Friday, October 29, 2010

Wishlist of the people to talk to


This week has been pretty good. I've been learning "Shmuel" (Prophet Samuel's book), Kings' and been thinking how amazing should King Solomon had been.
Do you know what amazes me? That he had so many wives and women slaves.
No wonder all his wives were happy, even the 700th one. Although I think he could not know all of them in person because logically he would not have time to have relationship with everyone. There are much less days in a year than the quantity of his wives and women slaves in general.
In addition with that King Solomon was a great ruler and composed amazing writings. He just could not had had the time for all.

So now it explains my worries about polygamy.

Can you imagine to be someone's 700th wife? I can't. I would have killed them all total 699, and then would choke my husband with too much love.

But King Shlomo was THE King Shlomo and not the boy next door. There has never been a man like him and I very much doubt that there will ever be.

You know I have a list of the Biblical characters who I would like to meet and now King Solomon is the leader of it. There are Jacob, Moses, Judith, Ruth, Sarah, King David and Ibn Ezra (he is not Biblical figure though) also in the list. Sometimes I wish so much I could meet one of them and talk. I believe they would understand my points of view - people never change even from the times of Abraham and Sarah; human heart and soul stay the same, it's just the environment that changes.

SHABBAT SHALOM!!!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

My Important Life

I can't write as I used to. I think I get so tired and overwhelmed during the day that I have no emotions left to write them down afterwards.

Waking up in the morning, davening, breakfast and shiurim (lectures) right away. Then 4 hours break and shiurim again. Sometimes I find myself in a situation when I can't even think. I had a conversation with Pessy (former madricha from Israel) the other day and we came to this conclusion: the seminary environment is not natural. Our life is not what real life is. We're having intense trainings all day long and at night when we go to sleep, we sleep like logs. All these days we spend in here are full of emotions which develop inside and often we forget the outside. You know what I mean? I don't know if we forget and who is this "we", gosh. I should only speak about myself. Ok, I forget. Then I demand love and understanding from others without realizing that my point of view is not universal as well as my education. Others haven't got the opportunities I have had in my life or not all of them were brought up with Biblical stories about little brave David shooting Goliath off. And even if some people had had that opportunity - not everyone uses it as I do. That's how I try to cope with problems inside my mentality and seminary life as it is. I keep telling myself: Sophie, you're what you are but others don't (can't) have to be as you want them to be.

There are days when I feel so tired and emotionally exhausted that I think I'm going to break down. But then the shiurim again inspire and give strength to climb up the mountain called: Torah learning.

Oh, LORD!
"...may my life be important in the eyes of Hashem, and may He save me from all misfortune." (Samuel I)

Monday, October 18, 2010

Dreaming about Dodge Challenger

Dedicated to all the stunt women in the world

Zoe doing most crazy stunt job

Zoe also doubled Uma Thurman and Vivika A. Fox in "Kill Bill"

My late love is Zoe Bell, the toughest stunt woman from New Zealand. She just rocks in Quentin Tarantino's "Death Proof". Man, does she kick ass! Plus she has this harsh voice with super lovely New Zealand accent. Gosh. Why wasn't I born over there?

My baby Dodge Challenger 1971

"Evil Mike" by Kurt Russell

Rosario playing Abernathy Ross

Anyway. Zoe Bell is one of the reasons I watched "Death Proof". I've never been Tarantino's big fan, but have to admit that he's got a huge mind.
This movie has it all: action, music, crazy girls, Kurt Russell playing evil guy; Rosario Dawson has the best monologues, and she's so natural. I've always loved her. I mean everyone is cool in this movie as Tarantino himself. You know sometimes you just need to get on top and ride the dodge challenger like these girls do.
Oh, if I ever drive a car it should be JUST that, you hear?

Friday, October 15, 2010

Puppy love

Sharon Osbourne

Drew Barrymore as Sharon Osbourne on SNL - she's way too cute for sure.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Like an Apple

Tea for one

I still haven't learned to keep calm when people do not behave well. I don't show it, I just leave the room and walk to and fro until my anger passes away. Today I felt that I was so small like an apple. It is always a problem. Feeling small and helpless. Miriam Masha (The teacher) spoke about 'emmuna and bitachon' (faith and trust) today, and it sounded so familiar to me, but sometimes I forget it. I lose bitachon. When I lose it I lose myself as well. I become like some strange person walking in my body and the soul as a trapped animal. Imagine how is it to feel like you are an apple: green, fresh, juicy, but small.

Maybe I should visit a psychoanalyst at last and not to rely only on my own analysis. That's how it all starts - being an apple and then becoming Napoleon the Bonaparte ;) Ok, now I am joking.

I miss my home.
I miss things like coming back home from the University and buying bread.
I miss sitting in my kitchen in the morning, listening to the radio and writing.
It is not a regular missing. No. It is something different. Really.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

What's Going On?

What else can I say? Here is the song, here are the lyrics and here is my life. My 25 years of waking, sleeping and asking myself: What's goin' on???



25 years and my life is still
trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this
Brotherhood of man
For whatever that means
And so I cry somethimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out what's in my head
And I'm, I am feeling a little peculiar
So I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
What's goin' on
And I say hey....
And I say hey what's goin' on
And I say hey....
I said hey what's goin' on
Oooh....
Oooh....
And I try, oh my God do I try
I try all the time
In this institution
And I pray, oh my God do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution
And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out what's in my head
And I'm, I am feeling a little peculiar
So I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
What's goin'on
And I say hey...
And I say hey what's goin' on
And I say hey...
I said hey what's goin' on
And I say hey...
And I say hey what's goin' on
And I say hey...
I said hey what's goin' on
Oooh....
25 years and my life is still
trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination