Photo a day or two, maybe three - 2

Hummus!!!

This has been my breakfast, dinner and supper these days. I love hummus and it's time to learn how to make it myself at home, because it is a problem to find a kosher hummus in Leipzig. They either have it in our tiny kosher shop or at fancy German ones -- very expensive both.

I used to claim that I was very Middle Eastern-tempered person, but living in Europe for all these years definitely transformed me into cold and depressive woman.
In spite of it all I love this lousy Europe, especially Scandinavia and Germany (add Netherlands as well), because of almost feminist government and society, where women are strong and free, where they are not considered as sinful and dirty daughters of Eve.

I've been reading some book about Afghan women and it freezes my blood, how society and especially religious authorities encourage massive ignorance of people and especially women, who are considered half human, as servants of their husbands. It is horrible to be a woman there and we all should thank G-d for being born or raised or living in free countries.

One more thing that scared me today was, that I bumped into a muslim woman at the shop, who was covered in black from head to toes, you could hardly see her eyes; ABSOLUTELY covered. I've never seen someone like that in my life before and I was shocked. First thing I thought was very naive one: "How is she going to say Hallo to the cashier when pays for her things, while they can't see her face???", and "She can't even smile to anyone because nobody will see it anyway" - well, this last one made me seriously sad.
WHY is that necessary? WHAT is wrong (or is there WRONG at all)?
Does it mean, men are considered such animals that women should cover themselves up that much to not to attract them? Why that society and religious personalities think so negatively about human nature? I think this leads to violence and adultery even more, because forbidden fruit is sweeter, as they say.

Well, I don't know. I never judge anyone and this post is also nothing of the sort, I just care and feel about women for I believe we are all same, we aim for same and we want all basic things SAME too, like love, respect, security...

I am very concerned now. I've always been involved and interested in women issues, emancipation and education, but in this case, where religion also comes, I should step back and just watch - at the end of the day, how do I know that woman is miserable? Maybe she's happier than most of us, educated and free women of west after all? Maybe she wouldn't trade that life of hers to any Scandinavian fair woman's wearing jeans and leaving her kids to her husband while she goes to work? And what if all these images of happiness, women freedom and all are just products of the Western culture that is shoved onto our faces and we consider them right while they are against our nature created by G-d?

I am thinking and re-thinking about it.

But wait, what had Rosa Luxemburg, Klara Zetkin or even Virginia Woolf fought for then? Was it all vain and nothing? Didn't they achieve women have property and right to vote? Right to choose their life partners and wear whatever they feel comfortable?

I'm sorry, but it's IMPOSSIBLE! It would be self denial and self deception to believe those women, who have no rights because they're aware of none, are happy. Never in the world has religious extremism brought any good. Beware friends (the ones that dive too deep)!!!

You see how hummus talk could be turned into a much serious post than expected? Long live to Middle East!!!

Photo a day or two, maybe three - 1

To motivate myself and blog here often, I decided to make this tiny project called "photo a day (or two, maybe three)". No matter how lousy my shot might be, I should post and tell a story.

So this is a first attempt.

My Sunday Fuchsia nails and my antique laptop as a background. Even if they don't seem fuchsia enough, they are. At least that's what was written on the bottle.

As for my laptop - don't laugh, ok! I've had it since 2006. My mum gave it to me as a present after my first story was published. 

This is my first and only laptop so far. I had dreams about buying the Apple one, but do you think the girl with the soviet and socialistic past could've or would've bought it? For sure, NOT! I don't like to pay much for those conglomerates that rule our lives anyway. Ok, I know there are many people working for those companies that need to feed their families too, but I still don't like them.

Well, maybe I could've surrendered in the end if I had enough income myself to afford it, but since my husband is the only one working hard, meaning he would've paid for it, I ignore all the Apple temptation and stick to my old Fujitsu Siemens - so I'll be faithful till its death do us part.

Last but not least: hey, we live in East Germany after all - most minimal and hippie area, it would be betrayal to the tribe to have luxurious things, wouldn't it? :D

G-dly union

This morning Ezra, his grandma and I went to the Leipzig train station to do some grocery shopping. When we passed that block, where they sell tickets, I saw a girl who lived in the midrasha too, but she came there right after I got married and left. Now she's just married too. She's really nice and sweet; her husband is also very intelligent and handsome guy.

It was so nice to see her - all smiley and happy, positive and full of hopes and dreams as all newly married girls are. I wanted to hug her and tell her, best life is about to come and wish her all the best that could be in the world.

[You know, sometimes I might be as cold as ice, but mostly I am such heartful sentimental person that can't help loving people - strangers or friends, no matter.]

But I didn't because I've seen that girl only twice in my life and we had literally said only two words to each other: "Gut Shabbes" -- as she was visiting the midrasha for Shabbat then. And I was a bride, all excited, scared, emotional, crazy, witty - saying funny things and hiding I was nervous about losing my freedom and becoming involved in this institution called marriage, so I couldn't pay enough attention to the newcomers, I am really sorry now.

And here, I saw her, lovely bride with sparkling eyes and glowing face with happiness.
I can't explain better, all the words are vain.

Anyone who knows how beautiful and meaningful traditional Jewish wedding is, will understand my emotions and excitement. I respect every religion and believe that all humans around the world are same, they all have heart and soul, they all want to be loved and give love, but when it comes to traditions, nothing can be compared to the Jewish life which is guided by Torah.
Everyone has God, but only Jews have Torah, which means we have double credit :) this is a half joke, because Torah is G-d and G-d is Torah, but what I mean is, that this is the only Book which gives life and is life Itself.
Naturally, Bible belongs to the world, but essential Torah with its beautiful commentaries is only mine (I mean it not literally for sure, rather philo-Sophie-cally).

It is said that receiving Torah from Hashem by Jews was like a wedding between Jewish nation and G-d, because this is most sacred and wholly union on the planet. For only husband and wife can be as close as it can ever be. They are one flesh and one soul, one creation - like G-d and Jewish people.
I know some will think I exaggerate as every sort of religious fanatic does, but all I want to say is that looking at that girl and her new husband made me realise this once more - there is nothing more beautiful than Jewish marriage where two souls are united for G-d and from G-d.

May You My Friends Live Long and Happy Life full of Joy and Torah Light!!! May Hashem bless you with many healthy children and granchildren! Amen!!!

Here are some photos from my own wedding. Yeah. It was not so long ago, it's been 2 years. So fresh and vivid still :)

Crymama

It took me more than an hour to put Ezra to sleep. During this one hour he pooed twice, drank water, jumped up and down, cried, and then fell asleep on my lap.

Looking at his wet eyelashes, I also started to cry and once I start crying, there's nothing to stop me. I cried my heart out for good - remembered not only my idea of calm and cool parenthood (in which I fail lately), but also my own childhood. Suddenly missed my mum like mad and wanted her with me so I would fall asleep on her lap too.

Then I cried because Ezra is my copy of a character. You just can't make him do whatever he doesn't want to. You can't talk to him strictly if you want him to do what you should.
Main reason of my heartful crying was that I don't want him to have character traits like me. I've been a trouble all my life - although I was excellent student, my behaviour was rebellious at school; most professors at university didn't like me either (nor my writing). Work - I've never worked at one place more than 1 year in my life :| I didn't like bosses. I can't stand social injustice and snobs. At home - I was whining all the time and everyone should've listened to it. My mum and sister Lilu are heroes.
I said I didn't want Ezra to be like me and I meant it. At least I am woman and it's not a tragedy, but for a man having my character means he'll be another Che Guevara revolting against the dominant world for all his life - not proper, especially for a Jewish boy who needs to be disciplined Torah and Talmud scholar. Only Hashem can help ME to be a good mum to raise my children in His way!
אָמֵן!!!

Good thing is, I became better person after getting married, I work on myself quite hard to be patient and not lose temper easily. I need to work harder though, because I might be very happy and positive person, always laughing and joking, but inside I am a rebel. As a wife - I think I am not that bad, I hear what my husband says, make him feel warm home and try to whine as little as possible.
Mum - I can't tell you yet. It's been only 14 months I've been in this position. I don't mind Ezra throwing things around, messing and eating like a baby pig, only thing that makes me mad is his sleep - rather not wanting to go to bed.

So, after crying came the sunshine with the words of Shlomo HaMelech: "This too shall pass". I knew it will. I know Ezra will grow up quickly, I'll get old even quicker, but I am a human, Mensch!!!! :) Human that needs to have emotions and express them or time will pass and emotions fade to nowhere; while I believe it's all about emotions that makes the world go round and makes mantra become better (if you say so, Soph, big fat mantra expert! :P).

Some reasons

I am so tired that I can't blog properly.

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Plus because of some reasons I have no desire to blog:

1. There are some people who read it and I don't want them to know my TRUE feelings about particular issues.
2. I hate fanatics, especially religious ones and I pray to Hashem to spare me from them and teach me how to handle them. Mensch! I've been handling one of them lately and I don't know how to get rid of.
3. Ezra's been so active, if I didn't take him out for a walk at least twice a day, I'd go crazy. He crawls and cruises everywhere, but EVERYWHERE. Opens every possible door, breaks anything that is breakable, then jumps on me and gives me his charming smile showing off his funny teeth that would melt any heart.
4. I'm fat and it depresses me. My arms are huge as if I were an athlete, and in general, I am as wide as Jack Daniels' bottle (speaking of that, I haven't drunk an alcohol, except wine on Shabbat, FOR EVER, my husband hates women drinking alcohol, then I was pregnant and breastfeeding... now I just have forgotten about it).
5. I am so tired at the end of the day that I just don't have any intellectual strength left to post in English.

P.S. I didn't mention that Ezra and I met Talia, Luke and Lior on 29th of May at the Höfe am Brühl in Leipzig, how unbelievable is that? Would I believe if someone told me I would a year ago when I started to read their blog? NEVER!
Life is extraordinary, you see, and so is the Carbis family, I should say. That's why I like them so much and am never bored to follow their updates.

Thank you note

I am so excited, I can't handle myself :)))

Now. Catch back your breath, Soph!

I started a new little project on my Georgian blog called "ladies' room" - all right, it has nothing to do with bathrooms, but if you really think about it, it might. It is very widespread thing that women love going to bathroom together, you know, to refresh their make up, to smoke (if it's allowed), to cry their heart out about ***holes, they've been in love with forever and they don't even notice; to snub others's outfit or hair, just sit there and tear the toilet paper listening to their friends' complain and etc.

Thus, this project was opened yesterday and now it's getting better and better. Lady bloggers will write about their experiences, hobbies or about their love affairs, family issues and anything they wish.

How it went: I've been blogging there since 2008. I read many English-speaking women blogs, which are great, inspiring and so empowering too. There are sort of women blogger communities who support each other, blog about similar issues, promote each other and just leave their nice comments to cheer one another -- which I find so noble and necessary (we always need some positive or critical feed back). So I thought Georgian women bloggers should also unite and make projects like this -- blog more, comment more and have fun too obviously.
Then I also realised that Georgian blogging needed some renewal, some re-branding, let me put this way, some lighting up, and I should've been the one to bring those lovely ladies together and ask them to make a post or two for my project.
I didn't expect I would get such positive responds back and SUCH personal posts, letters confiding and trusting in me, for which I am above than just thankful.
THANK YOU!!!

No need to say that Georgia is one of the warmest, loveliest and dearest country in the world, where people might be crazy sometimes, but most of the times they are openhearted, kind and always ready to help you.
So, visit beautiful Georgia of mine, enjoy the miraculous nature and read more of me.

Have a lovely week everyone!