Thursday, December 31, 2009

I know what I did last summer


I do not care who you are as long as I know who I am.
Throwing bull$%&(

I still:

  • drink hot milk in the morning
  • love Holden Caulfield
  • believe that I am beautiful
  • wish I could fly
  • know what I did last summer :)
  • have fun with my life

What do you still do???

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

PAY FOR ALL!


Yesterday I had those terrible thoughts - that once (or even twice) in a lifetime come to one's mind and eat it. About life, what have I achieved, where am I, what have I got??? What am I anyway???

Sometimes it bugs me so much.
I am 25, gosh.
And I am full of energy, full of positivity and all. But I still feel that I am stuck. I am not going to write some emo s$%^& here, but once you're a big girl - you have to be somewhere, you know. Most of girls of my age have either families and children or successful career.

I have none, can't hide it.
All I am is - socialist journalist and blogger who believed that would be a great TV presenter one day... who believed she would be a hot shot one day.

That One Day has not come yet.
I know I have plenty of time ahead, but I want it now - while I am young and f-ing restless.

You know what's my problem? I consider myself as a hot shot actually. I've always believed that I should've received anything for free and now I face the reality - gotta pay for all, Soph. FOR ALL!

P.S. And be careful with the priorities!!!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Winterdreaming


Just dreaming about the snow...
Oh how I wish I wake up in the morning and everything is white around!!!

Life is so empty without it.
It is like when you need love, you feel it, but can't see.
That is how I feel about the snow. I really do.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Letters


I love writing letters.
Love letters :D I'm such Tatiana Larina, gosh. I have written thousands of letters and burned them all... only some of them I have sent to their addressees.
Well, I am good at letters - whether it's romantic or formal e-mails. Maybe I should start a business - The Sophie Golden Letter Company, huh?

I write and then think, oh, why did I do that? It is so embarrassing in the end. But I feel relieved. It gives me strength and strange feeling of freedom. Of spiritual freedom, if you know what I mean.

Because I love people and want to show my affection to them. Man, I'm so full of positivity that am afraid to explode in the air one day :))) Can't even think why am I so positive. I have had such crazy life - not an easy one and still, as long as I can walk and talk, and feel the love of G-d, I'll be SUNNY, I promise.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Nothing particular

Previous post suits to this blog so much. I'm sure that enthusiasm will remain forever till I'm finished with my book.
I've been reading Salinger's stories this Shabbat and realized that I'm so influenced by him. Sometimes I use words he uses in his writings, sometimes I have the same mood with his characters, and above it all - Franny and Zooey are my best friends, if that makes sense to you. Because it does not for me. I mean, when I read Franny - I like her thoughts about egos and 'getting somewhere'; then I read Zooey's philosophy and I'm absolutely into him. Unbelievable, huh?

I'm off to watch 'Prozac nation' on youtube, could not find it anywhere else to download the high quality :(


I had a talk with Lilu about what I really need.
Yeah. Exactly. Party and vodka :P no kidding. And another movie like of that 'Love the hard way'.

Friday, December 25, 2009

A Writer


I've been trying to write a book since I was kid.
When I finished high school, I told my mum I did not want to go to university, but sit home and write a book. She looked at me puzzled then. What kind of book could a 17 years old girl write?
I did take a break after school, but did not write a book.
Yes, I have written some poems, novels, even published them somewhere, but it did not make me a writer.

Three years later I went to university, faculty of social and political sciences. This year majored in Journalism and minored in Psychology. During these 4 years I've been writing lots of things, made a blog and all, but still haven't got a book.

Now I am a big girl, 25 under my belt.
Isn't a time to write that precious book I've always wanted?

But when I look at my blog (especially georgian one), I see that half of my book is written there and all I have to do is to copy and correct a little. So I hope that I'll start writing my very book soon. Can't wait.

And then I could freely say - I am a writer (no-one will be able to give me a puzzled look saying: what kind of job is that?)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Kitten In My Pocket

Liz Taylor "Kitten In My Pocket"

Ok, it's my Birthday today, if you did not know yet :D

And I'm not going to write some philosophical stuff here like I do all the time. About where is "there"? Where is "he"?

I'm a big girl. I make decisions on my own. I live on my own. I chose the way of my life on my own.
Saying this I realize that all I have chosen is not just like that - everything that happened in my life has its particular reason. Yes, to challenge me and improve my personality.
Last year has been "revolutionary" for me, so to say. I've become observant religious, finished university, left for Berlin, studied in midrasha... Many things happened, many people came in my life, showed me different points of view...

And I'm still the same - Sophie SUNNY Golden - who loves black & white hollywood movies, Salinger's books, having fun with friends and in the end of the day - analyzes her life.
25 - is like you've never even thought before you'd go that far :) do you know what I mean? When I was younger I thought girls of that age were so old and they could not have fun any more. So wrong. Never felt better.

It's all in our head, you know - age, looks, silly stereotypes.

I just refuse to all of this and plan to go on with G-d's help.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

There. Where?


Sometimes you think you're already there. But don't know where. How can one be sure where exactly is "there"?

Sophie SUNNY Golden's late thoughts


Have downloaded 3 movies to watch & get freaky: "500 days of summer" with Zooey Deschanel & Joseph Gordon-Levitt; "Revolutionary road" with the couple of the 90's Kate Winslet & Leonardo Dicaprio, also couple of russian movies, one I already saw with Pavel Volya "Невеста любой ценой" ('Bride for any price') - total disaster, but Pasha's cool, you know.

It is very sunny weather in Tbilisi, although wind blows like mad. I hate wind.
I wish there was snow...

Monday, December 21, 2009

CHLOE

I love Chloe Sevigny.
She has this unexplainable beauty - face, eyes, nose and attitude. I love her roles in 'If these walls could talk 2', 'Broken glass', 'Boys don't cry' and many more. She's got this androgynous-kinda-attitude, which attracts you, doesn't it?


With Michelle Williams

Left to right: Macauley Culcin, ..., Chloe Sevigny, Natasha Lyonne

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Back Home

No matter how things are, there is always reason to be grateful to Hashem, even if only for the privilege of being a Jew and serving Him joyfully.

'Seeker of Slumbering Souls' - stories of the Baal Shem Tov


I'm back to Tbilisi. HEY YA!
Have arrived on Wednesday morning.
It feels so strange, you know. I do not remember what I was doing before I left for Berlin. What kind of person I was. As for now - I can tell I've become much patient and sunnier person, chasidish lass, as I call myself.

By the way I read The Baal Shem Tov stories this Shabbat. He must have been so sweet and lovely man. I wish I knew him. I love rabbis like that, you can talk to and feel open, like rabbi Meir Roberg too.

So, I thank G-d for everything I have got - for those amazing months in Berlin Midrasha, for the people I've met, for all that I've learned there. For my mum and amazing cousins here in Tbilisi.
I am happy!

P.S. Ella wrote to me on Facebook that it was snowing in Berlin this Shabbat and she remembered me :) Oh, how I wish I was there, I'd dance so much with joy and happiness, how great our Hashem is - snow is a wonder for me, as anything else (I pray to Hashem for the snow in Tbilisi... do pray for me girls please!)

Friday, December 18, 2009

MISSING MIDRASHA

Shabbat Shalom to the midrasha girls!!!
LOVE & HUGS!!!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Love Is Never Enough


With dearest Chana Rivka

With lovely rebetzin Leah Portnoy & her baby Emuna Brocha

Midrasha gals

I'm leaving for Tbilisi tomorrow.
I can not believe it. CAN YOU?
It feels like I've been here forever. Midrasha has become my life and these girls - important parts of it. I am excited to go home, but hope to come back very soon, bezrat Hashem.

How can I evaluate those 3 months I've been here?
I do not know.
They have been full of fun, love, joy, sun and TORAH LEARNING.
I've become much better person for sure.

And everything started from an e-mail I wrote to Josh, the boss of the place.
It was definitely the beginning of the changes and he made it happen.

I did not like Berlin at first - people were too cold for me, I could not find a friend to talk to... and now I have lots of girls around I can talk to. I got used to midrasha and living with 18 more girls, who have different characters, and they are all just amazing.

There was this community women chanuka party yesterday in midrasha. Paula, Louise and Keren played violins and keyboard, we had tasty food, children were all around... everyone was happy, smily and sweet. When I look at the pictures I took, I can see how my face shines and sparkles. All I ever wanted was - love love love! I always missed family feeling, and suddenly I feel that I belong here to this community. I was happy. I still am.
Even though I've always been loved, it was never enough if you know what I mean.
And I hope more love is coming on my way!!!

Thank you, dear Hashem!
And thanks to all my teachers at the Lauder Institution, best community ever.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Where I stand - after sunset


I stand still.
I stand on my feet.
I stand alone - mostly with G-d.
I stand and sit.
I stand.
Joni Mitchel did not know.
I do.
I guess, I do.

After sunset:
We were on Rykestrasse with the girls today when it started to snow. I went mad really. I ADORE THE SNOW. Everybody else started complaining - ooh, it's gonna be cold, wet... then I understood - I stand somewhere else. It's not the edge of the rye... it's my world, not necessarily sunny, it's just my world, you know. I went into the kitchen and danced with joy alone. May be I should think of becoming hassidish :D
In the evening the make-up lady came to midrasha again and gave free face treat and some girlie class about how to put shadows on your eyes. After my haircut I don't trust her, G-d forgive me, she just could not see my personality. Hello! Why should I hide my face, even though I have square face, eh? So she said. I love my hair - curly and wild.
She made up some girls... well, I preferred them before makeover...
You know who's my new favorite person in our community? Leah Portnoy - she's just so sweet, and smily and dear; been here for 3 months and no-one really greeted me with such sunny face before. I am so happy I met her.
It's -2:32 am. Gotta go to sleep for I have shiurs in the morning...

P.S. I saw a guy looking like Adam Levine of The Maroon 5 :D But he was so shallow and empty, if you know what I mean. He stood not there where I was standing.

Stand tall, Soph!

Friday, December 11, 2009

נס גדול היה שם


נס גדול היה שם

I don't know what's a miracle for you.
It is the sunshine in the morning, it is the girls of midrasha :)
I am the miracle :)
I don't like typical miracles, because for me life is miracle itself.

You know what I learned today from this amazing girl Ella?
One should accept any result it gets because it is from Hashem, whether it's good or bad.
Only then we'll be able to be happy, really happy.
What makes us miserable is the feeling of weakness, solitude - when we fail and think that G-d has forsaken us... that's when melancholy comes and win over us... at least it comes to me quite often.
I'm starting to work on it right away!!!
My new friend Ella is the miracle for me, and I thank G-d for the people I get a chance to meet and become better person myself.

P.S. I did actually :) I spoke to rav Roberg. So my yetzer ara is happy as ever ;)

CHANUKA SAMEACH EVERYONE!!!

BE HAPPY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE GOT! I AM SURE YOU HAVE GOT ALL YOU NEED!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Get up & act!

Yesterday I heard Meira and Genia's intellectual conversation-on-stairs about evolution.
I realized that I've never thought about that before.
And I don't care either.

I care about my character and personality. I have to talk to rav Roberg and I did not manage yet. Oh! It's stupid that I need to take time, think and only afterwards make move. I hate this word 'have to', it kills me :( and I know this is my yetzer ara, I'm trying to fight it and hope to win over it.

How can I believe in evolution when all I truly believe in is Hashem. My life's been one big gift and miracle given to me by him. Revolution? I did believe in it some time ago.
Evolution? Not for me.

I need more strength, modesty and 'kick' to get up and act for my good!!!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

All about winter nights, Holden C & Drew B

I just can't go to bed withouth posting anything here.
It's been a long day.
Actually day's not long, but night damn is.
I woke up at 08:30 am & felt like have slept for ages. That's why I like winter, night is always long and you can dream on without feeling guilty that you overslept or as it is.

Been searching for some interesting blogs. Found something, but I'm too sleepy to read now.
It's about Holden Caulfield.

DREW BARRYMORE

When I started to blog this very post, I meant to write about Drew Barrymore (but some like change subjects) - how inspiring she has been for me. I admire her courage, her wits and smile - always sunny. She's been through so much - drugs, alcohol, depression, and here she is - fresh, successful and recovered. I would have loved her either ways. Wanted to tell you that quote of hers I read the other day, but I have forgotten. She was talking about being risky and not to be scared of being embarrassed.
Can't say same about risks, but I've never backed off of getting embarrassed. Who cares as long as you feel "rufalicious"! :) Gotta see her movies (e.g. Never been kissed).
So, thank you Drew for being my muse and inspiration for life.
Thanks internet for being the engine of my inspirations.
Thanks everyone who reads it and thinks that I am 'the one' =))
HAVE A SWELL NIGHT (if that's possible)!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Мне ничего не надо...

I wish you could love Sergei Esenin as I do.
One has to read his lyrics and poems in original russian for sure. But if you ever try I'm sure you may find that fair curly boy in other languages too.
"Золото холодное луны,
Запах олеандра и левкоя.
Хорошо бродить среди покоя
Голубой и ласковой страны."
Here you can see the video from the Tv film 'Esenin' - amazing Sergei Bezrukov playing russian poet. I love them both.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

"Ordinary" Miracle

Rebbetzin Roberg with the midrasha girls - November '09

Had a great Shabbat..
On the second seuda we went to the Robergs', the sweetest couple ever. When I see rav Roberg, I really wish he was my grandpa. They live in Israel and come to Berlin once a month. When I went in the classroom this Wednesday and saw rav Roberg there, I almost run up and hug him :)) he's like this sweet old grandfather, you know. What about rebbetzin Roberg? She's just unbelieveable person - dear, smart, always smiling and giving us warm hugs. She never forgets any of us. Today, when I looked at the other girls during the lunch, it was amazing how their faces were shining really. Every girl smiled and you could see the happiness in their eyes. I've been in many families on Shabbat, but never seen something like that - each & every girl pleased. It would be such a blessing if I ever become rebetzin like her.

They both have been through Holocaust, but you would never say that. I mean, I've never seen any other Holocaust survivors, but I thought of them more of a depressed and closed people. I was wrong. Rebbetzin Roberg's family escaped the Nazi regime to Holland, but soon they invaded Netherlands too. So after her father was taken to the concentration camp, Dutch students that resisted Nazi invasion helped her mother to save her children, and little Rebetzin Roberg was given to a Catholic family to survive the war. Thanks to G-d, her parents survived the concentration camps and came back to collect their precious children. This part is really heart wrenching, if you imagine how hard it must have been to give your kids away not knowing you would see them again, and then search for them not to be sure of gaining them back. May nobody ever experiences that.
When she told her story, you could see that it was all about miracle. She never tells her story completely for it must be very hard to recall, but she loves Holland and its people, still speaks Dutch and even holds its citizenship to show her gratitude to the only nation that never gave in to the evil regime.
All of us have heard loads of stories about Holocaust, but it's always moving when you hear it from the person who had actually been there.
That is when I cry out again and again: Hashem has always been there and here too.

SHAVUA TOV!!! (I still can't stop being happy :) Why should I?)

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Just Listening


I know that people are different and I should not demand from everyone to be as I want them to be - like me :|
But why can't they be nicer? I prefer people who can be polite and smile even they don't feel that way. Why can't they just listen? People can't listen, it's unbelievable.

Today we had an amazing shiur with Olga Afanasev, she's just great. I wish more girls could attend her classes - because she just teaches us to listen others, to be compassionate, to be better person so to say. I'm not sure whether it helps or not, but I can see that the girls who come to this class have become friendlier and confident. So have I.
I've always been a listener, but sometimes it gets hard for me - only listening while others hate listening, or if they do listen, you can feel they do kind of favor to you. That's why I prefer to listen and then write, you know, at least I can be heard this way =))

Well, don't take this post too seriously, I'm just very tired, missed my mum, my home, my room, my bed, my kitchen, my sister Lilu - she's the one who can listen to me (and Dina for sure).

Ella, this sweet new girl in midrasha, said today: 'Hashem elokeinu, Hashem echad - that means He is not only One, but He's Unique - when you are sure of that, nothing can ever bring you down.' She's just wonderful person. Thanks for people like her I keep on sunny-ing!

He is Unique, and He is with me, I shall not fear!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

To Walk The Docks

[Bridge to the Antwerp docks. Belgium, October '09]

Wanted to write to you with a few more impressions of Antwerp. (...) Well, these docks are one huge Japonaiserie, fantastic, singular, strange — at least so one can see them. I’d like to walk with you there to find out whether we look at things the same way...' - Vincent Van Gogh

I can tell what Van Gogh felt walking in Antwerp, and looking for someone to walk and share its thoughts with him. Then I thought for myself - would I like to walk someone in Antwerp to find out whether we look at things the same way? I don't know. Sometimes I just love walking alone and looking at things the way only I see. The reason may be the following: at this very period of my life I have nobody to walk in Antwerp, either in Berlin :) I think I'm on my way of finding the way of my future life, what I really really want and who I want to be with. Imagine, if you date/marry someone and you realize that it's not the one you wanted to walk the docks and see things together.

It's so ironic - as you grow older you become self-confident, but your fears and insecurities grew with you too. What one can do? No need to answer. Just let me find out by myself [and with G-d's help].

Thursday, November 26, 2009

"New York, I Love You!"


Can't wait to see this movie. I'm sure it's gonna be next hollywood cliche one, but it's always interesting how they show religious life. More or less I know the idea of it. A religious girl gets bored of her life and decides to 'find' her other way...

I'm just curious to see Natalie Portman wearing a wig and kosher clothes. She looks lovely, doesn't she? I live among kosher women and truly appreciate their attitude. This life is much more interesting and colourful than anyone could ever think.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

'Fun Enough'


I love my name.
Rather, I'm obsessed with it. It's not a very humble way to say that I want to have my own bakery, or a shop: "Sophie's", "The Sophie Golden Shop', "Sophie Golden's". I've been always hiding my true calling you know. I'd love to have my own colorful bakery, serve people, talk with them and all. My mother would say, 'so do your master's and become professional psychoanalyst!' Ok, I'll do that, but I'd love to do something different, walk and talk, and smile and have fun - when I see there's no fun, I can't do.

I'll be 25 in a month and I still can't get enough of fun :|

P.S. My curly hair is back - I washed it in the morning, and I still feel real-sophie-goldenish. Curls just express my personality you know, that's why it is so difficult for me to change the haircut.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Morning glory... What???


I was supposed to wake up at 07:15 but my room-mate's alarm clock just knocked me out earlier, ghr!!!
Had a chavruta with Leah and I was half asleep.
Oh!
And we have a test today in Halacha, what a wonderful day! :|
I hate tests, it reminds me of school and school was so boring, and senseless to me. Teachers wanted every kid to be the clone of the other and it drove me mad, really.
Oh, hell.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Rocking Sunday

Remember my post of the last Sunday? It was so dull and boring. Thank G-d, this Sunday came out different. I had a morning chavruta with Leah and then we all had a lesson of the jewish history with Elisheva. It was so interesting, we discussed about 'Kamtza and Bar Kamtza' issue. You know my opinion over this stuff - I don't believe in this 'BE FRUM' thing. It does not matter whether you're religious or not - as long as you forget to treat people nice.

Yesterday rabbi Rose mentioned that when you speak about Torah with women, you need to focus on different things while speaking with men you should take different approach. I did not really understand that, but today when we started discussion on Elisheva's lesson, I really saw the difference between men and us :lol: (well, it's taken quite long, Soph!) What kind of difference? Women obey rules easier, it is written? Ok, than we do according them. And I like men ;) I like learning, discovering new things and discussing, it is so refreshing and interesting rather than reading and writing it down to pass an exam. So, I had a nice day, Baruch Hashem. In the evening I went out with the girls to the Bundestag, we went inside, saw the night city view, walked here and there, and got home.

Tomorrow's new day, Scarlett ;)

My new haircut

[By the way, my new haircut is weird - absolutely not my style. Well, I'm still thankful, it's a challenge, I should've seen myself as a woman-to-be, shouldn't I? :D]

Friday, November 20, 2009

Lucky number 8


I've never believed in signs, numbers, but I've always believed in luck.
I mean, you may do everything you can, but you can't push the Luck to be on your side. Call it fortune, fate - whatever, I believe in it. Hashem should help you with it.

I believe that G-d loves me a lot.
Everytime I need something it comes to me this way or another.

Well, yesterday we had to make a choice and take out the number (for the hair and make-up lady visit on Sunday) to reveal the winner of the free hairdo and make-up. Girls started saying: 5, 7, 4, 10... Suddenly I remembered that number 8 is quite symbolic in Judaism, so I asked them to take the number 8. Everyone agreed, I'm sure they thought the same about it. But - under this number was only my name, Baruch Hashem! YEAH!!! My very name. I am the winner of the free makeover.

You know I love experiments, but now my hair desperately needs to get beauty treat anyways. Thus, G-d helped me. I don't care if someone call it just a coincidence, or Newton-Archimede's principles. I know Lord is always with me and helps me in even such not-so-important issues. On my georgian blog, I wrote about Woody Allen's 'Match point', where he's talking about the power/luck which makes tennis ball bounce over the net or fall right out of it. In tennis they call it luck, when ball touches the net and falls over, and what do you think I'd call my hair-thing?

Have a great Shabbat!!!

(Don't forget, G-d is everywhere!)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Eli7's B-day

Our snacks

Yesterday our madricha Elisheva had a birthday. She's really sweet person, always there for us, full of energy and fun. It happened to be Rosh Chodesh on the same day, so we couldn't let this day pass without celebrating.
Leah made a cake, we also had chocolate fondue - so delicious... mmmmmmm... crackers, cookies, fruits and all. Then Zsolt Balla and his wife Marina joined us. He played guitar with Keren, who plays Domra, this weird russian national instrument. You can even watch the video I made yesterday.
At 11 party was almost over... almost - because Dvora and I decided to dance and have fun. You know I'm fond of dancing or rather sliding on the floor and be happily crazy or crazily happy :D

So, I wish all the best to Elisheva, and to the other girls too!!! I love being here in this cold and scary Germany, I feel I should be here now. It's the right time and place to me, G-d willing.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

"BUG" Named SOPHIE


I think I bug people with my theories about kindness, true beauty, sunny smile and etc. What can I do, man? I really believe in all that, I wake up and go to bed thinking about kindness, smile and all;
Today I gave a 'Dvar Torah' (speech) before Minchah for the girls. I talked about Hillel and Shammai in Pirkei Avot, about their arguments about priorities, simply say, what one should do first - study and love people or love people and then study?

So I gave my personal example of Ba'ale T'Shuva, who has come to Judaism just a year ago. I've become much better person after this year, but my basic beliefs and character haven't really changed. I am what I always was. I just got more knowledge, 've become patient and nicer, but not something miraculous, if you know what I mean. So, I said that it's not about how much you learn, but how dedicated you are to the people around, because if G-d wanted us only for praying to Him, He would have placed us on separated islands and we all would lived far from each other. Instead Hashem created nations, communities, families to live with other people and make relationships.
In other words, He created the world for us and us for the world!
Chodesh tov everyone!!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

SUNDAY

It doesn't rain - just feels like it does

It's been such a lonely day, really.
I had only 2 lessons in the morning, plus german with Genia and the 2 other girls.
Then had a dinner and old apple pies, I still like them.
Midrasha is empty and dirty after Shabbat party. Girls sleep all day long.
I walk alone :| then blog, tweet/twit, facebook, skype...
I even painted the Sun on the blackboard to look at it and feel like it's warm.
Actually there was quite sunny and nice weather in Berlin today. But it's not the weather that makes the sun shine, you know :(

Litening to Chopin and feel sleepy...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

SMILE!

Beautiful midrasha girls in Antwerp for Sukkot

Yesterday we had a great guest speaker Chaya Levine, councellor from Israel. She's originally from the Usa, amazing personality. She spoke about foremother Sarah and her beauty. When she asked why does everyone want to be beautiful, no-one could answer. Maybe because we all live in a different place than the whole world - midrasha in Berlin, separated from the vanity and all. We all feel beautiful and don't really care about the world standards. Anyways, I said that probably beauty is that what shines out from inside and you can see it in one's eyes. You know what I mean.

Ok, I've always known that I am beautiful, at least I'm quite cute. It seems that beauty was created by G-d to bring us joy, with beauty we cheer others, we attract people in a good way and make them feel comfortable. For me beautiful person is the one, who smiles and never forgets to greet others. It means that beauty's not only a material thing, but something deep and great, like of that Sarah Imeinu had got.

So Chaya agreed. True beauty is in the way one behaves - with modesty, dignity and recognition that all is given by G-d.

I love shiurs like this. I'd love to be a councellor myself one day, it's so excited talking with the girls, sharing your experience and looking into their eyes and see how beautiful they are.

Most important thing for me was her words: "Smile is a mitzvah!"
You know I'm so fond of smiling, but since yesterday I've been smiling lot more with all my heart, because I can feel I'm doing right thing and cheering up others who'd like to be smiled :)

SMILE & FEEL HAPPY!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Not me

Sometimes I do such a crazy things I can't recognize myself.
Like I talk to someone online and I know I should not be 'cos it doesn't make sense. But the problem is that this senselessness attracts me and I become 'me'. Kind of creep, you know, or you don't :P

Today I happened to see Radiohead's 'Creep' and remembered the winter of 2005. What a crazy winter it was, man! I just can't forget. I had so much fun and pain at the same time. I don't know whether I'm grateful or not now, but I think it might not be right but it was ok. I've learnt a lot. Dreams may harm one's mentality, but inspire for poetry and etc.

I love creep.
I love the feeling of it. Of creepyness, of hidden creepyness inside bright sunny smile and fair hair, like that of Thom Yorke's ;)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

ANTIBIOTICS against all stupid viruses

I just like this picture of cherokees, don't you?

It's not difficult to drive world crazy, is it?
All these viruses, flus spread in the world so fast you can't even notice.
Our teacher Olga keeps reminding us to wash hands everytime we can, open windows and let fresh air in, drink as much liquid as possible, eat garlic and lemon.

I've never feared any viruses or stuff, but today it was too much for me. Everyone smells of garlic, people stay away from hugging and the world is rushing up and down. I don't care if my phrases are not correct whatsoever =)) I'm just having fun while posting you know that.

So, now I'm having huge cup of hot water with honey and lemon juice inside. Plus I've already washed my hands 30 times :| haven't hugged anyone for ages. Ok, I can't eat garlic even if I die and swine kicks me off, G-d forbid. So, I'd rather go and have a walk - that's my antibiotic for anything from nervous breakdown to the flu ;))

I hope we'll get over it and be healthy like buffalos (as old georgian saying goes).

Monday, November 2, 2009

Something I'll never be


I've always wanted to be a hippie, you know that?
Today I was looking at the pictures of Michelle Phillips of 'The mamas and the papas' and realized that I wish I was born at that times, but I'm not sure whether I'd dared to become the flower child. Not everyone in 60's was hippie.

I just like the idea of it, of that crazy freedom, flowers, colourful dresses and long blonde hair.
One always dreams of something she'll never be. Because I never dream, I just act... and if I dream, it means that I have no guts to do it.

It's rainy and freezing Monday in Berlin. Suddenly I wish I could go out and walk with my friend Chili, drink hot tea and talk about poetry and this impossible life, where you seem to find the way, but it slips away and you keep on searching. Maybe it's just as it should be, who am I to know.

I'm just Franny lost in the rye.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Back to CCCP

Me and my friends went out today after Shabbat. We went to this awkward place named CCCP in East Berlin. It was nothing like USSR actually; people dressed up in Halloween masks and all. Barwoman wore such a short skirt you could see her underpants. I was unease and our company wasn't that friendly so to speak. But after a while, we started to talk about my favorite american literature; and now I started missing my 'Franny and Zooey', Holden, Seymour...
I still have to read more. I can't wait to get back in Tbilisi and grab as many books as possible.
I love intellectual people, but not like snobbish ones, who doesn't let you to express your opinion and keep talking about some 'Grand' names. Ok, we all know Tolstoy's genius :| I like open-minded people, who can listen as good as talk. That's quite rare though, you know.

I really wish I had conversations like this often, because I feel like I'm becoming too humble and close myself from outside world. I don't know whether it's good or bad, but I really thirst for the literature right now. I need to think, to dream, to write and analyze things that are going on in my life.

Have a great week!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Strange Connection

Don't know why, but I feel this strange soul connection to this blog of mine. It's not been very long since I've started it, but I think it's more bloggish than my other ones. I blog whatever I want, even unimportant and random things. With this blog I feel like a hippie or reggae girl, who does not care what is going on around her. She's sunny-funny-witty-smily. Life is as it is and I wanna have fun. I wanna live every second, enjoy everything G-d created and love as many people as I can. Really. Really.
LOVE G-D! LOVE YOURSELF! LOVE LIFE! LOVE LOVE! :)

Dance! Dance! Dance!

Friday, October 23, 2009

What's your stone???


Today I found out that my zodiac stone is Tourqoise.
I thought I preferred green stones to tourqoise, but now I realize that everytime when I go somewhere, light blue stones attract me much more than the green.
Actually I've got this silver ring with tourqoisish stone in Georgia for 20 gel. Today I looked at it and decided that I really love it. So zodiacs may be right in some ways.

The following is the quizz I did on facebook and liked answers a lot :)

You were born on a Sunday. - correct, mum says; she knows better.
Your Zodiac Sign is Capricorn. - yes.
Your Chinese Zodiac Sign is Rat. - bliah, yes.
Your Ruling Planet is Saturn. - aha.
Your Birthstone is Turquoise. - I'm glad.
Your Birth Flower is Narcissus. - I love that flower so much. Yellow is one of my favourite colours.
Your Birth Tree is Apple Tree. - my favourite fruit as a matter of fact.
Your Birth Number is 3. - uhm...
Your Lucky Color is Brown or Green. - Can't say I love brown, but green is totally my colour, my blogs' too.
Your Lucky Day is Saturday. - YEAH! I love SHABBAT!!!
Your Lucky Number is Eight. - 8? Baruch Hashem, it's the best number ever.


So, you wanna make such funny and entertaining quizzes??? Log on Facebook and do it! :)

SHABBAT SHALOM!!!!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Berlin - as I see it

Brandenburg Gate

Bundestag

Only one of him is alive soldier

Today I went to the upper east side of Berlin, where are Reichstag, German Parliament and other historic buildings. When I was standing there on Pariser Platz, I felt sudden heartbeat, I looked at people who were walking, smiling, talking, taking pictures... there was time 60 years ago when this place was bombed, millions of people got killed. I've never felt something like that before. May be it's because that Germany has been dominant country of the modern history. Germany had begun both world wars. It is a country which makes you think about many things - even about your personality, who you are, what you are and where are you going to end up, if you know what I mean.

Even though I did not like Berlin very much at the beginning, now I can see that it was meant to be for me to come here and find my own self. Berlin is quite a city - clean and cold. So I hope I'll be able to clean my soul and never become cold, you know. Life is full of challenges and they make me better, stronger and wiser for sure.

I hope you all try to find something in places where you live which will motivate you for doing and being good.

Monday, October 19, 2009

HAPPY MONDAY


New day has come - MONDAY!
It's so sunny in Berlin. I'm on a lesson, our teacher is sweet young woman.
Today I have loads of things to do, so I'll have a chance to go out and feel the sun on my face :)

P.S. Yesterday we went ice-skating, it was terrible :lol: I mean, I suck at skating and my feet hurt so much. Still it was fun, I like going out with the girls and experience new things.

HAVE A HAPPY MONDAY!!!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Potato Kugel :yay:

It's been quite a week as they say.
I learned a lot. Now I have to settle all my knowledge and information to analyze and think.
I begin to like Midrasha. I got to know with girls better and they're fine.

My aunt's health is much better as Lilu told me yesterday, Baruch Hashem. I'm so happy my prayers were heard.

Oh, and by the way :lol: not by the way, it's pretty serious story of me that happened yesterday :D every Thursday evening (or Friday morning) midrasha girls go to different families and help them cook Shabbat meals or babysit. So I went to the Smiths'. Rabbi Smith is Rosh Yeshiva of the Yeshiva in East Berlin as a matter of fact, so I felt quite honored to be in his house. Rebetzin Chaya is a wonderful woman and they have two adorable children. So she asked me to make potato kugel. Well, did I mention that I've never cooked any kugel in my life? Instead of 1/2 cup of oil I poured 2 cups and probably would have added more if Chaya did not stop me. I was so embarrassed, boy! Anyway, kugel-like-thing was done.
Her children did not want me to leave, so I had to tell them it was very late (09:10pm) and I was going to sleep too. Then rebetzin gave me cake and I left. On the way to midrasha I kept pinching myself:
'Me': Sophie, this lovely family who seldom asks midrasha girls to help them, called and trusted you their kugel; and what did you do?
'Sophie': I made the oiliest kugel in the world :|

Then I realized that it's not that big deal. Maybe kugel became tastier, huh? Whatever it might be, I learned a good lesson, how difficult it is to manage 2 children who try to "help you out" and make kugel with you, in addition with that you have to be patient, smily and good cook.
I hope to learn and be a good woman. I really really do.


Shabbat Shalom!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I just love this picture of an old jewish shoemaker and want to share it with you.

Having a nice day, morning lectures are over; had a delicious dinner actually - meat, pea salad and potatoes.

It's quite sunny in Berlin, still freezing cold though, want to go out, but hate wearing winter coat and boots.

Have a nice evening, day and whatever it is at your side of universe.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

First lecture

Today winter zman began.
And I missed morning lectures, because I walked Naomi's sister to the dentist. So we spent all day waiting for her dentist, walked in freezing weather and got home at 3:30 pm.

But Baruch Hashem I attended evening lectures. Olga and rabbi Fabian were fabulous, but Leah's one was just amazing. She told us about Adam's 2 natures; we read weekly chapter of the Torah and analyzed it. So interesting and so many things to see and think. I just loved it.

It's like as it is in real life - one's nature, one's difficulties, achievement, laughter and tears, high and low. I think Adam - was not a one man, but whole mankind so to speak with all its nature and understanding. I think we haven't changed since then, have we?

P.S. I love Leah, she's loveliest madricha I've met lately.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Hard Berlin Day

Autumn in Berlin

I had a quite hard day today.

Yesterday I found out that my aunt has a brain tumor and has to have an operation in a few days. Couldn't sleep last night, I was thinking about her, about David, her grandchild, whom she is raising up for her daughter passed away last year. It's been very difficult and stressful year for my aunt, and she couldn't fight it, now she's sick and I can't imagine what will happen to David if something goes wrong with my aunt. Hashem help her and be with doctors during the surgery.

It was raining cats and dogs all day long. I went to buy a sim-card for my mobile. I bought it, then it wasn't working properly so had to go to the shop again and shake the helluva assistent. In addition with that I wore boots and they really hurt my feet. Now I feel quite sore. I miss my Tbilisi home and mum :((( I'm such a home-and-mum-sick, can't wait to see them both :)

G-d, give me strength, please!
This too shall pass, shan't it?

Girlfriends

By Meir Levin

Translation by Shaul Gorgel

Immediately upon my arrival into Israel and to my utter astonishment, I got a job as a chess coach in several Israeli schools. In one of them, pupils were quite grown-up. About chess they couldn't care less. There was a boy in the class who spoke Russian. He helped me interprete myself into Hebrew when necessary. However, much to my discomfiture, the headmaster would walk in wearing shorts, not to mention her rather low neckline...

In the other, things were more complicated. The kids were small and dutifully out of control. As soon as they filed into a class room, they would pair off and beat each other up. One of the girls was really extraordinary as she would smash her boy counterpart's face against her knee. When I finally managed with some effort to rescue the little brat from her hands, he broke to me: "This ain't no Russia! I'm calling the police". So I had to come up with all kinds of ploys. Buy them chewing gum. Lie to them that I was going to teach them how to play chess and then we'd all together go to America. At first, they believed me, but soon enough I had to make up new fairy tales.

One girl started nudgering me saying that my fellow teacher Gregory gave out choveret (periodicals) to the girls and that she wanted them too. I didn't know what choveret is. On the break, Gregory explained to me that he'd received old and disused chess periodicals and gave them to the kids. Those were happy, although not for long. I stayed in the school for as long as two months. Then, they sacked me, and I was actually very glad they did. They had really bled me white. And I lacked imagination either.

Soon, Aryeh Rosenberg, the man who got me that job, rung up inquiring if I was receiving the periodical of the Israeli Chess Federation. I said I wasn't. Aryeh gave me the number to call. I gathered courage and called. I must say that even if I have some command of Hebrew, it is exclusively thanks to the nerve that I have. From my first days here, I boldly went to work in the Israeli school. I was speaking Hebrew with everyone not bothering whether I was understood or not. The yeshiva staff complained I was asking them questions in an incrypted language.

So, this time round too, I dialled up and started off upbeat:

- Aryeh Rosenberg paid up. Everybody got chaverot (girlfriends) and they're using them, and I haven't got any.

No reply came.

- I can't go on without them, - I went on to make a point of just how bad it was for me without them and how much I needed them. Suddenly I heard my wife and daughter giggling. Realising I was saying something wrong, I pulled myself together quickly: "Sorry. I made a mistake, I need chaverim (mates).

Such a rapid overturn in my sexual tastes totally drove the woman at the other end into indignation:

- This is not a brothel! This is Chess Federation, mind you! Now, what do you want?

- A magazine, - I said in Russian.

- Tell me the address. We'll send you one.

Choveret I got. I prepared for the competition on behalf of the Elitzur chess society. I took the second place. Job offers from Israeli secular schools were flowing in. But by that time, I already feared "headmasters in shorts". I didn't want something funny rubbing off on me. I said no. Soon I got a job offer in a Russian language religious girl school, where I have been working since. I'm fine there.


Thursday, October 8, 2009

One Soul

I have a task for Sunday. Madricha Leah asked me to write a speech, which I'll say during the dinner for the girls.

I wrote it already and want to share it with you:

'One Soul'

There is this story written by the brother of the chief rabbi of Georgia, Meir Levin. Story is called 'One soul' and author talks about his life, how he moved to Israel at his late forties and began studying Torah. He had a chavrusa from Chabad; so everyday he used to go to that man and learn. One day when they finished studies and Meir Levin was about to leave, the Chabad man stopped him and said: 'You are such a good learner of Torah, even though you are litvak and I'm from Chabad, I can see we have got one soul.'

After reading this story I thought a lot.
Then we went to Antwerp and I had a chance to meet different people - chasids, litvaks, georgian jews who have kept their tradition for ages, and realized - no matter who we are - ashkenazi or sephard, where we are from, how educated and how wealthy we can be - we all have one soul, One Jewish Soul given by the Almighty G-d.

This is what I wrote and will read on Sunday to the midrasha girls. I hope they will like it. I changed some scenes in this story, but main idea is the same.

Happy holidays to you all!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Lost in Antwerp

City Hall of Antwerp

Ziskind family

Ostend

I went to Antwerp for holiday of Sukkot. It's been amazing there, I fell in love with Belgium really. Me and other 9 girls from the Berlin midrasha lived in various families. I stayed at Ziskind family. They had made lovely sukkah outside the house, we sat there for seudas. Boys and their father, rabbi Ziskind sang and entertained us.

Antwerp is lovely city and I'd love to live there. People are so relaxed and calm. Jewish neighbourhood has been so warm to us. We went in 4 families for a dinner as ushpizins. The day before our departure, we went to Ostend, rented bikes and rode them down to the beach. It was just amazing!!! It was raining and we still did not care - rode and rode on...

When we got back in Antwerp, Belz sisters and other Antwerp girls threw a party for us. We danced for hours. I even performed georgian dance and everyone just loved it. I had so much fun. Although I missed my georgian friends so much, when I'm back, Bezrat Hashem, I should make something like that in Tbilisi for the MaBaT girls.

Now I am in Berlin already. Till 13th October we have holidays so fun is still there waiting for us ;))

Love ya all,

Tschuß