore, but have been thinking about this crazy T-shirt Daryl Hannah wore back in 90's. It's absolutely crazy but I see old men and think, hell, do they also need love? Probably they do :/

Winona Ryder and Richard Gere in "Autumn in New York"

I admit that I like men with little grey hair like of that Richard Gere or most amazing French actor Daniel Auteuil who has performed millions of different roles in French movies and still is so unique with his "adrienbrodyish" nose and grey hair. I've learned that women have different attitudes (if you say so, Soph) between and during their period cycles. That is world known fact that women depend on the Moon more than any other human being. So I should go and check out where the moon is standing right now. For it really makes me wonder why have I started to think about dirty old men's love problems? Who cares. I know no old man, do I? At least no-one with grey hair like Richard Gere. Oh my! I wish I did.
Dear Doctor Freud, can I come in? ;)

To Teddy and David

Sometimes I feel like all the Salinger characters taken together: Holden, Seymour, Teddy, Franny, Buddy... Gosh.
I did not go to the Smiths' today. I did not feel well, I wanted to stay home, have beer and read something from Salinger. I had missed him.

So I reread "Teddy". You know what kills me in it? Episode when Teddy's talking to the big guy and tells him how he found out about G-d's existence: He was 6 and saw his sister drinking milk. So he realized there must have been God in that milk and in his sister too. I just could not read it without my heart trying to jump out my chest. Boy, is Teddy amazing!
I don't know when I realized there was G-d. I think I was younger and my nanny read a story of David and Goliath to me - so I thought there should have been SOMEONE who would dwell in David's heart and mind to encourage him to defeat the huge enemy.

I think Teddy and I had the same experience, he saw God in the milk and I saw Him in 'little' David's heart which probably was trying to jump out as mine did today while reading "Teddy".

After reading it I could not stay in my room anymore. So I went downstairs at the Garretts' (this lovely young couple from the States). She was cooking for Shabbos with Rachel and I wasn't in time I guess. I walked here and there, said this and that, and I was about to leave when I decided to tell the story of Teddy to Michal and Rachel. That's how our conversation started. She told me how she feels about G-d, then her husband came home and we asked his opinion for he is very intelligent person. But he's a rabbi-to-be and I don't feel very comfortable speaking out my mind with him.

When I left I felt little sad. What if I should have not brought up "Teddy" at all? I am afraid that people will think of me as this smart but crazy person who reads Salinger like mad and sees G-d in the milk and David's heart. The problem is that I am little crazy and I would have never had this personality that I have now without reading Biblical stories in my childhood and Salinger in my adolescence.

But this is not all.
After leaving the Garretts' apartment I logged on Facebook and saw Rebekka's message. She sent me the link to her blog. Man! She is just unbelievable or I just want her to be so. She might be reminding me of my "Holden Caulfield" childhood and all those things that used to inspire me. Whatever it is I could never imagine that it was possible to have such thoughts and be able to express them so well.

I had a wonderful day I have to say.
Day full of learning, thinking and finding Teddy in my room dwelling in the book and waiting for me to open it up. So I did.

November Rain & French Breakfast

It has just started to rain. Yes, my first November rain of the year. Axl Rose would've loved it. Maybe he still does. But now I'm listening to Martina McBride.

This rain makes me want to run away to Paris. I have this crazy idea of French Breakfast with someone who I could talk to and laugh out my guts. It is not even about having breakfast with the character of my novels you know. Or maybe it is :/